One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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Chuck Norris once wrestled a bear, an alligator, and a mountain lion all at once. He won by tying them together with an anaconda.

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Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

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Q: What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
A: Their personalities.

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Top researchers determined that cutting out beans, tomatoes and peppers will dramatically improve your diet...
That is how I determined that top researchers hate chili!

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What did the 0 say to the 8?
Nice belt.

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Chuck Norris doesn't need twitter, he's already following you.

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Yo mama is so fат on Halloween she threw on a white sheet and went as Antarctica.

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“Is it unlucky to drink on Friday the thirteenth, or is it merely stuporstition?”

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Leave a message or I'll send 30,000 volts through your phone. I am an electrical engineer. I can do that.

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“A surgeon who does a cut-rate operation is a cheap doctor.”

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Husband: Doctor, doctor, every day my wife tries to wash the car?
Doctor: What's wrong with that? Most husbands would love to have their wives wash the car.
Husband: In the bathtub?

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When I got home from work E. T. was sitting on my roof. I called around for an answer — my lawyer found that someone had put alien on my property.

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What's a вееr afficionado's favourite kind of роrn?

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I used to work in an office, and when I worked in an office, I celebrated all the holidays -- Cesar Chavez Day, Labor Day -- just to get a day off of work. It could be ККК Day -- Do I get a day off of work?

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Two guys were walking past an outdoor basketball court.
"You want to play Horse?" asked one guy.
His friend replied, "Sure, I guess... but only if I get to be the front legs."

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The teacher asks Jim, "Jimmy, why aren't you writing?"
"I don't has a pencil."
"Jimmy, that's not a correct sentence. The correct way is: I don't have a pencil, he doesn't have a pencil, we don't have a pencil."
"Who stole all the pencils then?"

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My friends from New York talk about how tough their schools were. I’m not impressed. I'm from Texas.
My school had it’s own coroner.
We used to write essays like:
“What I want to be IF I grow up...”

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Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

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