Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
A family doctor is seeing an 80 year old patient for the first time. She tells him, “Since this is your first time here, I’d like to get a little history on you. Who’s been your regular doctor up till now?”
The man says, “I don’t remember saying I’ve ever been to the doctor.”
The doctor is astonished. “What? You’ve never been to a doctor?”
The man says, “Nope. Never needed one before.”
“That’s remarkable,” she says. “But there must be a family doctor somewhere. What about your father when he was alive. Who was the family doctor?”
“I don’t remember saying my father had passed away.”
“Oh, I’m sorry! You’re father’s still alive? He must be at least a hundred.”
“Yep. ‘Bout that. And he’s never been to the doctor either.”
She says, “Well that’s one impressive bloodline you have there. What an amazing family. But there’s got to be a doctor in the history somewhere. What about your grandfather when he was alive? Who was the family doctor?”
“I don’t remember saying my grandfather had passed away.”
“Oh come on now, you must be kidding! Your grandfather is still alive? He’d have to be at least 120!”
“Yep, ‘Bout that. And he’s never been to the doctor either. But I think he’s gonna have to go soon. He’s getting married next week.”
“What?" she says. "Oh now surely you’re joking. Getting married? Imagine being 120 years old and wanting to get married!”
The old man looks at her and says, “I don’t remember saying he WANTED to get married."