Harry Potter Jokes

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How is the Battle for Hogwarts like a Black Friday sale?
Weasley twins are 50 percent off.

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What did Harry say to Hermione when she lent him a galleon?
“Thanks for the gold kind, Granger.”

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If Hermione was a mathematician what would her kids be named?
Hermitwo and Hermithree.

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Why does Ron love his pet rat so much?
It’s the pet-he-grew up with! (Get it? Pettigrew!)

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Why did Ron lose the election?
People thought his elect-Ron campaign was too negative.

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Why couldn’t Harry find Hermione?
He was looking in all the Ron places.

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Ron lives a long, happy life and then dies. What does he reincarnate as?
A neuron.

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Roses are red, violets are blue…
If you don’t like Harry Potter puns, something is Siriusly Ron with you.

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What’s the difference between Harry Potter and a spelling bee contestant?
One conjures spells and the other spells conjure.

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In a snowstorm, Hagrid takes the cremated remains of Harry Potter and throws them out. What does he say?
“You’re a blizzard, Harry!”

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What do wizards in Harry Potter use instead of laxatives?
Expellianus.

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What kind of drink would Harry Potter order at a bar?
Something Gin-ey

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How does Harry Potter listen to music?
He puts on Sirius XM.

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A wizard walks into a pub and orders a Forgetfulness Potion. He looks to the witch next to him and asks, “So, do I come here often?”

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How do wizards read PDFs?
With a Dobby.

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What did the house-elf say when he came from college?
“Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf.”

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What do you call a house-elf in a hotel?
A Dobby in a lobby.

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Hermione got attacked by a troll in the bathroom.
Ginny got abducted in the bathroom. Moaning Myrtle got killed in the bathroom. Moral of the story? Don’t go to the bathroom alone!

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