Food Jokes

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Yo' Mama is so skanky, when the waiter brought out her sтriр steak, she asked where to tuck the dollar bills.

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Yo' Mama is so poor, she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to liск other people's fingers.

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Yo' Mama is so poor, she only goes to the grocery store for free samples.

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Yo momma's so fат, she only knows 3 letters of the alphabet: KFC.

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Little Johnny got caught stealing in a FOOD 4 LESS and runs away from the cops.
He runs towards his school and into his classroom.
He asks his teacher "May I please hide in your classroom because I got caught stealing".
The teacher says "Yes".
Little Johnny first hides under a desk, but no, the cops can see him there.
He then hides behind the door, but no, the cops can see him there.
So the teacher suggested to little Johnny "Hide under my long, fluffy skirt".
Little Johnny says "O.K."
The cops arrive and ask the teacher "Have you seen a little boy around here?".
The teacher replies "sorry, I haven't".
When the cops left the classroom the teacher says" Johnny, the cops are gone.you can come out now".
Little johnny replies" not yet, I got one more braid to go".

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If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.

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When Chuck Norris cuts onions, the onins cry.

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Q: What day does an Easter egg hate the most?
A: Fry-days.

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An old, old man was lying in his death bed upstairs.
His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies.
As he lay there, gasping for each breath, he was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies.
He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs.
Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on the table.
He finally made it to the table and he reached a shaking hand towards the cookies.
Suddenly, his wife slapped his hand sharply and yelled, "DON’T TOUCH THOSE - they’re for the funeral!"

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Dad tries to persuade his son to eat the egg he has prepared for him:
"Eat your egg my child to become as big as daddy!"
"I do not want," says the little one.
"Eat it my boy to become strong and powerful."
"I’m telling you, no!" insists the youngest.
"My dear son eat your egg to make your bird grow."
And the mom from the inside "George, you eat the egg… I’ll make burgers for the kid!"

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"Why are you studying your Easter candy?"
"I'm trying to decide which came first-the chocolate chicken or the chocolate egg!"

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Question: What’s the ideal breakfast setting?
Answer: You’re sitting at the kitchen table and your son is on the cover of the Wheaties box, your mistress is on the cover of Рlаyвоy, and your wife is on the back of a milk carton.

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Have you heard of the new Obama happy meal at Mcdonalds?
It comes with a promise that you'll get a toy someday.

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How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three.
One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.

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Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."

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The cannibals on the island Borneo have caught and after that have grilled one gypsy boy on a turnspit.
They had to turn him really quickly above the burning fire because at a slower speed of rotation he managed to steal the potatoes from the live coal.

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Yo momma's so fат...
To her light food means under 4 Tons.

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What did one dairy соw say to another?
Got milk?

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