Friendship Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
Две млади жени излезли от бара в четири през нощта, пияни като талпи. Two women on their way back from a night out stop in a graveyard for a piss. One wipes her fanny with her knickers, and the other uses a wreath of flowers. Their two husbands were in the pub the... Två väninnor var ute på en "tjejkväll", båda lyckligt gifta, trofasta och exemplariska fruar. Denna kväll blev det en aning för många Bacardi Breezer och när de var på väg hem, extremt berusade,... Det var två fruar som hade varit ute och roat sig. På vägen hem kom det oundvikliga när man dricker mycket, de blev "kissnödiga". De såg sig om efter någonstans att göra det de måste, och fick syn...
Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes Phone jokes
On his Birthday, a man named Peter was really upset because none of his family members or near and dear ones wished him.
As he walked into his office, his secretary Anna said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!"
He felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered.
In the lunch time Anna knocked on his door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your Birthday, why don't we go out for lunch, just you and me."
Peter happily agreed
They had their lunch but on the way back to the office, Anna said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day... We don't have to go right back to the office, do we?"
Peter replied "I suppose not. What do you have in mind?"
She said, "Let's go to my apartment, it's just around the corner."
After arriving at her apartment, Anna said, "Boss if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment.
I'll be right back."
"Ok."
He nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes; she came out carrying a huge birthday cake...
Followed by his wife, his kids, and dozens of his friends, and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".
And Peter just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked!
Двама шефове си говорят. Миналата седмица беше рождения ми ден. Секретарка Hoy es el día de mi cumpleaños ... Mis padres, mi esposa y mis hijos no me felicitaron. Fui al trabajo, llegando allí, mis colegas actuaron como si fuera un día normal y tampoco me felicitaron.... Warum ich meine Sekretärin feuerte... Vor zwei Wochen hatte ich meinen 45. Geburtstag und fühlte mich ohnehin nicht sehr wohl. Ich ging zum Frühstück. Meine Frau sagte nicht einmal "Guten Morgen", schon gar nicht "Alles Gute". Die Kinder sagten auch kein Wort und ließen mich völlig links... Pourquoi j'ai congédié ma secrétaire Je me suis réveillé ce matin-là où je venais d'avoir 40 ans. Je ne me sentais pas très bien. J'espérais que ma femme me souhaite un joyeux anniversaire. Mais... Γιατί απέλυσα τη γραμματέα μου! Ho licenziato la mia giovane e bella segretaria, ora vi spiego perché. La settimana scorsa era il mio compleanno, raggiungevo una soglia importante, i 50 anni ed avevo un po' di pensieri che mi frullavano per la testa. Insomma, in poche parole ero un po' giù di corda. Mi ha rincuorato l'idea del... Perché ho licenziato la segretaria. Due settimane fa, in occasione del mio 45esimo compleanno, non mi sentivo troppo su. Scendo giu' per la colazione, sapendo che mia moglie sarebbe stata carina... Bir işadamı birkaç gün önce sekreterini kovmuştu, yeni bir sekreter aramaktaydı. Bir arkadaşı, sekreterini neden kovduğunu sorunca anlatmaya başladı: – İki hafta önce 48. yaş günümdü ve o sabah... Era meu aniversário. Acordei todo contente esperando os cumprimentos de minha esposa e nem sequer um bom dia recebi. Veio então meu filho do quarto e a mesma coisa! Minha mãe nem ao menos me telefonou. Fui para o trabalho e minha secretária veio... Dlaczego zwolniłem swoją sekretarkę? - Posłuchaj! Dwa tygodnie temu były moje urodziny, ale jakby tego nikt nie zauważył. Miałem nadzieję, że rano przy śniadaniu żona złoży mi życzenia. Może nawet... Jeg vågnede om morgenen den dag jeg fyldte 32 år. Jeg havde det ikke så godt, men håbede at min kone ville ønske mig tillykke med dagen. Til min store skuffelse sagde hun ikke engang godmorgen. Ved...
Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Birthday Jokes Secretary Jokes Boss Jokes
Two good ol’ boys, Bubba and Junior get promoted from Privates to Sergeants.
Not long after, they’re out for a walk and Bubba says, “Hey, Junior - there’s the NCO Club. Let’s you and me stop in and have us a drank.”
“But we’s privates,” protests Junior.
“NO, we’s sergeants now,” says Bubba, pulling him inside
“Now, Junior, I’m gonna sit down and have me a drank.”
“But, we’s privates,” says Junior.
“You blind, boy!” says Bubba, pointing at his stripes.
“We’s Sergeants now!”
So they order their drinks and pretty soon a hоокеr comes up to Bubba.
“You’re cute,” she says, “and I’d like to take you someplace and make you feel good — but I’ve got a bad case of gonorrhea.”
Bubba pulls his friend to the side and whispers, “Junior, go look in the dictionary and see what that gonorrhea means.
If it’s good, give me the okay sign.”
Junior goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Bubba the big okay sign.
Three weeks later Bubba is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea.
“Junior,” he says, “What you give me the okay for?!”
“Well Bubba, in the dictionary, it says gonorrhea only affects the privates.”
Then he pointed to his stripes and says, “But we’s Sergeants now!
Military Jokes Friendship Jokes
A sixteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that truck?!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today."
"With what money?" demanded his parents.
They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche cost.
"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars."
So the parents began to yell even louder.
"Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?" they said.
"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. I don"t know her name - they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars."
"Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what"s going on."
So the boy"s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias!
He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.
"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. "I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he had run off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn't intend to come back."
"He claimed he was stranded and needed cash, and asked me to sell his new Chevrolet Avalanche and send him the money. So I did."
Car and driving jokes Money jokes Kids Jokes Parent Jokes Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes
Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Friendship Jokes
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.
Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.
The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "£250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "I'll tell."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "£750."
Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!"
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "£1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."
Една жена има любовник, който я посещава у тях, когато мъжът и е на работа. На Трпана и доаѓа швaлерот дома додека маж и бил на работа. Нејзиниот 9 годишен син упаѓа дома ненадејно, ги здогледува и се сокрива во ормар. Мажот исто така ненадејно се појавува а жената го става швалерот во ормарот. Little Johnny is in his closet when he hears a noise. His mom comes in and starts having sex with someone other than his dad. He hears a door slam and his mother say "Oh no, my husband his home!... El marido llega a casa sin avisar, y la esposa tiene que esconder a su amante, asi que lo mete en el armario. Una vez alli, el tio se queda de piedra cuando oye una voz a su lado que le dice: -... Un niño de 9 años vuelve a casa antes de lo previsto al haber acabado las clases antes. Al entrar, ve a su madre con un hombre que no conoce desnudos en la cama, y al darse cuenta que no se han... Immer häufiger kommt ein fremder Mann zur Mama und die beiden verschwinden im Schlafzimmer. Eines Tages versteckt sich der 8-jährige Sohn im Kleiderschrank, um zu beobachten, was die beiden so... Eine Frau hat eine Affäre während ihr Mann auf der Arbeit