An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up…
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, ‘Things are great and I’ve never felt better.’
I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.
“So what do you think about that Doc?”
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.
“I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.”
One day he was setting off to go hunting.
In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.”
“As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male веаvеr sitting at the water’s edge..
He realized he’d left his gun at home and so he couldn’t shoot the magnificent creature.
Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went ‘ваng, ваng’.”
“Miraculously, two shots rang out and the веаvеr fell over dead.
Now, what do you think of that?” asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said, “Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that веаvеr.”
The doctor replied, “My point exactly.”
A husband a wife lived very happily together. One day while the husband was at work, his friend came over. The wife opened the door and offered him some snacks. As they sat down on the table, the husband's friend notice how beautiful her воовs were.
"I would pay you 100 dollars to see one of your воовs" said the friend
The wife thought about it, she knew that her husband saw her воовs for free, yet here is someone willing to pay me.
"Yes ofcourse you can" said the wife.
She lifted her top, just so he could see one boob
"Dамn, you have amazing воовs, ill pay you another 100 dollars to see them both together" said the friend
The wife thought about it, she knew her husband saw both воовs for free every night, yet someone is willing to pay me.
"Ofcourse" she said
After the friend left, the wife quickly grabbed the 200 dollars she just earned. Suddenly her husband walks in the house unannounced.
"Hey did my friend stop by here?" the husband said
"Yes he did" said the wife
"Oh good, he also left the 200 dollars he owes me!" said the husband
In good weather, my friend Mark always let his yellow-naped Amazon parrot, Nicky, sit on the balcony of his tenth-floor apartment. One morning, Nicky flew away, much to Mark’s dismay. He searched and called for the bird, with no luck.
The next day when Mark returned from work, the phone rang. “Is this Mark?” The caller asked. “You’re going to think this is crazy, but there’s a bird outside on my balcony saying, ‘Hello, this is Mark.’ Then it recites this phone number and says, ‘I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you will leave a message at the tone, I will call you back.’ So I'm guessing this is your bird?”