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Black man says to siri:
"Take me home"
Siri replies:
"Taking you the quickest route to jail."

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Q: What do you call that useless piece of skin around a vаginа?
A: A woman.

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A couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car breakdown in the parking lot.
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.
On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis.
Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward and tucked everything back into place.
On regaining her feet she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head.

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Two condoms are walking down the street when they walk by a gаy bar.
One соndом says to the other, "Hey man, you wanna get shiт-faced?"

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Everyone says the world would be better off if it was run by women.
Sure, maybe there wouldn't be violence and territorial conquests fueled by male testosterone.
But instead, we'd have a bunch of jealous countries that aren't talking to each other.

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An elderly retired couple went to a doctor.
The man said, "We want to know if we are making love properly.
Will you look at us?"
"Go ahead," said the doctor. They made love.
"You are making love perfectly," the doctor said.
"That will be $10."
They came back six weeks in a row and did the same thing.
On the seventh visit the doctor said, "What are you coming here like this for - I told you that you are making love properly!"
"She can't come to my house," said the man, "and I can't go to her house.
A motel costs $20.
You charge us $10 and we get $8 back from Medicare."

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What's the difference between a gаy man and a refrigerator?
When you take sausage out of the fridge it doesn't fаrт.

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Why do polo bears like bald men?
Because they have a great, white, bear place.

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A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet.
"Does your dog bite?"
"No."
A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.
"I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly.
"That's not my dog."

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A man, a woman, and a great survivor are trapped on an island.
The survivor finds a bunch of coconuts.
The man thinks to himself, "What if there are other people on the island? Then we won't be stranded!"
He throws coconuts at nearby ships, and the island was populated.
Everybody looks at him cross.
Then they kick him off the island.

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A man hires a taxi to take him to court for his bankruptcy trial.
When they arrive he says to the driver, ‘Well, I suppose you might as well come in too.’

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Knock knockrn
Who's there?
Woman who?
Wo-man you where so nice to let me tell you this joke
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Man.
Man who?
Man you where so nice to let me tell you this joke.

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What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

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Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall.
They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.

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Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.

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There are 5 birds in a tree.
A hunter shoots 2 of them dead.
How many birds are left?
2 birds.
The other 3 fly away!

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What's the difference between an apple and a black man?
None!
They both hang from trees.

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Did you hear about the man with five keen senses?
He still lacked common and horse!

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