ist. Während sie gerade mit ihrem Liebhaber im Bett ist, kommt ihr 13-jähriger Sohn rein, sieht die beiden und versteckt sich im... Ein Junge versteckt sich abends im Schlafzimmer im Schrank um zu sehen wie es beim Sex abgeht. Dann kommen die Mutter und ein Priester und haben ordentlich Spaß. Plötzlich kommt der Vater. Der... C'est une femme qui profitant de l'absence de son mari le trompe (banal jusque là),. Une fois l'acte fini elle s'endort et l'amant s'éclipse. Mais alors qu'il passe devant l'armoire, il entend : "Putain c'qu'y fait noir là dedans!". Il ouvre la porte et sort un petit garçon qui lui dit "Si tu me... Une femme reçoit souvent son amant pendant que son mari est au travail. Un jour, son fils de 8 ans se cache dans l'armoire pour voir ce que sa mère fait avec cet homme-là. Un moment plus tard, le... Πολύ σκοτεινά είναι... Είναι σκοτεινά εδώ μέσα... Confession Μία παντρεμένη κυρία κερατώνει τον άντρα της και κάθε φορά που ο εραστής της έρχεται σπίτι, αυτή κλειδώνει τον οκτάχρονο γιό της στη ντουλάπα. Μια μέρα που ήταν ο εραστής στο σπίτι της και ο γιός... Una donna spesso riceve il suo amante in casa durante la giornata quando il marito è a lavorare, senza sapere che il figlioletto di 9 anni si nasconde nell'armadio. Un giorno il marito rientra... Una donna è a letto col suo amante mentre sente il marito rientrare. In tutta fretta fa nascondere l'amante dentro l'armadio. Mentre è dentro l'armadio l'uomo si accorge di non essere da solo,... Um homem e uma mulher estão fazendo sexo, quando o marido dela chega em casa mais cedo. Uma dona de casa recebe um amante todo dia em sua casa a tarde, enquanto o marido trabalha. Durante suas safadezas, ela deixa o filhinho de 9 anos trancado no armário do quarto. Certo dia o marido... En kvinna har tagit med sig sin älskare hem under dagen, medan hennes man är på sitt arbete. Utan att hon vet det så har hennes nioårige son gömt sig i garderoben. Hennes man kommer överraskande... En kvinna har en älskare som brukar komma på besök medan hennes man är på jobbet. En dag kommer kvinnans 10-åriga son hem tidigare än vanligt och råkar se paret i sängen. Han gömmer sig i... Een vrouw bedrijft overdag de liefde met haar minnaar terwijl haar man op zijn werk is. Zonder dat ze het echter weet, bevindt haar 9 jaar oude zoon zich in de kast in de slaapkamer. Geheel... Asszony a szeretőjével tölti a napot, míg a férje dolgozik. Nem tudja, hogy a 9 éves fia a szekrényben elrejtőzött. A férje váratlanul hazaér, mire az asszony a szeretőjét betuszkolja a szekrénybe... O femeie avea un amant in timp ce sotul ei era plecat la serviciu. Intr-o zi, fiul ei de 9 ani se ascunde in sifonierul de la ea din camera. Sotul ei vine acasa pe neasteptate, asa ca ea il ascunde... Bula locuia in America. Intr-o dimineata o aude pe mama lui vorbind la telefon cu amantul ei. Ii zicea sa vina maine si cand vine sotul ei sa se ascunda in dulap. A doua zi Bula intra in dulap... Muž odejde do práce a žena si přivede domů milence. Její malý syn přijde neočekávaně ze školy, uvidí je, a tak se schová do skříně a sleduje, co se bude dít. Vtom přijde domů i manžel. Žena vyskočí... Pepicek jde rano do skoly a tatinek do prace maminka zustane doma ,pocka si az odejdou a zavola si milence prijde pohrajou si s maminkou a odpoledne pride pepicek ze skoly maminka schova milence... Neprasidėk su mažais vaikais. Kol vyro nėra namuose, viena moteris atsiveda savo meilužį. Jos devynmetis sūnus netikėtai grįžta namo, juos abu užtinka ir išsigandęs pasislepia spintoje. Tada grįžta... Kol vyro nėra namuose, viena moteris atsiveda savo meilužį. Jos devynmetis sūnus netikėtai grįžta namo, juos abu užtinka ir išsigandęs pasislepia spintoje. Tada grįžta ir moters vyras. Ji...
Jokes about Women Religion jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes Love Jokes Priest Jokes
Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.
First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."
Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."
Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows."
Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they've ever seen. At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp.
