A guy took a blonde out on a date. Eventually they ended up parked at a “lovers point” where they started making out. After things started getting pretty good, he thought he might get lucky, so he asked her “Do you want to get into the back seat?”
“NO!” she answered.
Okay, he thought, maybe she’s not ready yet.
Now he has her shirt and skirt off, the windows are steamed, and things are getting really hot, so he asks again, “Do you want to get into the back seat?”
“NO!” she answers again.
Now he has her вrа off, they’re both very sweaty, and she even has his pants unzipped. Okay, he thinks, she HAS to want it now. “Do you want to get into the back seat NOW?” he asks again. “NO!” she answers yet again.
Frustrated, he demands “Well, why not!”
“Because I want to stay up here with you!”
Three blondes were applying for the last available position in the Wyoming Sheriff’s Department. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, “So ya’ll want to be a cop, eh?” The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a file folder. Sitting back down, he opened it up and pulled out a picture and said,
“To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice such things as distinguishing features and oddities, like scars and tattoos.”
So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.
“Now,” he said, “did you notice any distinguishing features about the man?”
The blonde immediately said, “Yes, I did. He has only one eye!”
The detective shook his head and said, “Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It’s a profile of his face! You’re dismissed!”
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the same photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, “What about you? Did you notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?”
“Yes! He only has one ear!”
The detective put his head in his hand and exclaimed, “Didn’t you hear what I just told the other ? This is a profile of the man’s face! Of course you can only see one ear! You’re excused, too!”
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, “This is probably a waste of time, but….”
He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, “All right. Did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?”
The blonde replied, “I sure did! This man wears contact lenses.”
The detective frowned, examined the picture and began reviewing some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, “You’re absolutely right!
His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at this picture?”
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, “Well, duhhhhhhh!
With only one eye and one ear he certainly can’t wear glasses!”
There was a blonde who wanted a promotion at work, but her employer denied her the oppurtunity because she was blonde, so she dyed her hair a light brown colour, thinking it would do the trick, she would try it at work but first she was going to try it on the general public. So one day, she was in the countryside, and she pulled up by a farm, there was a farmer tending to some sheep, when she asked,
"If I can count how many sheep are in your field, could I have one."
"That is a deal, young lady," he replied. So she counted them up and finally counted them all.
"126"
"Well young lady, a deal is a deal, take your pick"
She was walking back to the car when the farmer called. "Young lady, if I guess what colour your hair really is, can I have my dog back??"
A pretty blonde walks into a bar and asks the handsome fellow at the bar what he’s drinking.
He says, “Magic вееr. You want one?”
“Aw, that’s sтuрid. There’s no such thing” she says.
“Look, I’ll show you”. He takes a big swig and proceeds to throw himself out of a nearby window, where he proceeds to fly up and around the building, and back into bar window.
“That’s incredible! I don’t believe it!” she says.
“Hey barkeep, throw me another one o’ them Magic Beers”. The bartender shakes his head and pours another вееr and slides it down the bar. The man chugs about half of it and proceeds to leap out the window and circle the building again.
“Here, you try it” he says to the blonde.
She takes a big draw on the glass, jumps out of the window, and falls about 30 feet to the ground - breaking both her legs - and begins screaming in pain.
The bartender says, “Superman, you’re a real ba*таrd when you’re drunк.”
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, a blonde (of course!!), new to boating was having problems. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t get her brand new 22ft Bayliner to perform.
It wouldn’t plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong.
A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran, the out drive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch.
So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath only to come up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
Remember this is true.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.