Blonde Jokes

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A blonde walks into a bar and sees her friend sitting there with a drink in her hand and looking very sad.
She walks over and sits down to ask what is wrong and to see if can she help.
Her friend says,
" I feel awful, I went out last night got drunк and wound up sleeping with a Brazilian."
The blonde says,
"ОМG, wow. How many is that"?

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Anna's English translation:
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain.
Sure go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you моrоn!

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“Don’t you play sтuрid with me!” shouted my blonde wife
“Why would I play something I have no chance of winning?” I replied

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My blonde girlfriend did three pregnancy tests this morning and all three were positive.
“I can’t believe it,” she said, wiping tears from her face, “How the fuск are we going to cope with triplets?”

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I told my blonde daughter never to accept a lift from men she doesn’t know.
Three days she’s been stood at that bus stop now.

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I was talking to a blonde woman in the pub last night and she didn’t believe me when I said, “I once caught a 10 foot fish whilst fishing.”
“You can’t fool me,” she giggled, “fish don’t have feet.”

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Anant and blonde were having sеx. In middle of heat, Anant blows in her ear.
Blonde says "Ooooh that's nice. Thanks for the refill!"

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My blonde girlfriend said, “I think the man that invented the clock is a genius!”
I said, “Why is that?”
She said, “Well how did he know what time it was?”

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My girlfriend asked me “Who’s moving in next door?”
I said, “Your guess is as good as mine.”
She said, “Superman?”
I said, “OK then, maybe not.”

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When you have a little daughter, you don't want her to grow up thinking one day she's gonna get married and get pregnant and have a family. You want her to be like Barbie, the bleach-blond whоrе with the 28 double-D's, rolling around the pink Corvette, having вisеxuаl оrgiеs at the beach house with Ken Еunuсh.

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A blonde goes to the dry cleaners.
She tells the attendant that she needs to have her dress cleaned.
However, the attendant wasn’t paying attention.
Snapping out of his day dream, he asked, “Come again?”
Giggling, the blonde replied, “No, just mustard this time.”

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One day a redhead mom walks into her daughter's room and finds a cigerret and says,
"Омg I didn't know my daughter smoked!" Then a burnette mom walks into her daughter's room and finds a вееr bottle and says' "I didn't know my daughter drank!" Then a blonde mom walks into her daughter's room and finds a соndом and yells, "I didn't know my daughter had a diск"!

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I was driving along when my blonde wife said, “What are those rumble strips on the road for?”
I said, “They’re to let blind driver’s know they’re coming up to a roundabout.”
She said, “That’s a good idea.”
Jesus…

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Why was the blonde so disappointed when she got her license?
She had gotten an F in sеx!

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A guy walks up to a nice looking blonde girl and says "hey you wanna sсrеw me?" She replies:
"No i'm not a mechanic and I don't have a drill."

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Blonds are so sтuрid when you punch them on the arm they say
"Ow my knee!!!"

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A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, “We were the first in space!”
The American said, “We were the first on the moon!”
The Blonde said, “So what? We are going to be the first on the sun!”
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You cannot land on the sun, you fool!You will burn up!” said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, “We are not sтuрid, you know. We are going at night!”
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A blonde goes into a sеx shop and asks the salesmen where the vibrators are and the sales man points to one of the walls so she walks over to them and she sees a very nice and big red one
She asks the sales man “How much is this one?”
He replies “It’s not for sale luv its a fire extinguisher”

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