Money jokes - Page 57

My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice

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Money jokes

Dentists make money off of people with bad teeth. Why should I trust the toothpaste they recommend?

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Money jokes One-Liner Jokes

I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. – I now have $999,999.75.

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Money jokes

Vote kickass if you would pay money to see Chuck Norris kick Justin Bieber's ass

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Money jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

‘If you owe the bank $100, that’s your problem.
If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.’
John Paul Getty A woman rings her insurance company.
‘Our house burnt down and I want £100,000,’ she says.

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Jokes about Women Money jokes

If Asda is lowering prices every day, why isn’t anything in the shop free yet?

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Money jokes

Money should be utilized as a тооl.
You just gotta know which nuts to sсrеw.

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Money jokes

She was so rich she even had monograms on the bags under her eyes.

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Money jokes

At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars.
One of the chamber members stood up and said,
"I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army."

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Money jokes

‘Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of “rich” usually cancels out the nice of “bald”.’
Rita Rudner

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Money jokes Men jokes

Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket?
Because two halves make a whole (hole), and you could lose your money.

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Money jokes

An old man goes into Victoria's Secret and tells the sales-person behind the counter he needs a present for his wife. "See," explains the man, "It is my fiftieth wedding anniversary and I would like to get something pretty to surprise the little lady, if you know what I mean." When he gets home, his wife asks with a scowl on her face, "Where have you been?"
"Surprise," says the old man and hands her a sеxy tiny teddy. The wife rips it from his hand and takes it to the bathroom to try it on. She struggles to make it fit, but it is two sizes too small. She take a long time in the bathroom and hopes her husband will lose interest and fall asleep because it is getting late into the evening. Finally she emerges from the bathroom with all the lights out. She is completely nudе and pretends to model it in front of him. Her husband, still sitting up, squinting to try and see finally says,
"For as much money I spent on it, they could of at least ironed out the wrinkles."

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Money jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes

Their was four women right? and they all had a counsling session together. it was a class for addictions. so the coulsler guy turns to the group. " ok all of your addictions reflect in the name of your child." he looks at the first lady... your addicted to money theirfor your doughters name is penny. he turns to the second one. your addicted to food, and so your doughers name is kandi, he turns to the third one, and your adicted to метh, and ur doughters name is cristal, then he turns to the fourth women, and before he could say a word the lady stands up and says stop. then she grabs her sons hand and begins to leave... "c'mon diск were leaving".

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Food Jokes Dirty jokes

A wife and husband are having money issues. One day they decide to have the wife work the corner. Later that night the husband goes to pick the wife up. He asks, "How much did you make, sweetie?" She answers, "I made $200.50." The husband says,
"What аsshоlе gave you 50 cents?" She replies,
"All of them."

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Sex Jokes

There is more money being spent on вrеаsт implants and Viаgrа today, than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky воовs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

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Money jokes Sex Jokes

One day a woman was working at a sреrм bank when an armed and masked robber bursts in demanding money. The woman has no money and says"sir you do realize this is a sреrм bank right?" the man replies "fine then take me to where you keep the sреrм or I will shoot you" the girl directs him to the vault and the man says" I want you to drink one." reluctantly the women drinks the sреrм and the man says "drink another one" so she does after she's done the man pulls off his mask and says"see honey it's not that hard"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

Charlie was invited to his friend and wife's house. They were eating dinner when Charlie dropped his napkin. He reached down to pick it up and he saw that the wife had her legs wide open with no раnтiеs on. Quite flustered Charlie excused himself from the table and went to the kitchen. To his utter surprise the wife came in and said "did you like what you saw?" Charlie smiled and said "yes" he looked towards where the husband was sat."well come tomorrow lunch and bring $500 and you can explore the rest" the wife said. Charlie knew that he couldn't afford to spend the night with her. "okay. but what about your husband?" the wife gave out a little sigh and said "oh don't worry about him. he'll be at work" the next day Charlie turned up to the wife's house with the money and banged her. Charlie left and the husband came back home. he asked "did Charlie come over today?" thinking she had been caught she said "yes" the husband carried on "did he give you the whole $500?" she replied "yes" the husband let out a huff. "phewww, he came by my work today and asked me for the money. he didn't tell me why but I gave it to him and he said he would drop it off with you around lunch"

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes

A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says,
"Give me all the money or you're geography!" The puzzled teller replies,
"Did you mean to say 'or you're history?'" The robber says,
"Don't change the subject!"

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School Jokes Money jokes

A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a policeman who said,
"Now, now young lad, I think you had better take that monkey the zoo." The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed the same policeman. The policeman said,
"Hey there, I thought I told you to take that money to the zoo!" The boy answered, "I did! Today I'm taking him to the cinema."

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Money jokes Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight . When Grandpa found a bottle of Viаgrа in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said,
"I don't think you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very expensive." "How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10.00 a pill," answered the son. "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow. " Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said,
"I told you each pill was $10, not $110. "I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"

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