Three Boys
Three boys were out hiking one winter day, and heard cries for help coming from the lake.Rushing to see what was the matter, they found Barack Obama who had fallen through some thin ice on a lake and was about to drown.Quickly the boys formed a human chain and pulled him to safety.
"I'd like to reward you boys with something special for saving me", said Obama. "Just name it, and it's yours!"
"I want a ride on Air Force One", said the first boy.
"You've got it!", said Obama.
"I want a medal that I can show the other kids at school", said the second boy.
"No problem!", said Obama.
The third boy thought for a moment, and said "I want a wheelchair".
"But why would you want that?", asked Obama.
"'Cause when I get home and tell my dad that I saved YOU he's gonna break my effin' legs!".
President Trump called President Duterte of the Philippines with an emergency:
"Our largest соndом factory has exploded!" the American President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a national disaster!"
"Donald, the Filipino people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied Duterte. "I do need your help," said Donald. "Could you possibly send 100,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"
"Why certainly! I'll get right on it!" said Duterte. "Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Donald.
"Yes?" said Duterte.
Showing off, Donald said,
"Could the condoms be red, white, and blue in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?"
"No problem," replied Duterte, with that, Duterte hung up and called the owner of Philippine Prophilactic. "I need a favor, you've got to make 100,000,000 condoms right away and send them to the White House."
"Consider it done Mr. President," said the owner of Philippine Prophilactics. "Great! Now listen, they have to be red, white and blue in color, 10" long and 4" wide."
"Easily done. Anything else?"
"Yeah," said Duterte, "on each one, print 'MADE IN THE PHILIPPINES, SIZE-SMALL' ."
If Donald Trump was asked "If oxygen was discovered in 1783, how could human breathe before", this would probably be his answer.
I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me, and they ask me. They say, 'How do people breathe before the discovery of oxygen'? And I tell them, look, we know what oxygen is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of chemistry you can imagine. Oh, my God, I can't believe it. Without the discovery of oxygen, the world would be terrible. It's just terrible. Look, if you want to know what oxygen is, do you want to know what oxygen is? I'll tell you. First of all, it's the O in the periodic table. By the way, I love the element O. It's probably my favorite element, no it is my favorite element despite I don't know what O is. You know what, it's probably more like the Hydrogen but with a lot of proton in it. A lot. If I'm being honest, I mean, if I'm being honest. I like a lot of proton. Except for Marco Rubio, now he's a neutron that I don't like. Though, I probably shouldn't say that. He's a nice guy, but he's like, 'Helium, Neon,' on and on, like that. He's inert! You know what I mean? He's like a inert gas. I don't know. I mean, you know. So, we have all these proton, and we can add them and subtract them and add them. TIMES them even. Did you know that? We can times them OR divide them, they don't tell you that, and I'll tell you, no one is better at the order of periodic table than me. You wouldn't believe it. So, we're gonna be the best on breathing oxygen, believe me.
