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What do you call a Ford Fiesta out of gas? A Ford Siesta!

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A priest was driving down the road one day when getting stopped by a cop.
The cop smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He said to the priest, "Father, have you been drinking?"
The priest replied, "Only water, officer."
The cop then asked him, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest looked at the bottle and said, "Good Lord! He's done it again."

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Priest Jokes Car and driving jokes God Jokes Police Officer Jokes Wine jokes Priest Jokes

Son: "What are you going to be for Halloween dad?"
Me: "Drunк"
Son: "What's mom gonna be?"
Me: "Mad"

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Halloween Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Dad Jokes

You might be a redneck if...
One of the options on your truck is a spitoon.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this."
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'

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Two Scientists were working late discussing ideas about behavior modification studies.
"We've started something new at my lab," said the first scientist. "For some of our more dangerous experiments, we're now using lawyers".
"Lawyers?" asks the second scientist. "Why aren't you using rats?"
"Well you know how it is," the first scientist replies. "You can get attached to rats."

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Judge and Court Jokes Lawyer Jokes

When our air conditioner broke down, we called for a serviceman to come and take a look at it.
It turned out to be a high school classmate of my husband's named Love.
He said next time we needed any repairs to ask for him.
The next year when we needed service again, we requested Mr. Love.
I took the day off from work and waited for him to arrive.
After he had worked on our air conditioner, he left his work order behind.
It had my name and said: "Wants Love in afternoon."

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The wife's just said to me "Can you explain why I've just found another womans knickers in your coat pocket?"
I said "Yes, I can explain. It's because you're a nosy ****!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Jokes about Women

Did you hear about the two females who were watching a blonde walk by?
The first one said, "I wonder whether she's a natural blonde or a bleached blonde."
Her friend said, "She's a suicide blonde."
The other said, "Suicide blonde? What's that?"
The friend said, "Dyed by her own hand!"

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"Hey Bill... Do you talk to your wife while you are having sеx?"
"Only if there's a phone handy", Bill replied.

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I have asked my mamma: "Mamma, why do we have 10 соск birds but only 1 hen?"
Mama has said to me: "Because I want that she has a better life than I had."

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Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

I was looking at the pies offered by a nearby café. They had cherry, apple, berry, peach, and Herman's.
"What type of pie is Herman's?" I asked the waiter.
"Apple," he said.
"Then why is it called Herman's pie?"
"Because Herman called in to reserve it."

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Chuck Norris was born feet first. It was the only time a doctor died during childbirth.

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I'm so broke, I don't even get excited when I find money because I'm sure I owe it to someone.

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A girl married with a man who had only one foot.
Next day her mother rang her and asked: "My little, tell me how did U feel the marriage?"
Her daughter replied: "Woo real splendid; alas he has only one foot!"
Her mom answered: "You must be too lucky, when I married your dad; he had only one inch!"

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God created the man.
He noticed that the man is hungry he created bread .
He understood the man is thirsty so he originated water.
He considered the man feels cold so he created fire .
At the end God recognized the man is very comfortable then he created WOMAN!!

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Big girls don't cry...
They eat.

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Jokes about Women

Two rednecks from Arkansas were out hunting.
They decided to separate to get a better chance of catching something.
The first redneck says to the other, "If you get lost, fire three shots into the air every hour. That way I can pinpoint you and find you."
After about three hours, the second redneck finds he is really lost.
He decides to fire three shots into the air as the first man told him.
He then waits an hour and does it again.
He repeats this until he is out of ammo.
The next morning, the first redneck finds the second with the help of forest rangers.
He asks the second redneck man if he did what he told him to do.
The redneck answers, "Yes, I fired three shots into the air every hour on the hour until I ran out of arrows."

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Redneck jokes Hunting Jokes Stupid Jokes

Pal: "My advice for your date is, make her think you're well traveled, girls love it!"
Me: "Guess how many buses it took me to get here."

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Jokes about Women Dating Jokes Love Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Q: How do Asian parents name their kids?
A: They drop a tin can down the stairs and it makes the noise Bing ling wata ling ling.

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I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me:
"Are you alone?"
So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone."
"So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl.
I fainted...

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