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Math Jokes

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Q: How do mathematicians induce good behavior in their children?
A: "If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times..."
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A statistician's wife had twins. He was delighted.
He rang the minister who was also delighted.
"Bring them to church on Sunday and we'll baptize them," said the minister.
"No," replied the statistician.
"Baptize one. We'll keep the other as a control."
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Science jokes Math Jokes
Една бизнес дама към друга: - Живота ми е математика, пробвам да добавя към парите си, да извадя от теглото си, деля си времето и внимавам да не се умножа
One attractive young businesswoman to another over lunch:
"My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."
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Jokes about Women Business jokes Math Jokes
Fahren drei im Zug durch Schottland und sehen ein schwarzes Schaf. Einer vonden dreien ist Ingenieur, er meint: Математик, физик и социолог пътуват с влак през Шотландия и виждат една черна овца. Soziologe, Physiker und ein Mathematiker fahren mit dem Zug. Der Soziologe sieht auf einer Wiese 2 schwarze Schafe stehen und folgert: "In dieser Gegend sind alle Schafe schwarz" Der Physiker folgert: "Das ist nicht korrekt. Alles was wir wissen ist, dass mindestens 2 Schafe schwarz sind!" Der... Ein Mathematiker, ein Physiker und ein Biologe sitzen im Zug und fahren durch Schottland. Während der Fahrt sehen sie auf einer Wiese ein schwarzes Schaf, worauf der Biologe meint: "Ah, ich sehe,... Ein Astronom, ein Physiker und ein Mathematiker sitzen in einem Zug, der nach Schottland fährt. Sie sehen ein Schaf auf einer Wiese. Der Astronom sagte: „Alle Schafe in Schottland sind Schwarz“ Der... Bir mühendis, bir fizikçi ve bir matematikçi İskoçya'da trenin penceresinden bakarken siyah bir koyun görürler, mühendis hemen atılır. - İskoçya'daki tüm koyunlar siyah. Der. Fizikçi söze karışır.... Tre Professori stanno facendo un viaggio in treno in Scozia, quando uno di loro, dal finestrino, nota il fianco di una mucca e dice: "Ah! Qui in Scozia le mucche sono marroni" . Il Professore di... En astronom en fysiker och en matematiker åker tåg genom skottland. De sitter alla tre och tittar ut genom fönstret. De åker förbi en stor äng där det går ett får. Då säger astronomen. - Alla får i...
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland.
The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black."
"No, no, no!" says the physicist.
"Only some Scottish sheep are black."
The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which appears black from here."
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Scottish Jokes Animal Jokes Math Jokes
There was a statistician that drowned crossing a river... It was 3 feet deep on average.
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Science jokes Math Jokes
What do you get when you put root вееr in a square glass?
Beer.
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Geek jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Math Jokes Beer Jokes
The teacher said to the children: "In a paddock, there were twelve sheep. Six of them got out by jumping over the fence. How many sheep left behind?"
"None", little Jim say.
"None?" says the teacher surprised. "Jim, you’re clueless in math."
"And you, misses, are clueless in sheep! As soon as the first sheep jumps out, the other will follow as well!"
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School Jokes Math Jokes
Tre logiker går in på en bar. Bartendern frågar, ”Ska alla ni ha en öl?” Den första logikern svarar, ”Jag vet inte.” Den andra logikern svarar också ”Jag vet inte.” Den tredje logikern svarar ”Ja.”
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad.
His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ?
The logician replies: "yes".
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Programmer Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dad Jokes Math Jokes Baby Jokes
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Pupil: That's not fair! You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!
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Kids Jokes School Jokes Math Jokes
Three statisticians are out hunting.
Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.
The first statistician shoots and hits the tree 5 feet to the left.
The second statistician shoots and hits the tree 5 feet to the right.
The third statistician starts jumping up and down, yelling "We got him! We got him!"
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Hunting Jokes Science jokes Geek jokes Math Jokes Nerd jokes
Математиката и жените са най-сложните неща за мъжете, но в математиката все пак има логика ....
Maths and Girls are the most complicated things, but Maths at least has some logic.
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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Math Jokes
Two statisticians go bird hunting.
The first one fires at the bird but overshoots by 5 feet.
The second one fires and undershoots the bird by 5 feet.
They both give each other a high-five and say "Got it!"
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Science jokes Math Jokes
Q: How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Hmmm... I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you.
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Accountant Jokes Office and Work Jokes Math Jokes Light bulb jokes
- Кире, колко е 5 плюс 5? - пита учителката. - Сколько будет 5+5? - Трпе колку се 5+5? Lærerinden spørger lille Peter: Hvad er 2+2? Peter som tæller på fingrene, svarer: 2+2 er... øh... 4! Hvad er 3+3? Peter tæller igen på fingrene: 3+3 er... øh... 6! Lærerinden siger, at Peter... Mokytoja: - Petriuk, kiek bus penki plius penki? - Vienuolika. - Petriuk, ištrauk rankas iš kišenių, kai skaičiuoji!
Teacher: "Who knows 5+5=?"
Little Johnny: "11"
Teacher: "Take out your hand from trousers pocket and count with your fingers."
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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Math Jokes Stupid Jokes
A chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist comes up with many ingenious ways to open the can.
Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
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Половина
Teacher asks student: What is the half of 8?
Student: Miss horizontally or vertically?
Teacher: What do mean?
Student: Horizontally it is 0 and vertically it is 3.
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Student jokes School Jokes Math Jokes
Math tells us three of the saddnest love stories:
1) Tangent lines who had one chance to meet and then parted forever.
2) Parallel lines who were never meant to meet.
3) Asymptotes who can get closer and closer but will never be together.
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Science jokes Math Jokes
Безброй математици влизат в един бар. Безкраен брой математици влизат в един бар. Математици Infinity mathematicians came to bar. First one ordered 1 glass of beer, second a half, third a quarter... The barman interrupted them: "Assholes, here are 2 beers!" Eine unendliche Anzahl Mathematiker geht in eine Bar. Der erste bestellt ein Bier, der zweite ein halbes Bier, der nächste 1/4, und so geht das eine ganze Weile weiter… Der Barkeeper zapft 2 Bier,...
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first orders a вееr, the second orders half a вееr, the third orders a quarter of a вееr, and so on.
After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
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Science jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Math Jokes Beer Jokes
Teacher: "Are you good at math?"
Pupil: "Yes and no."
Teacher: "What do you mean?"
Pupil: "Yes, I'm no good at math!"
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School Jokes Math Jokes
Student: What’s infinity?
Math Teacher: Think of a number.
Student: Okay, I’ve got one.
Teacher: Good. That’s not it.
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Science jokes Math Jokes School Jokes
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