Gay Jokes, Lesbian Jokes

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Lеsвiаns shouldn’t be allowed to buy strap-ons and dildоs.
They’ve made their choice.

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I was alone. It was 2AM and my Rаndy-meter was going off scale. I wanted to be a bottom. I needed a top. I wanted to be a catcher. I needed a pitcher.
I checked Craigslist and called this dude. I told him I could only pay by check. He said, “That’s cool.”
When he was done, I got out my checkbook.
He looks at it… “This isn’t a check,” he said, “It’s a stub.”
“Consider us even then,” I said, and shut the door.

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My daughter came running in and said, “Daddy, I’ve just seen two fairies at the bottom of the garden.”
Humouring her I said, “Really, what were they doing?”
She said, “Suскing each other’s соскs.”

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“Mum I’m going out”
“Your not leaving this house until you change that mini shirt”
“Why?”
“Because I can see your ваlls Richard”

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I was walking today when I saw a guy with a gаy walk approaching me. “Oh, here we go!” I thought to myself. “Who’s this веndеr?”
As I got closer I was shocked to find it was just my reflection in a shop window.

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What's the definition of "Tender Love?" Two gаys with hemorrhoids.

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I walked into the living room today and turned on Dave.
I don’t know why, I didn’t do anything sеxy.

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Things got edgy in the pub Saturday night Two gаy guys were upset about something and they were fighting … really bad … smashing chairs, Screaming ….
Finally the bartender and bouncer got them out the door.
But they continued their argument; last I heard they were exchanging blows in the alley behind the bar.

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Did you hear Vaseline is coming out with new labels for its petroleum jelly? They're going to have a picture of missing gerbils on it.

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A biker stops a young girl who’s about to jump off a bridge.
He asks her: Do U mind giving me the final kiss before you jump?
She quietly accepted & gave him one of the deepest lingering kisses ever.
When she finished, He said: Wow, this is the best Kiss I ever had.
That’s a real talent U R wasting. Why R U committing suicide?
She replied: My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl.

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Rodney (Light in the Loafers) Limpwrist stopped into Chauncey’s diner and ordered a grilled cheese and a salad.
He remarked to his waitress, “My the dressing on this salad is so delicious; it seems to have a familiar, memorable, distinctive taste, but I just can’t pinpoint the taste and flavor. I wish I could put my finger on it. May I have another salad with your distinctive dressing?”
The waitress barked out to Chauncey back in the kitchen:
“Come again on the salad!”
Rodney:
“I knew it! I KNEW it!”

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This gаy guy walks into a butcher shop. “I’d like to buy some sausage, please.” …
…
The butcher says, “Would you like it in slices?” …
…
“What…does my аrsе look like a piggy bank or something?”

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I was in the pub when a guy called me a Gаy Cheapskate.
So I threw his drink in his face.

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The thing I love most about this hot weather is the Short Skirts and Low Cut Tops.
Although, they do make me look a bit gаy.

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I was invited to attend a lеsвiаn rally.
Two hours of shiт driving? No thanks.

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Common sense is like AIDS.
Some are born with it while others have to get it pounded into them.

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I had my first ever gаy experience last night.
I went to Starbucks and ordered a skinny latte

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One of my mates told me that I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.
Which was an incredibly unnecessary and hurtful thing to say. It ruined our bath.

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