A blonde called her new boss to explain there was a problem with her check.
In checking the timesheets the boss noticed that she had not punched in since her first day of orientation. He tried to explain that her check was right since she had only worked the one day for the company.
The blonde went on insisting that her check was short, and that the company apparently had problems with their math in figuring out her check. She asked her boss how many days were in a year.
He said there are 365.
She asked if he knew how many weeks were in a year.
And he replied there are 52.
She went on to say that since there are 52 weeks per year in which she had 2 weekend days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work.
Since she was scheduled to work 8 hours a day, she spent 16 hours each day away from work, and that added up 170 days, leaving only 91 days for work.
She went on to explain that during the day she spent in company orientation she learned that the company allowed her 30 minutes each day for her two coffee breaks, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days for work.
Orientation also informed her that she would be given a 1-hour lunch each day, which used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.
The company also allowed 2 days per year for sick leave, leaving her only 20 days per year to work.
The company additionally allowed her to be off 5 holidays per year, bringing her available working time down to 15 days.
Then there were the 14 days vacation the company so generously allowed all employees which leaves only 1 day for her to work ... and well, the boss has already conceded that she did time in and out on her orientation day, so would he please get her check corrected. And if it would be easier for the accounting department ... they could go ahead and make it out for her yearly salary, since she had obviously already put in her share of work for that year.
A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: Sеx Frogs! Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions). …
…
The girl thinks excitedly about that frog tongue flicking out and looks around to see if anybody’s watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, “I’ll take one.”
The man packaged the frog and said, “Just follow the instructions carefully. Call me if you have any problems.”
The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.
3. Slip into a very sеxy teddy.
4. Crawl into bed and position the frog in place.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, “If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store.” So, the girl calls the pet store.
The man says, “I had some complaints earlier today. I’ll be right over.” Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The girl welcomes him in and says, “See, I’ve done everything according to the instructions and the dамn thing just sits there.”
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says:
“Listen to me, frog! I’m only going to show you how to do this one more time!”
Female newscaster, “So, Mr. Jones, what are you going to do with these children on this adventure holiday?”
Mr. Jones, “We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, shooting…”
Female newscaster, “Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?”
Mr. Jones, “I don’t see why; they’ll be properly supervised on the range.”
Female newscaster, “Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?”
Mr. Jones, “I don’t see how, we will be teaching them proper range disipline before they even touch a firearm.”
Female newscaster, “But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.”
Mr. Jones, “Well, you’re equipped to be a рrоsтiтuте, but you’re not one, are you?”
Trump and Cruz are sitting in a bar…
A guy walks in, spots them, and asks the barman, ‘Hey, ain’t that Trump and Cruz sitting over there?’
The bartender says, ‘Yep, that’s them.’
So the guy walks over and says, ‘Wow, what an honor! What are you guys doing in here?’
Trump says, ‘We’re planning World War III.’
The guy says, ‘Really? Whaddaya think you’ll do?’
Trump says, ‘Well, we’re planning to кill 140 million Muslims, and a stunning blonde with a Double-D rack.’
The guy exclaims, ‘A beautiful blonde with double-D rack? You’re shittin’ me. Why кill a gorgeous blonde with big тiтs?’
Trump turns to Cruz, and says, ‘See? I told you, no one gives a shiт about 140 million Muslims.’