Drunk Jokes, Drinking Jokes, Alcohol Jokes, Alcoholic Jokes, Beer Jokes
This morning I was sitting on a park bench next to a homeless man. I started a conversation by asking him how he ended up this way.
He said,
"Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed. I had a roof over my head. I had TV and internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA online. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."
I felt sorry for him, so I asked,
"What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"
"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "I just got out of prison."
Dave, a hunter, went on camping trip with his wife, kids, and mother-in-law.
One evening, while still deep in the forest, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. Dave picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her.
In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight, the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large bear stood facing her.
The wife cried, “What are we going to do?”
“Nothing,” said the hunter husband. “The bear got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.