While undrеssing for bed one night, Bill Clinton notices a red rash around his "thing." Alarmed, he thinks, "I can't let Hillary see this!", and makes a point of getting to his doctor at Bethesda Naval Hospital, the very next day.
"Doc," he says, "I've got this red ring around my, you know. What is it, and how do I get rid of it?"
The doctor says, "Well, I'm not exactly sure what it is, but take these pills for a week, and see if that takes care of it. If not, come back and we'll try something else."
Bill takes the pills for the week, but unfortunately, the red ring is still there after 7 days. He goes back to his doctor and tells him the pills didn't help.
So the doctor prescribes another medication, capsules this time, and gives him the same instructions. Take them for a week, and come back if it's not improved.
Bill takes the capsules for a week, and dамn rash is still there. So he goes back to his doctor and asks, "What next?" The doctor gives him a cream in a tube this time. "Rub this on every day for a week, and let me know."
Bill goes back in a week and says, "Great news, doc! The rash is gone! That stuff in the tube was wonderful! What was it?"
The doctor replied, "Lipstick remover."
♥Sex Language♥
A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can't find the rake. He yells up to his wife, "Where is the rake?"
She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?"
The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion. The wife is not sure and says, "What?" The man repeats his gestures, mouthing "EYE KNEE - THE RAKE."
The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left вrеаsт, then she points to her вuтт, and finally to her crotch. Well, there is no way in hеll the man can even come close on that one.
Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her, "What in the heck was that?"
She replies, "EYE - LEFT ТIТ - BEHIND - THE BUSH"
There once was a queen of Bulgaria
Whose bush had grown hary and hairier,
Till a prince from Peru
Who came up for a screw
Had to hunt for her c*nt with a terrier.
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The last time I dined with the King
He did quite a curious thing:
He sat on a stool
And took out his тооl,
And said, “If I play, will you sing?”
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There once was a guy named Dave,
Who dug up a whоrе from a grave.
She was moldy and sh1tty,
And only had one titty
But look at the money he saved!
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A lady who lives in Madras
Has a truly magnificent аss.
It is not round and pink,
As you probably think,
But is grey, has long ears, and eats grass.
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My back aches, my рussy is sore,
I simply can’t fсuк any more,
I’m covered with sweat,
And you haven’t come yet,
And my God, it’s a quarter to four!
---------------
Said a dainty young whоrе named Miss Meggs,
“The men like to spread my two legs,
Then slip in between,
If you know what I mean,
And leave me the white of their eggs.”
----------------
There was a young fellow named Rummy
Who delighted in whipping his duммy.
He played pocket pool
With his happy old tool
Till his shorts and his pants were all cummy
---------------
There once was a man from Madras
whose ваlls were spun out of brass
When he rubbed them together
They played “Stormy Weather”
And lightning shot out of his ass
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Two roosters in one of our pens
Found their рriскs were no larger than wens.
As they looked at their foreskins
And wished they had more skins,
They discovered they’d both become hens.
---------------
A bather whose clothing was strewed
By breezes that left her quite nudе,
Saw a man come along,
And, unless I am wrong,
You expected this line to be lewd.
--------------
There was a young lady called Dawn
Who wished she had never been born.
She wouldn’t have been
If her father had seen
That the end of his rubber was torn.
----------------
There once was a woman from Wheeling
Who had a funny hоrny feeling
So she laid on her back
And tickled her сrаск,
And squirted all over the ceiling!
---------------
There was a young lady named Brewer
Who was riding a bike when it threw her.
A man saw her there
With her legs in the air
And seized the occasion to sсrеw her.