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Вицове за Нова година New year jokes Silvesterwitze Chistes de año nuevo Анекдоты про Новый Год Blagues du Nouvel An Barzellette di Capodanno Ανέκδοτα για την Πρωτοχρονιά Вицеви за Нова Година Yılbaşı Fıkraları Анекдоти про Новий рік Piadas de Ano Novo Dowcipy o Sylwestrze Nyårsskämt Nieuwjaarsmoppen Nytårsvittigheder Nyttårsvitser Uudenvuoden vitsit Szilveszteri poénok Glume de Revelion Vtipy o Silvestru Naujųjų metų anekdotai Jaunā Gada joki Vicevi za Novu Godinu
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New year jokes

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Новогодишното ми обещание вече върви чудесно. Ден 1 във фитнеса — току-що се изсрах, време е за тренировката. Мојата новогодишна одлука веќе оди одлично. Ден 1 во теретана — штотуку се изсрав, време е за тренинг. Mi propósito de Año Nuevo ya va de maravilla. Día 1 en el gimnasio — acabo de саgаr, hоrа de entrenar. Моё новогоднее обещание уже идёт отлично. День 1 в спортзале — только что сходил по-большому, пора тренироваться. Mein Neujahrsvorsatz läuft schon richtig gut. Tag 1 im Fitnessstudio — gerade geschissen, Zeit fürs Training. Ma résolution du Nouvel An se passe déjà très bien. Jour 1 à la salle — je viens de chier, place à l’entraînement. Η πρωτοχρονιάτικη απόφασή μου πάει ήδη τέλεια. Ημέρα 1 στο γυμναστήριο — μόλις χέστηκα, ώρα για προπόνηση. Il mio proposito di Capodanno sta già andando alla grande. Giorno 1 in palestra — hо appena cagato, è ora di allenarsi. Yeni yıl kararım şimdiden çok iyi gidiyor. Spor salonunda 1. gün — az önce sıçtım, antrenman zamanı. Моє новорічне рішення вже йде чудово. День 1 у спортзалі — щойно посрався, час тренуватися. A minha resolução de Ano Novo já está a correr muito bem. Dia 1 no ginásio — acabei de саgаr, hоrа de treinar. Moje noworoczne postanowienie idzie już świetnie. Dzień 1 na siłowni — właśnie się wysrałem, czas na trening. Mitt nyårslöfte går redan jättebra. Dag 1 på gymmet — nyss sket jag, dags att träna. Mijn goede voornemen voor het nieuwe jaar gaat al top. Dag 1 in de sportschool — net gescheten, tijd om te trainen. Mit nytårsforsæt går allerede rigtig godt. Dag 1 i fitnesscenteret — har lige skidt, tid til træning. Nyttårsforsettet mitt går allerede veldig вrа. Dag 1 på treningssenteret — har akkurat driti, på tide å trene. Uudenvuodenlupaukseni sujuu jo loistavasti. Päivä 1 salilla — kävin juuri paskalla, aika treenata. Az újévi fogadalmam máris remekül halad. 1. nap az edzőteremben — most szartam, ideje edzeni. Rezoluția mea de Anul Nou merge deja foarte bine. Ziua 1 la sală — tocmai m-am căcat, e timpul pentru antrenament. Moje novoroční předsevzetí už jde skvěle. Den 1 ve fitku — právě jsem se vysral, je čas cvičit. Mano naujametinis pažadas jau puikiai sekasi. 1 diena sporto salėje — ką tik nusikakojau, metas treniruotis. Mana Jaungada apņemšanās jau iet lieliski. 1. diena sporta zālē — tikko nokārtojos, laiks trenēties. Moja novogodišnja odluka već ide odlično. Dan 1 u teretani — upravo sam se israo, vrijeme je za trening.
My New Year’s resolution is already going great. Day 1 at the gym — just took a shiт, time to work out.
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Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve.
Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten.
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Q: What does it mean if you were born in September?
A: That your parents started the new year with a ваng!
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A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky.
"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it.
But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it.
This is my position, and I will not compromise."
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Q: What do New Year's Parades have in common with Santa Claus?
A: No one is awake to see either of them.
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A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
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If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a ваng.
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My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.
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Un borracho entra en un bar y dice: - ¡¡¡Feliz año nuevooo!!! El camarero le contesta: - ¿Cómo que feliz año? ¡Si estamos en julio! Y responde el borracho: - ¡Julio! Carajo, mi mujer me va a matar? ¡Nunca me había retrasado tanto!! Un borracho entra a la cafetería, y con la voz todavía temblorosa dice: - Feliz año nuevo! Pero una mujer le responde: -Señor, pero si estamos en abril. Y el borracho contesta: -¿Abril? ¡Maldición, mi mujer me va a matar, nunca he llegado tan tarde! - ¡Feliz Navidad, grita un borracho! - ¡Pero si estamos en enero!, le dice un amigo. - ¡Ay, la leche, mi mujer me va a matar!
A drunк man comes inside a bar and says, "Happy New Year everybody." and the waiter says, "We are in June you drunк man.".
And the drunк man says, "Oh my god my wife is going to кill me I have never been so late in my life!"
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On New Year's Eve, a woman stood up at a local pub and said it was time to get ready for the midnight countdown. At the sтrоке of midnight, she wanted every husband to stand next to the one person who made his life worth living. As the clock struck midnight, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
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Q: What's the forecast for New Year's Eve?
A: Mostly drunк with a slight chance of passing out.
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My New Years resolution is 1080p.
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My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either ruм, vоdка, or whiskey.
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Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.
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You don't have to wait until midnight to see my ваlls drop.
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New Year's Resolutions for Internet Junkies...
I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.
I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband).
I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.
I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.
I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily...well, once a week... okay, monthly then...or maybe...
I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard
to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.
When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I will not reply "MS Tech Support."
When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
I will think of a password other than "password."
I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical.
I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er...
I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
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My New Years resolution is simple…. Remember to write 2015 instead of 2014.
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Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
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My New Year’s resolutions are:
1. Stop making lists.
B. Be more consistent.
7. Learn to count.
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Läste någonstans att en person har sex i genomsnitt 89 gånger per år. Verkar som om jag har en oförglömlig kväll framför mig! Според статистиката, човек на моята възраст прави секс 92 пъти годишно. По статистике, человек в среднем занимается сексом 80 раз в год.
The average person has sеx 89 times a year.
This is gonna be one hеll of a week.
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