One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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The most important thing in life is to be yourself...
Unless you can be Batman. Always be Batman.

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I saw a warewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy.
Either way, the silver bullets worked.

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I set my DVR to record 'The Biggest Loser' and it keeps taping Michigan football games.

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I'd tell ya about my diск, but that would be a long story.

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My refrigerator just walked to my bedroom, opened the door, stood there and stared at me for five minutes, then it closed the door and left.

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^
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| thats what your mom said last night
|

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I hate when I am about to hug someone really sеxy and my face hits the mirror.

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If everyone else jumped off a dock, I would too.
I'm a sucker for pier pressure.

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You're a воов. just tittin. you're my вrеаsт friend.

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Two words:
I hate math.

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I try to accomplish something before the microwave reaches zero.

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I hate it when i'm drinking and someone tries to correct my vodkabulary.

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Rappers are always saying they are criminals, so why cant we torrent their music?

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Lord, Please give me patience, 'Cause if you give me strength, Imma beat the shiт out of this mother f*cker.... Amen

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A year ago from yesterday Steve Job died from Pancreatic Cancer. He literally died from PC.

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I can always tell if they use fake dinosaurs in films.

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Today I celebrated my fake ids birthday

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My driver's side window stopped working, so I'm probably gonna starve to death.

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