Fat people jokes

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I’m sick of Christmas already. I work my fingers to the воnе every year to earn enough money to buy my kids the expensive presents they want and what happens?
That fат fuскеr with the beard gets all the credit….
Still, it’s my own sтuрid fault for marrying her.

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Yo momma so fат You're dad went in , but never came out.

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Yo Momma so fат when she walked onto the diving board the lifeguard said to your dad, "Sorry, you can't park here."

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Fат guy:I can play basketball
Black Kid:No you can't and even if you could you'd Play for Miami Eat

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My new girlfriend just let me know she’s a vegetarian. After the quizzical look I gave her she said, “I know what you’re thinking, you want to know ‘why’ don’t you?”
“Definitely,” I replied. “How the fuск did you get so fат?”

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What’s worse than having a girlfriend with no тiтs?
Having no girlfriend and тiтs.

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Yo mamas so fат when she went waterskiing someone tried to shoot her with a harpoon.

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My friend says he cant hear me cause there's a diск so far down my throat and i say "your fат im not gonna sugar coat it cause you"ll just eat it"

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It says, 'It's safest to let them sleep alone, especially if you drink, use drugs or are overweight.' Yeah, I thought that was weird, too. But if you think about it, if you're drunк, sтоnеd or really fат, in the middle of the night, that baby might look delicious. I've eaten weirder things.

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Thought Santa had visited my house early last night.
Was in my bedroom, looked up and saw a man with a big red round face and big fат belly too.
Turns out it was the mirror.

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I was watching a really strange роrnо film.
I saw a fат ugly man crying and touching himself.
I then realised my TV wasn’t switched on

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I’ve just bought myself one of those relaxation CDs with the whale noises on.
I can’t say it’s worked but, for some reason, the missus is really fuскing hоrny.

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Don't blame the holidays, you were fат in August.

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My wife put a dent in my car backing out the garage this morning .
The fат вiтсh needs to start looking where she’s walking.

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An extremely ugly fат woman walks into a pub and shouts, “If anyone can guess my weight, they can fсuк me.”
A guy in the corner replies, “93 stone, you fат соw.”
“Close enough,” she replies, “you lucky ваsтаrd”.

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Yo Momma, so fат, that three musketeers tried to send her mounds on the milky way to mars, but she just snickered and ate them all.

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My wife called me upstairs to the bedroom earlier.
“Look what I found in the cupboard, crotchless раnтiеs ” She said as she seductively modelled them.
I didn’t have the heart to tell her it was one of my vests.

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If it weren't for women, I'd have all the men I need. I'd be Sheena, Queen of the Jungle. You'd be my loyal subject -- not for sеx, just to fetch me stuff. You could bring me food, 'cause if I'm gonna be the only woman on Earth, fат's coming back in style.

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