Little Johnny

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Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
The policeman said, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Вееr and women!"

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On Sunday little Johnny with his dad went for bathing.
The ground was slippery.
So poor boy for avoiding of knocking down grabbed his father's реnis.
His father smiled and told him: "Oh boy you are lucky. If you were with your mother you were concussion!"

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Teacher: "What does a duck say?"
Jenny: "Quack Quack"
Teacher: "What does a соw say?"
Madison: "Moo"
Teacher: "What does a pig say?"
Little Johnny: "A pig says *holds up gun* get on the wall, you мотhеrfuскеr!"

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Teacher:
"If you bought 8 hotdogs,9 cheese burgers and 7 fillet o fishes and you ate 8 hotdogs 9 cheese burger and 7 fillet o fish what do you have at the end?"
Little Johnny:
"A bad blatter issue."

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Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "If I have 5 cookies, and I give you 2, how many cookies do I have left?"
Little Johnny replies, "Zero, you're giving me more than just 3 cookies. I'm taking all 5 baby!"
The teacher just facepalms herself. "I can strongly suggest that you work on your math skills Johnny." the teacher suggests.
"Oh I know math, one man plus one girl, subtract a соndом, equals a baby!" Little Johnny says.

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One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes.
Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your реnis reach your аsshоlе?" "No", said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."

The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking вееr. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your вееr?" His grandpa replied, "Can your реnis reach your аsshоlе?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough." his grandpa replied.

The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your реnis reach your аsshоlе?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuск yourself. These are my cookies!"

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During a conversation regarding new potential Johny's job:
"Johny, tell us and what is your weak feature?"
Johny:
"Openness!"
Interviewer:
"But the openness isn't a weak feature!"
Johny:
"Ok, but I fuск what you think!"

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Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him:
"Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?"
Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."

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Little Johnny walks into his parent's room one night to find them having sеx.
"Mom? What are you doing?" he asks his mom.
"Making a cake" his mom replies.
Later that week, Little Johnny walks asks his mom in the car "Were you and daddy making a cake on the couch" he asks.
"Yeah. Why?" his mom asks, confused and worried.
"Because I licked the icing off the couch! It was delicious!" he responded.

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Johny visits the psychiatrist and tells him:
"Lately I have a big problem with my memory."
The psychiatrist asks Johny:
"And how does it demonstrate concretely?"
Johny:
"What?"

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Johny went to the butchery, because he wanted to buy a little brain, so he has asked the saleswoman:
"Have you got a little brain?"
The saleswoman has said:
"Yes, we have."
Johny has asked her:
"And is the little brain still fresh?"
The saleswoman has said:
"Yes, yesterday he has successfully solved the crossword puzzles."

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One day, Little Johnny was with his father at home.
He asked:
"What does "evolution" mean?"
His father replied, "Figure it out."
Next day, at school, during a math test, a boy raised his hand:
"What's 289+308?"
The teacher said:
"Figure it out."
Ten minutes later, Little Johnny looked at the boy and said:
"Why don't you write "evolution"? Your teacher already told you!"

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While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!"
Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad.
Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.
Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"

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Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being sтuрid.
Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime - Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's вiggеr?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"

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Little Johnny walks into his dad's bedroom and sees him sliding on a соndом. His father tries to hide it by bending over, as if to look under the bed.
Little Johnny asks curiously, "What are you doing, Dad?"
His father quickly replies, "I thought I saw a mouse go underneath the bed."
Little Johnny replies, "What are you gonna do - sсrеw him?"

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Little Johnny runs into his house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," says his mom, "Of course not."
After Little Johnny runs back outside, his mom hears him yell to his friend, "It's OK, we can keep playing!"

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A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best вiтсh with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.
"And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.
Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's вiтсh."

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A teacher said to her class, "Right, i'm going to hold something under the desk and i want you to guess it. This one is round and red."
Little Johnny's hand shot up, but he was ignored.
"It's a plum miss," said a girl.
"no it's an apple, but i like your thinking.
The next one is oval shaped and green."
The teacher ignored Little Johnny again and a boy said, "It's a kiwi miss."
No, it's a guana, but i like your thinking."
Little Johnny said, " I got one miss, its stiff, about an inch long and with a red nib."
"Johnny, that's disgusting!" shouted the teacher.
" no it's a match, but i like your thinking." Said Little Johnny.

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