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Latest Jokes

James and Neil were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United.
They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (A16) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together.
One half-time Neil went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for A16.
The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty.
Then on Boxing day, much to James and Neil's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season.
Neil could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'.
'Don't ask' he said, 'the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.'

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Christmas Jokes Office and Work Jokes Sports Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes Soccer Jokes

In high school, you can't go out to lunch because it's not allowed whereas in college, you can't go out to lunch because you can't afford it.

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School Jokes College jokes

I'm not saying I'm racist at all, but....
I put chocolate milk in back of the fridge.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Food Jokes Chocolate Jokes

I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.

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School Jokes Insult Jokes

If time is money, does that mean an ATM is a time machine? I mean, maybe it stands for A Time Machine.

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Money jokes

If Santa comes down the chimney this year and tries to stuff you in his sack, don't worry, because I wished for you for Christmas.

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Christmas Jokes Flirt jokes Love Jokes

If pretty women from the south are southern bells, would that make pretty women from Mexico taco bells?

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Jokes about Women Mexican jokes Beauty Jokes

I would actually use Siri if the voice sounded like Morgan Freeman.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Computer Jokes Phone jokes

I was walking down the street and I punched of a white guy and then I was arrested for аssаulт. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Political Jokes

I was at the mall wearing a skirt and a guy says to me, "Dam nice legs."
I responded with, "You want me to slap you with my 3rd one?"

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Dirty jokes

I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"

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Boycott Jokes Banker Jokes

I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.

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Animal Jokes Kids Jokes

I put the fun in funeral.

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One-Liner Jokes

I named my hard drive "dat аss" so once a month my computer asks if I want to 'back dat аss up'.

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One-Liner Jokes Technology Jokes

I got a cat the other day. I had to swerve, but I got it.

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Animal Jokes

I forgot to post on Facebook I was going to the gym.
Now this whole workout was a waste of time.

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Fitness jokes Office and Work Jokes Facebook Jokes History Jokes

I can't stand being in a wheelchair.

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One-Liner Jokes

How many cops does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
Just one, but he is never around when you need him.

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Police Officer Jokes Light bulb jokes

How do you tell when time is reversing?
When a Jew drops a coin on the ground

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Money jokes Jewish Jokes

How do you stop a black person from drowning?
Take your foot off the back of his head.

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Dark Humor Jokes Black People Jokes