Little Johnny

Johny went to the butchery, because he wanted to buy a little brain, so he has asked the saleswoman:
"Have you got a little brain?"
The saleswoman has said:
"Yes, we have."
Johny has asked her:
"And is the little brain still fresh?"
The saleswoman has said:
"Yes, yesterday he has successfully solved the crossword puzzles."

46

Johny visits the psychiatrist and tells him:
"Lately I have a big problem with my memory."
The psychiatrist asks Johny:
"And how does it demonstrate concretely?"
Johny:
"What?"

47

Teacher:
"If you bought 8 hotdogs,9 cheese burgers and 7 fillet o fishes and you ate 8 hotdogs 9 cheese burger and 7 fillet o fish what do you have at the end?"
Little Johnny:
"A bad blatter issue."

50

Little Johnny was raking leaves with his Dad who was telling him about how the fairies turned the leaves brown. He looked up puzzled and said: Dad haven’t you ever heard of photosynthesis?”

0

Little Johnny was in the kitchen playing with his toy train as his father cooked dinner.
Little Johnny stopped the train and said,
"All you damn a**holes who want to get off, get the hell off. All those who want to get on, get the hell on!"
"Little Johnny!" exclaimed his father. "I can't believe you are using that language! You should be ashamed of yourself! I want you to go to your room and don't come back until you have thought about what you've done!"
So Little Johnny goes to his room and comes back an hour or so later.
He resumes playing with his train, only this time when he stops it he says,
"All of you ladies and gentlemen who want to get off, you may now get off, and those who want to get on, you may now also get on. And as for those of you who have a problem with the hour delay, talk to the a**hole in the kitchen!"

0

A teacher asks his pupils, “Can anyone tell me the difference between constructive criticism and unnecessary nastiness?”
Little Johnny puts his hand up.
“One is the process of offering valid and well-reasoned opinions about the work of others, usually involving both positive and negative comments.”
“Very good, Johnny,” says the teacher. “And the other?”
“Your mum’s a cunt.”

0

Little Johnny's dad drove Johnny to boarding school and leaves him there. For the following week however, Johnny misses school.
When Johnny returned to school the next week the teacher asks Johnny why he had missed class for a week. Johnny replied that his dad passed away and he had to attend to his funeral.
The following week, Johnny's dad comes to visit Johnny at school and was directed to Johnny's classroom. While at the door, Johnny's dad knocks and says “Excuse me sir, I am here to see my son, Johnny. I am his dad."
Teacher surprised and confused asks, "Are you Johnny's real dad? I thought Johnny's father had passed away?" Johnny's Father is confused.
The teacher realized what was going on. So he quickly turns to the class and calls out “Johnny, your dead father is here to see you."
Johnny's heart beats faster and he grows small, but looks up to the teacher and whispers "How the heck did he came back alive."

0

Little Johnny: Mom, I was in the bus yesterday with dad and he asked me to give up my seat for a lady.
Mom: Good, you did the right thing.
Little Johnny: But Mom, I was sitting on dad’s lap.

0

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny’s mother says, “Let’s not be too harsh on them… they are bound to be curious about sex at that age.”
“Curious about sex?” replies Mary’s mother. “He’s taken her fucking appendix out!”

0