One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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There is no "ctrl" button on Chuck Norris's computer.
Chuck norris is always in control

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I had plastic surgery last week. My wife cut up my credit cards

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Confucius say:
"Man cannot exchange woman of forty for two twenties…"

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What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
An Air Bag.

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What is the difference between a lawyer and a cat?
One is an arrogant creature that will claw you out of house and money, and the other is a cat.

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"You see, doctor, I’m always dizzy for half an hour after I get up in the morning,” said Carla.
“Well, try getting up half an hour later,” said the doctor.

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Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.

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Why can't little people be killed?

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Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

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After he spent too long in a steam room, they called him A Sauna been Laid in.

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Faster than a speeding bullet... More powerful than a locomotive... Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... Yes, these are some of Chuck Norris' warm-up exercises.

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“I've just read that all the wildebeest in Africa have been replaced with animatronic copies. Fake gnus!”

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My wife won’t let me get a tattoo of a grizzly bear on each bicep...
She is infringing on my right to bear arms!

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I get upset about Asian canine-smugglers. They really know how to pooch my Bhutans.

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Q: Hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
A: It's called Sosumi.

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Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A: 100. One to make the batter and 99 to сrаск the shells on the M&Ms.

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Why did the Blonde рее in the Grocery Store?
The sign said ''Wet Floor.''

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Redhead:
"You ever smelled moth ваlls?"
Blonde:
"Yes, I think they smell good."
Redhead:
"Wow, I can't believe you got your nose between those tiny legs."

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