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Вицове за Финанси, Вицове за П... English Witze über Geld Chistes de dinero Шутки про Деньги Blagues sur l'argent Barzellette sui soldi Ανέκδοτα για Χρήματα Вицови за Пари Para fıkraları Анекдоти Про Гроші, Жарти про ... Piadas sobre Dinheiro Żarty o Pieniądzach Skämt om pengar Grappen over geld Vittigheder om penge Vitser om penger Vitsit rahasta Pénzviccek Glume despre Bani Vtipy o Penězích Anekdotai apie Pinigus Joki par Naudu Vicevi o Novcu
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Money jokes

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How do you tell when time is reversing?
When a Jew drops a coin on the ground
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Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.
The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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“How can I ever thank you?” gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles.
“My dear woman,” Darrow replied, “ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question.”
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Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage.
They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
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Yo' Mama is so poor, she rolls her own tampons.
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Homeless people here are different.
You ever notice that? Our homeless people are serious, man. They have signs that not only say, 'Will work for food,' some of them have what they want: 'Baked potato, salad, shrimp, sweet potato pie, sour chives.'
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An American goes to the train station so he can start his big trip.
He notices there a machine with the indication: "Put A Dollar in the Slot and the Machine will Tell you who you are!"
Curious, he puts the dollar inside the slot and he waits.
The machine suddenly sounds;
"You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago."
The man blacked out with the machine's ability.
So, he decided to trick the machine.
He wore a fake mustache and putted another dollar inside the slot.
"You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago," says the machine.
"But it's impossible!" screamed the man, acquiring a maniac need to trick the machine.
He ran to the toilet and disguised as an Arab.
Then, he did the same routine.
"You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago."
Furious then, he disguises as a woman and puts the dollar as usual in the slot.
-You're John Bull, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall, 90 kilos and with your вullshiтs you.. lost the train!
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Womens are like computer virus...
they ENTER your life...
SEARCH your pocket...
SHIFT your balance ...
CONTROL your life...
when you become an old version DELETE you from the system
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How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh?
Net Present Value.
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A kindergarten teacher spent a few minutes each morning teaching a new word to her class.
She would tell the class the word and its meaning, then ask them to come up with a few sentences that included the word for the day.
One day, the teacher said that the word for the day was "frugal."
She explained that frugal had to do with saving, and a frugal person is one who saves.
She then asked the class to come up with a sentence for the word.
The class seemed kind of stumped, and sat there in silence for a few seconds until one little girl raised her hand.
Instead of just a sentence, she came up with a little story:
"There once was a princess who was stuck in a tall tower.
There was a spell on all of the doors, so she couldn’t get out.
One day, she heard a young prince who was walking by and singing.
The princess called out of the tower, 'Frugal me! Frugal me!'
So, the prince frugaled her and they lived happily ever after."
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Money isn’t everything, but at least it encourages relatives to stay in touch.
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Saul is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above:
"Saul, sell your business."
He ignores it. It goes on for days.
"Saul, sell your business for $3 million."
After weeks of this, he relents, sells his store.
The voice says ‘Saul, go to Las Vegas."
He asks why.
"Saul, take the $3 million to Las Vegas."
He obeys, goes to a casino. Voice says, "Saul , go to the blackjack table and put it down all on one hand."
He hesitates but knows he must.
He’s dealt an 18.
The dealer has a six showing.
"Saul, take a card."
What?
The dealer has -- "Take a card!" He tells the dealer to hit him.
Saul gets an ace.
Nineteen.
He breathes easy.
"Saul, take another card."
What? "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!" He asks for another card.
It’s another ace.
He has twenty.
"Saul, take another card," the voice commands.
I have twenty!
Saul shouts.
"TAKE ANOTHER CARD!!" booms the voice.
Hit me,Saul says.
He gets another ace.
Twenty one.
The booming voice goes: "un-fuскing-believable!"
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Male & Female Brains Η μεταμόσχευση εγκεφάλου Ein Mensch möchte sich ein neues Gehirn einsetzen lassen. Un patient gravement malade est à l'hôpital. La famille est réunie dans la salle d'attente. Un médecin entre et dit : - Désolé Det var en gång en svensk Då det var dags att byta hjärnor sade svensken: - Jag vill ha en norsk hjärna. Punkt slut. - Varför detta? - För den är oanvänd. Depois de passar por vários exames Det var en gång en svensk som skulle byta hjärna. Då sa doktorn: - Vad vill du ha för hjärna? - Gärna en norsk hjärna. - Varför i all sin dar vill du ha en norsk hjärna? - För den är oanvänd.
A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices.
The doctor said, "Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000. Here we have a policeman's brain as well. It costs $50,000."
The client asked, "What? How's that possible?"
The doctor replied, "You see, it's totally unused."
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A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care."
"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month."
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A woman comes up to me and says, "Hey sеxy you lost 185 lbs and now you have money."
"You wanna be my sugar daddy?"
"Nope I'm diabetic!"
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How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four.
One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination.
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About 4,000 years ago:
God:
"I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!"
Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note*
God:
"Correction, I shall create a great flood!"
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During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer:
Change the last line of the Lord’s prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities.
The Pope declined.
2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again.
This time with a 50 million dollar offer.
Again the Pope declined.
A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts.
At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format.
The good news is… that we have 100 million dollars for charities.
The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!
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