First Bull: "I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend."
Second Bull: "I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."
They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.
First Bull: "Son, don't be foolish - let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."
Third Bull: "Неll, he can have all my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull."
Men vs Women Jokes Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes
Баща пита сина си: - Иванчо, къде ти е бележника? Dad on the last day of school: So, where’s your school report, my boy? Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card." Dad: "Can I see your report card, son?" Son: "I don't have it." Dad: "Why?" Son: "I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents." - вовочка, где твой школьный дневник? - его колька взял. родителей... Kommt Fritzchen am letzten Schultag nach Hause. Fragt der Vater: "Warum hast du kein Zeugnis?" Mutter: "Wo ist dein Zeugnis?" Fritzchen: "Das hab ich einem Freund geborgt. Der will damit seinen Vater erschrecken." Le père de David s'étonne de ne pas avoir encore reçu le bulletin scolaire de son fils et lui en demande la raison : - Et ton bulletin il est pas encore arrivé? - Si, si mais je l'ai prêté a Paul... Joãozinho chega em casa e diz ao seu pai: — Pai, hoje recebi o meu boletim. — Então cade ele? — disse o pai. — Emprestei! — Mas por quê? — Porque meu amigo queria assustar o pai dele. Assim que Joãozinho chega da escola, o pai o interpela: — Quero ver o seu boletim! — Infelizmente não vai dar! — Como não vai dar? — É que eu emprestei para um amigo... ele queria dar um susto no pai dele! - Gdzie masz świadectwo? - pyta ojciec Jasia. - Pożyczyłem koledze, bo chciał nastraszyć swojego ojca. Mamma til Per: - Hvor er karakterboka di? - Ole låner den. - Hvorfor det? - For å skremme foreldrene sine.
School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Parent Jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes
Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Friendship Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well ...?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38" DD bust, 24" waist and 34" hips.
When she walks into a room, everybody says, "Oh My God."
Jokes about Women Religion jokes God Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Catholic Jokes Coffee Jokes Priest Jokes
Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Parent Jokes Friendship Jokes Single People Jokes
We are already 2 years together with my girlfriend and decided to get married. My parents helped as much as they could and all my my friends said it’s a really good idea!
My girlfriend?
She is a dream!
But there is something that bothers me! This something is her little sister… This is my future 20 years old sister-in-law , wearing a super skinny, mini skirts and short blouses.
Always lean ahead and I was often lucky to see her underwear.
She never did that in front of someone else! One day she calls me and asks me to go home to see the wedding invitations.
When I arrived she was alone.
She whispered that soon I get married and that she has feelings for me for long time and that she thinks she can't overcome them.
She also said that she desperately wanted to have sеx with me just once before I marry her sister.
I was shocked and could not say a word…
She said to me that she goes to bed and asked if I wanted to go up with her.
I froze and looked at her going up the stairs.
Going up, she took her раnтiеs off and threw it at me.
I stayed there for a moment and then ran to the door.
I opened it and I walked to the car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said: "I’m glad you passed this little test and I am sure that my daughter could not find a better man. Welcome to the family, my son!"
Moral Lesson: Always keep your condoms in your car!
