Sick and Death Jokes

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Le vieil homme vient de mourir. Le curé ne tarit pas d'éloges : quel bon mari c'était, et quel bon chrétien, et comment il aimait ses enfants, etc. Finalement, la veuve a un doute. Elle se penche...
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Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary.
One day the secretary announced she was pregnant.
They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter.
The day of delivery arrived.
Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room.
Finally one of them said, “I can’t take this, I’m going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!”
The partner agreed to do that.
About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face.
“What happened?” asked the waiting car occupant.
The other partner announced, “They were twins and mine died!”
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Ајкула Sharks and Lawyers ¿Por qué los vampiros nunca atacan a los abogados? Por cortesía profesional. Защо вампирите не атакуват адвокати? Колегиална учтивост ¿Haz escuchado acerca del abogado cuyo bote se volcó en aguas infestadas de tiburones? El sorprendió a sus compañeros de viaje ofreciéndose de voluntario para nadar a la lejana orilla para pedir... Hvorfor angriber hajer ikke advokater? - Kollegial høflighed.... Miksi hait eivät hyökkää asianajajien kimppuun? - Kohteliaisuutta kolleegoja kohtaan K: Miksi käärmeet eivät pure asianajajia? V: Ammatillinen kohteliaisuus.
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Was wäre, wenn sich die Erde dreißig Mal schneller drehen würde? Was würde passieren, wenn die Erde sich 30 mal schneller drehen täte? Ich hätte jeden Tag Zahltag, und die Frauen wären schon lange verblutet. - Mi történne ha a Föld 30-szor gyorsabban forogna? - ??? - A nők elvéreznének mi meg minden nap kapnánk fizetést. Wat zou er gebeuren, moest de wereld 30 keer rapper draaien? - De mannen zouden elke dag pree krijgen en de vrouwen zouden doodbloeien.
Jokes about Women Sick and Death Jokes
A doctor tells a rich old man that he's going to die if he doesn't get a new heart soon. Starszy człowiek potrzebuje przeszczepu serca i omawia różne opcje z lekarzem. Lekarz mówi: - Mamy trzech potencjalnych dawców. Pierwszy to młody, zdrowy kulturysta, który zginął w wypadku... En gammel rig mand med dårligt hjerte, beder en læge om at gennemsøge hele verden, for at finde det bedste donorhjerte. Penge er ikke noget problem. Et par dage senere ringer lægen til manden, og... An elderly patient needs a heart transplant and discusses his options with his doctor.
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A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road. This pasttime was immensely enjoyable to the truck driver.

One day, as the truck driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking, so he thought he would do a good turn by offering the priest a lift. He pulled the truck over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"

"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest.

"No problem, Father, I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck."

With that, the happy priest climbed into the passenger seat, and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly, the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road, and instinctively he swerved to hit him.

But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the lawyer. However, even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD".

Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors, and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry, Father. I almost hit that lawyer."

"That's okay," replied the priest. "I got him with the door."
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Кобра Питат Чък Норис-Вярно ли е, че ви е ухапала кралска кобра? Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died. Chuck Norris wurde von einer Königs Kobra gebissen. Nach 5 qualvollen Tagen starb die Kobra. Chuck Norris wurde einmal von einer Kobra gebissen. Nach 5 quälenden Tagen voller Schmerzen ist die Kobra gestorben. Un jour Chuck Norris s'est fait mordre par un cobra. Après plusieurs jours d'atroces souffrances, le serpent est mort. Un jour un cobra à osé mordre Chuck Norris. Après 12 jours de douleur atroce, le cobra est mort. O data,o cobra la muscat pe Chuck Norris si dupa 3 zile de chinuri cobra a murit. Chucka Norrise jednou kousla kobra. Po osmi hodinách krutých bolestí zemřela. Chucka Norrise jednou kousla anakonda. Pět dní na to zemřela na otravu krve.
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Чапаев бил много болен и стоял на системи. La señora y el mensaje del marido der Pfarrer wars O sujeito está no hospital à beira da morte, cheio de tubos para mantê-lo em vida o máximo possível. Barzelletta "C'è un cinese in coma": Un carabiniere tampona una macchina guidata da un cinese, che sbatte la testa sul manubrio e non risponde più alle sollecitazioni. El viejo está muy enfermo. Le han colocado una bomba de oxígeno, y su hijo se halla sentado a a su lado. Lentamente, e padre agonizante habla a su hijo de toda la riqueza que le va a dejar. Le... I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Nǐ cǎizhe wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn” Suddenly right in front of...
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On a Trans-Atlantic Flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.
The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.
One woman, in particular, loses it!
Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.
"I'm too young to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sеx in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I've had it! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?"
For a moment there is silence.
Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane.
"I can make you feel like a woman," he says.
He's drop-dead gorgeous.
Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches.
He removes his shirt.
Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Here, iron this."
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