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THIS PRETTY MUCH DEFINES All OF MY FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK
1) The “Rooster” - Feels that it is his/her job to tell Facebook “Good Morning” every day.
2) The “Lurker” - never likes or comments on my post, but reads everything, and might make reference to my status if they…see me in public.
3) The “Hyena” - Doesn’t ever really say anything,just LOLs and LMAOs at everything.
4) “Mr/Ms Popular” - Has 4,367 friends for NO reason.
5) The “Gamer” - Plays FarmVille, Mafia Wars, Bakes virtual cakes and stuff, etc., ALL DAY. (My wife)
6) The “Cynic” - Hates their life, and everything in it, as evidenced by the somber tone in ALL of their status updates.
7) The “Collector” - Never posts anything either, but joins every group and becomes a fаn of the most random stuff.
8) The “Promoter” - Always sends event invitations to things that I ultimately delete or ignore.
9) The “Liker” - Never actually says anything, but always clicks the “like” button.
10) “Drama Queen/ King” - This person always posts stuff like “I can’t believe this!”, or “They gonna make me snap today!”, in the hope that I will ask what happened, or what’s wrong…but then they never finish telling the story.
11) The “News” - Always updates me on what they are doing and who they are doing it with, no matter how arbitrary, and Lastly….
12) The “Thief” - Steals my status updates… and will probably steal this one.. ….Which one are you??
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FEMALE GEOGRAPHY
- Between 18 and 25, a woman is like Africa : wild, naturally beautiful and full of mysterious, fertile deltas.
- Between 26 and 34, a woman is like America : well-developed and open for trade, especially for those with stacks of money.
- Between 35 and 44, a woman is like India : sensual, relaxed, in full bloom, aware of her beauty.
- Between 45 and 54, a woman is like France : deliciously mature, still a pleasant destination to visit.
- Between 55 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia : a lost war, haunted by the mistakes of the past. Major reconstruction work is mostly the only answer.
- Between 61 and 65, a woman is like Russia : vast, with undefined frontier. The cold climate puts off any potential visitors.
- Between 66 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia : a glorious past, great conquests, but without a future.
- After 70, a woman is like Afghanistan or the north pole: many know its whereabouts, but no-one dares to venture there…
MALE GEOGRAPHY
- Between 15 and 90, a man is like Zimbabwe or America : ruled by a diск…
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Раddy goes to the patent office, having invented a new mouse trap. It consists of a ramp with a razor blade at the top, set at right angles. Below the drop is a piece of cheese.
Patent officer: “How does it work then?”
Paddy: “Quite straightforward. The mouse walks up the ramp. When he leans over to get the cheese his neck goes onto the razor blade and it slits his throat”.
Patent officer: “Sтuрid giт! There wouldn’t be nearly enough pressure to slit its throat. Get out of my office and don’t come back until you’ve perfected it.
After months of head scratching Раddy makes a single but vital modification: he removes the cheese. He proudly returns to the patent office and puts the trap on the desk.
Patent officer:OK, smart аrsе, enlighten me.
Paddy:Simple. Mouse walks up the ramp, leans over onto the razor blade and slits his throat…
Patent officer:Fuск off, that’s exactly the same as before.
Paddy: No, no. This time he moves his head from side to side saying where’s the fuскing cheese ?
Job done.
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It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season.
He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, “What are you up to?” Alice smiles, “I’m going hunting with you!” Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along.
They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: “If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I’ll come running back as soon as I hear the shot.” Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn’t bag an elephant - much less a deer.
But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, “Get away from my deer!”
Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, “Get away from my deer!” followed by another volley of gunfire.
Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, “Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!”
Мъж тръгва на лов. Стяга се Пешо за лов, събота сутрин. darum jagen die Männer Жена долго выпрашивала у мужа взять ее на охоту, он все отказывался и отказывался, пока она его не допекла окончательно. Egy vadász először viszi el a feleségét vadászni. Elmagyarázza mit hogyan kell, hogy töltse meg a fegyvert, hogy célozzon, ha lelő valamit, siessen oda, nehogy valamelyik másik vadász magának...
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