Един младеж имал приятелка, за която щял да се жени. Няколко дни преди сватбата му се обадила 20-годишната сестра на бъдещата му съпруга и го помолила да отиде до тях за да и помогне с нещо свързано със сватбата. Колко бях щастлив! - В неделя се женя! И като мой най- добър приятел те каня за кум! - Приемам с удоволствие! Ха - честито! - Честито,ама за малко работата да се развали... - Как така?. . Разправяй! - Ами,годеницата... Кондоми I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.... Yo estaba muy feliz. Mi novia y yo habíamos andado por más de un año, y decidimos casarnos. Mis padres nos ayudaron en toda forma posible, mis amigos me apoyaban, y mi novia era un sueño. Solo... Meine Freundin und ich planen, zu heiraten. Meine Freundin ist eine Traumfrau. Da ist aber etwas, das mich beunruhigt: Ihre jüngere Schwester. Sie ist 20 Jahre alt, trägt Minis und weit... Un belle mère très belle et très sexy est assise dans son salon avec le fiancé de sa fille; elle lui dit: - Je sais que tu me trouve attirante et moi j'ai envie de toi, je te donne 5 min pour me... J'étais heureux. Ma petite amie et moi sortions ensemble depuis plus d'une année, et ainsi nous avons décidé de nous marier. Mes parents nous ont aidés de tous les côtés, mes amis nous ont... Η απόφαση του άντρα Aneddoto di un... fedele? Io ero molto felice. La mia fidanzata ed io eravamo insieme da più di un anno per ciò decidiamo di sposarci. I Miei genitori ci aiutarono in tutti i modi possibili, i miei... Faltavam poucos dias para o casamento de Adolfo. A mãe da moça, uma quarentona escultural, estilo Luiza Brunet, lhe disse, no sofá da sala: — Adolfo, quero que você saiba que eu sempre te achei um homem atraente e ... bem ... estou sem graça de falar ... — Pode falar, dona Sônia! Fique à vontade!... Byłem szczęśliwy. Byłem tak szczęśliwy jak tylko mógłbym to sobie wyobrazić. Z moją dziewczyną spotykałem się ponad rok i w końcu zdecydowaliśmy się wziąć ślub. Moi rodzice byli naprawdę zachwyceni... Min underbara flickvän och jag hade varit tillsammans i över ett år och vi beslöt oss för att gifta oss. Det var bara en liten grej som störde mig. Det var hennes vackra lillasyster. Hon var 22, bar tajta shorts och var ofta utan BH. Hon böjde sig... Een jaar na onze verloving staat volgende maand ons huwelijk op het programma. Mijn toekomstige schoonmoeder is, behalve een zeer aantrekkelijke vrouw, een lekker stuk, een organisatorisch genie.... Mijn knappe vriendin en ik waren al meer dan een jaar met elkaar en we besloten het erop te wagen. De huwelijksdatum werd vastgelegd maar er was één ding dat mij parten bleef spelen: haar... Min kommende svigerinde Jeg var meget glad. Jeg havde været sammen med min veninde i over et år, så vi besluttede os for at blive gift. Mine forældre hjalp os på alle måder, og mine venner... Olin onnekas. Minä ja tyttöystäväni olimme seurustelleet jo yli vuoden joten päätimme mennä naimisiin. Vanhempani auttoivat kaikilla tavoilla ja ystäväni tukivat minua ja tyttöystäväni, hän oli... Boldog voltam. Már idestova egy éve járok ezzel a lánnyal és így elhatároztuk, hogy megházasodunk. Szüleim mindenben segítettek, a barátok bátorítottak. És a barátnőm? Ő egy álom. Csak egy dolog... Eram o persoana foarte fericita. Aveam o minunata prietena cu care ma intalneam de mai bine de 1 an, asa ca ne-am decis sa ne casatorim. Exista o singura chestiune care ma deranja. Frumoasa ei sora... Es biju laimīgs. Satikos ar savu draudzeni vairāk nekā gadu, un tā mēs nolēmām apprecēties. Mani vecāki mani atbalstīja, mani draugi iedrošināja, un mana draudzene? Viņa bija sapnis! Bija tikai...
Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Relationship Jokes
Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Friendship Jokes Nurse jokes Boob Jokes
Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes Restaurant Jokes
A Mom is driving a little girl to her friends house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "How old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns.
"It is not polite."
"OK," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "These are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
"Those are enough questions, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," said the friend, "All you need to do is look at her drivers license.
It's like a report card; it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprise and shock now.
"How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks.
"Why?"
"Because you got an F in sеx.
Kids Jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes Divorce Jokes Friendship Jokes