Little Johnny

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Teacher:
“You haven’t been naughty, Little Johnny. Why do you want to stand in the corner?” ….
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Little Johnny:
“I’m trying to warm up - Mr Smith said corners are almost always 90 degrees.”

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One day little Johnny’s neighbor was washing dishes and saw little Johnny out the window sitting on the steps with his pet cat. …
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She saw him eat a jelly bean, bite the cat’s tail and move down a step. …
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She continued to watch him and he did it again (eat a jelly bean, bite the cat’s tail and move down a step). …
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When curiosity got the best of her, she went across the street and asked little Johnny what he was doing. …
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He said “I’m pretending I’m an 18-wheeler truck driver.”
She asked him, “Well Johnny what does that mean?”
He said “I’m popping pills, eating рussy and moving on!”

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Little Johnny is in art class. The art teacher asks, “What are you drawing?"
Johnny answers, “A соw eating grass,"
"Where's the grass?"
"The соw ate it!"
"Oh... what about the соw?"
"She ran away!"

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Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. His Dad reluctantly agrees.
Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, ‘Dad, what’s love juice?’
Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sеx.
Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement. Dad says, ‘So what were you watching?’
Billy says, ‘ Wimbledon .’

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Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, wrote the word “PERIOD” on the blackboard, then sat back down.
Well the teacher couldn’t figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
“It’s a period” reported Johnny.
“Well I can see that” she said. “But what is so exciting about a period.”
“Dammmmnnn if I know” said Johnny, “but this morning my sister said she missed one.
Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mummy fainted and Uncle Bob сrар himself.”

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Little Johnny:
“Mummy, last night I saw the baby-sitter kissing a strange man in our living room.” ….
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Mum:
“What?!” ….
…. ….
Little Johnny:
“Ha-ha, April Fool … it was only Daddy.”

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One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing and
Staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church.
The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the
Pastor walked up and stood beside him. Gazing up at the plaque, too, he
Said quietly, "Good morning son."
"Good morning pastor" replied the young man, not taking his eyes off
The plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked.
"Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque.
Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly,
"Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30 service?"

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Little Johnny sat silently at the back of the class, along with his fellow students. His teacher began discussing vocabulary. She asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Mary raised her hand and said, 'I went to the beach yesterday, and the sea was fascinating'.
The teacher replied, 'Good attempt, Mary, but I want "fascinate", not "fascinating"'.
Harry waved his hand and stated, 'We visited Grandpa's farm yesterday and I was fascinated.'
Ms Davids shook her head. 'The word is "fascinate", but good try.'
Little Johnny waved his hand wildly at the teacher. "My aunt bought a new 10-button shirt the other day, but her воовs are too big and she can only fasten eight'. XD

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Little Johnny’s teacher was teaching the kids about starvation.
Being a good teacher she decided to call on selected students to draw a picture of starvation on the board.
Sue went first, she drew a round circle with three little lines in the middle of the circle.
The teacher said, “that’s very good Sue. What is it?”
Sue said, “that’s a plate with only three carrot sticks to eat, I think that …represents starvation.”
Next went Dan, he drew a round circle with 3 dots in the middle. The teacher said, “that’s good Dan. What is it?”
Dan said, “that’s a plate with only 3 peas to eat. I think that represents starvation.”
Johnny went next. He drew a picture of a round circle with little squiggely lines all over in the circle.
The teacher said, “that’s good Johnny. What is it?”
Johnny said, “that’s an a-hole with cob webs…….. If that isn’t starvation, I don’t know what is.

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Teacher: OK, Little Johnny, point to the USA on the map.
Little Johnny: OK!
Little Johnny points to the USA.
Teacher: Great job, Johnny! Now, who discovered the USA?
Little Johnny: I did!

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At dinner with friends and family Johnny was asked to say the prayer. "But I don't know how to pray," he replied.
"Just pray for your family, friends and neighbors, the poor, etc," said his father.
"Okay," the boy said.
"Dear Lord,.. Thank you for our visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so they won't come again. Forgive our neighbors son, who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her on the bed. This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all those poor ladies on my Daddy's Blackberry who do not have any clothes. And provide shelter for the homeless man who uses Mom's room when Daddy is at work.... AMEN"
Dinner was cancelled.

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Teacher: Johnny what do you want to be when you grow up?
Johnny: Either an animal Vet or a Taxidermist.
Teacher: Why did you choose such different careers?
Johnny: Well, either way you get your dog back.

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Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.
She says, “Hello class, I’m Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an “r ” after the first letter. ”
The entire class says, “Hello Mrs. Prussy. ”
A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is.
Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, “I remember it has an “r ” after the first letter. “That’s right! ” she coaxed.
Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, “was it …Mrs. Crunt? “

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Teacher: Why are you talking?
Little Johnny: Well God gave me a mouth so I'm allowed to use it.

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Little Johnny goes into school after being absent the previous day.
His teacher demands, “Where were you yesterday?”
“I’m sorry Miss, my dad got burnt,” replies Johnny.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I hope it wasn’t serious.” says the teacher.
To which Johnny replies, “Well, they don’t fсuк about at the crematorium, Miss.”

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Little Johnny asked his Grandma how old she was.
Grandma answered, "39 and holding."
Johnny thought about that and then asked,
"And how old would you be if you let go?"

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Little Johnny is walking down the hall when he hears a noise from his parents room. He knocks on the door and asks his mom what’s going on. “Playing cards,” she replies. “Who’s your partner?” asked little johnny. “Your father!”
Content with his answer, Little Johnny walks further down the hall towards his room when he hears the same noise coming from his sister’s room. Again, he knocks on the door and asked his sister what was she doing. “Playing cards.”
“With who?” he asks. “My boyfriend!” she says.
A short while later, Little Johnny’s father is walking down the hall and hears a noise coming from Little Johnny’s room. He knocks on the door and asks “What are you doing?”
“Playing cards!” replied Johnny. “Who’s your partner?” asked his father…
Little Johnny answers promptly, “With a hand like this who needs a partner?”

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Little Johnny walked in on his parents doing it. "What are you doing" he asked. The father quickly replied, "Oh, I'm playing cards. Your mother is my wild card."
"Oh, ok" Johnny replied. The next day, Johnny walks in to a room to find his father маsтurватing. He says,
"What are you doing".
"Oh playing cards again" the father replied. "But wheres your wild card" Johnny asked. His father looks at him seriously and says,
"Son, you don't need a wild card if you have a good hand"

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