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Food Jokes

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Three men are all working on building a house. They go up to the roof for lunch, and unwrapped their sandwiches. The Brunette says "if I get one more Tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this roof and кill myself. The black haired one says "if I get one more pickle and lettuce sandwich, I, too, am going to jump off this roof and кill myself. The blonde looks at his sandwich and also declares, "if I get one more peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I'm going to jump off this roof and кill myself." The next day, they all get the same sandwiches and кill themselves. That night, their wives all meet up and mourn. "If I had known that my husband was going to кill himself over a sandwich, I wouldn't have given it to him." The brunette cries. "Same," the raven head replies. They both look at the blonde. "Don't look at me, he packed his own lunch!"
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Why did was the Mexican fast food vendor arrested?
He was planning a tacover.
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One fine day, a priest, a rabbi, and a high priestess decide to all go fishing. They manage to get to the water, and off they go. One hour later, the high priestess says,
"I think I forgot the food!" She steps off the boat, walks across the water, gets the picnic basket, and walks back! As they are eating, the priest thinks, "What a display. Jeez, where does she get off walkin' on the water?" Right then, the rabbi says,
"Oye! I forgot the drinks." He steps right off the boat, and walks across the water to get the drinks. By this time, the priest is very frustrated! He excuses himself, and as the priest steps out of the boat, he falls in the water. The high priestess turns to the rabbi and says,
"You think we should have told him about the rocks?"
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Husband:
"Hey honey, I'm just going to go to the shops, be back in 30."
Wife:
"Ok, could you get me some... wait. Did you say 30? 30 years ago Micheal Jackson released the album Thriller. Thriller was a hit. You hit a baseball. Baseballs are white. The white crayon never gets used. A crayon is 3.5 inches. There are 12 inches in a foot. A foot has 5 toes, so both feet have a total of 10. Ten rhymes with hen. Hens lay eggs. Eggs are food. Food pyramid. Fruits are on the food pyramid. You like girls that smell fruity. Oh my god. YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME!"
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Q. what did the nacho say to the taco?
A. I"m nacho friend
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What happened when the Zucchini played baseball?
It got pickled
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Their was four women right? and they all had a counsling session together. it was a class for addictions. so the coulsler guy turns to the group. " ok all of your addictions reflect in the name of your child." he looks at the first lady... your addicted to money theirfor your doughters name is penny. he turns to the second one. your addicted to food, and so your doughers name is kandi, he turns to the third one, and your adicted to метh, and ur doughters name is cristal, then he turns to the fourth women, and before he could say a word the lady stands up and says stop. then she grabs her sons hand and begins to leave... "c'mon diск were leaving".
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"Dog food lid" spelled backwards is "dildо of god"
Carry on.
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Three boys were discussing their fathers' favorite foods. The first kid said his father loves to eat burgers. The second boy said his father loves KFC. The third boy said his father loves to eat light. The other two boys questioned how his father does that. The third boy replied, "Every night I hear my daddy tell mommy to turn off the light so he can eat it."
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If sеx were fast food, you'd have an arch over your head.
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Yo momma so sтuрid, she tried to mail a letter using food stamps.
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Treat a gamer like you would treat a tomato. Give them food and drink and don't leave them in direct sunlight.
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People:
"I love it when my boyfriend tells me he loves me."
Me:
"I love it when my microwave tells me my food is ready."
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Wife: I hate that beggar.
Husband: Why?
Wife: That rascal, yesterday I gave him food and today he gave me a Cookbook!
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Does anybody else's grandparents eat the fake food? My grandfather was the worst because he had bad eyes and he was always hungry. I'm in a restaurant one time, we go to the men's room -- my grandfather was standing by the соndом machine going, 'Hey, this gum has got no flavor.'
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I could not find a frozen chicken big enough for my family dinner. I asked the young man behind the butcher counter if these chickens got any larger?
He replied, "I'm afraid not, they are all dead."
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I think the holidays are important because that's when you go home and do some alcoholic drinking and compulsive overeating with your dysfunctional families.
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I’ve made myself a girlfriend out of plastic food wrap.
She’s a bit clingy.
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