Men jokes - Page 103

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.
So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."
So they do this, and begin painting their room.
Soon they hear a knock at the door.
They ask, "Who is it?"
"Blind man!"
The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt."
They let him in.
The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice t*ts. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

1 0

Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer:
"Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."

1 0

Animal Jokes Religion jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Christian Jokes

What did the homeless man get for christmas?
Nothing.

1 0

Christmas Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Mexican jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Anti-Humor Jokes

I want to thank the girl with no вrа who ran with me through the last few miles of yesterday's marathon. Your lack of support got me through.

1 0

Men jokes

Men vacuum in the same way that they have sеx. They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

1 0

Men jokes

Why do men always give their jackets to their women when they are cold?
Who wants a вlоwjов from a woman who is shaking with her teeth?

1 0

Men jokes

Three old timers at the retirement home were complaining about growing old. The first one says,
"I wake up at 7:00 AM and try for a half hour to take a роор."
The second one says,
"Oh yeah? I spend an hour trying to рее."
The third one says,
"I take a nice роор at 7:00 AM and about 7:30 AM take a nice рее."
The other two guys look at him and ask,
"What are you complaining about?"
The third man explains,
"I don't wake up till 8:30 AM."

1 0

Men jokes Old People Jokes

Man comes home to find his mate shаgging his wife so he stabs the fuскеr to death …his wife says “carry on like that and you’ll have no mates left.

1 0

Cheating Jokes Men jokes

A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in hospital. "How are you grandpa? he asks.

"Feeling fine," says the old man.

"What's the food like?"

"Terrific, wonderful menus."

"And the nursing?"

"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."

"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"

"No problem, nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viаgrа tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light."

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the Sister in charge. "What are you people doing," he says, "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viаgrа on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"

"Oh, yes," replies the Sister. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viаgrа tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viаgrа stops him from rolling out of
bed."

1 1

Old People Jokes Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Chocolate Jokes Nurse jokes Viagra jokes

A man ask his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
Wife says, "I would take half and leave you".
Man says, "Great! I have won a tenner, here a fiver now fuск off!

1 0

Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one so I'm wearing my garage door opener.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on вееr cans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.

I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and call it "Pumping Rust".

I have gotten that dreaded "furniture disease". My chest is falling into my drawers!

I know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . .write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me... they are cramming for finals.

As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.

1 0

Old People Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes God Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Fitness jokes Beer Jokes

Sluт jokes are just whoreable.

Q: What’s the difference between a whоrе and a вiтсh?
A: Whоrе’s fсuк everyone at the party, Вiтсhеs fсuк everyone at the party except you.

Q: How do you make a hormone?
A: Stick a rusty fсuкing chainsaw up her c*nt.

Q: What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
A: Brothel sprouts.

Q: What do you get when you cross a whоrе with a systems engineer?
A: A fcukin know-it-all!

Q: Who makes more money a drug dealer or a whоrе?
A: A hоокеr because she can wash her сrаск and reuse it.

Q: What do you call a Serbian whоrе?
A: Sloberdown Mycockyoubitch

Q: What does bungee jumping and whоrеs have in common?
A: They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you’re sсrеwеd.

Q: Did you hear about the Chinese whоrе that had a black baby?
A: She named him Sum Ting Wong!

Q: Why do Jewish men like to watch роrnо movies backward?
A: They like the part where the whоrе gives the money back.

Q: What do you call a whоrе with no legs?
A: A nightcrawler!

Q: What’s the difference between your job and a Dead Whоrе?
A: Your job still suскs!

Q: What’s the difference between a whоrе and a hockey player?
A: A hockey player takes a shower after 3 periods

1 0

Funny Riddles Money jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes

A man was invited to a wedding. When he reached the hotel, he found two doors written on them…
1.Bride relatives
2.groom relatives
He entered the groom door and found two doors again.
1. Ladies
2. Men
He entered men door and found two doors again.
1.People with gifts
2.People without gifts
He entered the second door (people without gifts )… He found himself outside the hotel.

1 0

Wedding jokes Men jokes Hotel Jokes

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it’s a gаy bar. “But what the heck,” he says to himself, I really want a drink.”
When the gаy waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, “What’s the name of your реnis?” The cowboy says, Look, I’m not into any of that. All I want is a drink.”
The gаy waiter says, “I’m sorry but I can’t serve you until you tell me the name of your реnis. Mine for instance is called Nike, for the slogan ‘Just Do It.’ That guy down at the end of the bar calls his Snickers, because ‘It really Satisfies’.”
The cowboy looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a вееr, “Hey bud, what’s the name of yours?” The man looks back and says with a smile “TIMEX”
The thirsty cowboy asks, “Why Timex?”
The fella proudly replies, “Cause it takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’!”
A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella’s on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, ” So, what do you guys call yours?”
The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, “FORD, because Quality is Job One.” Then he adds, “Have you driven a Ford, lately?” The guy next to him then says, “I call mine CHEVY … Like A Rock!” And gives a wink.
Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood.
Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, “The name of my реnis is SECRET. Now give me a вееr.”
The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a вееr, but with a puzzled look asks, “Why Secret?”
The cowboy says, “Because it’s STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN !!

1 0

Cowboys and Indians Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Bad Habits Jokes Beer Jokes

There's a man walking a tight rope 60 feet above ground.
There's another man getting a bl-owjob from a 60 year old woman. What are they both thinking at the exact same time?
Don't look down, don't look down, don't look down, don't look down!

1 1

Boycott Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes

Guy : If i where a superhero guess which I'd be?
Girl: Iron man? Super Man? Spider Man?
Guy: Your Man.

1 0

Dating Jokes Pick-Up Lines Jokes Men jokes Superhero Jokes

I've lost my dady Whats he like? Big tits and beer

1 0

Men jokes Beer Jokes Boob Jokes

Three dead men go to hеll at the same time. There is a white man, a Chinese man, and a Mexican man. Sатаn tells them that they can only leave hеll if he can't do what they ask. The white man asks for the fastest sports car in the world; he goes to into hеll. The Chinese man asks for the most advanced computer in the world; he goes into to hеll. The Mexican man gets a glass soda bottle, farts into it, closes the lid, pokes many holes in the lid, and asks Sатаn which hole the fаrт came from. After pointing to every hole on the lid, the Mexican turns around, points at his вuтт hole, and says, "Nope, this one."

1 0

Sports Jokes Men jokes

A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.

1 0

Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Men jokes

I like my couches like my I like my women…
Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.

1 1

Men jokes Old People Jokes Fitness jokes