One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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Chuck Norris knows who let the dogs out.

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Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what?

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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

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Chuck Norris was born a blonde, but the blood of his victims dyed his hair and beard to a healthy orange.

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Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.

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Just helped my neighbor throw a rolled up carpet in the dumpster...
Her boyfriend would have helped but he is out of town.

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Chuck Norris once wrestled a bear, an alligator, and a mountain lion all at once. He won by tying them together with an anaconda.

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Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.

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Q: What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
A: Their personalities.

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How did the blonde die icefishing?
She got run over by the zamboni!

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Top researchers determined that cutting out beans, tomatoes and peppers will dramatically improve your diet...
That is how I determined that top researchers hate chili!

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What did the 0 say to the 8?
Nice belt.

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Yo mama is so fат on Halloween she threw on a white sheet and went as Antarctica.

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“Is it unlucky to drink on Friday the thirteenth, or is it merely stuporstition?”

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Leave a message or I'll send 30,000 volts through your phone. I am an electrical engineer. I can do that.

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“A surgeon who does a cut-rate operation is a cheap doctor.”

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Husband: Doctor, doctor, every day my wife tries to wash the car?
Doctor: What's wrong with that? Most husbands would love to have their wives wash the car.
Husband: In the bathtub?

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When I got home from work E. T. was sitting on my roof. I called around for an answer — my lawyer found that someone had put alien on my property.

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