One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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People say I'm condescending...
That means I talk down to people.

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If Thanksgiving is your left leg and Christmas is your right leg, can I visit between the holidays?

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Did you hear about the blonde that got excited? She finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months, when the box said,
"Two to four years."

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Someone overturned my port-a-роттy! So I pressed litigation, hiring lawyer

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A man visits his doctor and says, doctor, I keep seeing green Martians before my eyes.
The doctor asks have you seen a psychiatrist?
The patient says,
"No Only green Martians!"

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I want a girl that reminds me of my report card: her face has to be an A, she has to have double DDs, cause tonight I want to F.

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What do you do in case of fallout? Put it back in and take shorter strokes. Submitted by Curtis Edited by Calamjo

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Inertia is a property of Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

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Why is it so difficult to find men who are caring, sensitive, and good-looking?
They already have boyfriends.

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This was a really, really big year for me.
I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults' table. That's 'cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.

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Q: What did the blonde customer say after reading the buxom waitress's name tag?
A: "What did you name the other one?"

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Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

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I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

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One day YouTube, Twitter and Facebook will merge and be known as YouTwitFace :)

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A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He rang a house's doorbell and the door was opened by a lady. "Oh, how cute! A little pirate! And where are your buccaneers?" she asked. The boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."

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Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!

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Q. What is a taxidermist's favorite part of Thanksgiving?
A. The stuffing.

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