One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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I hate it when i'm drinking and someone tries to correct my vodkabulary.

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So a мidgет walks into a mini bar...

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Rappers are always saying they are criminals, so why cant we torrent their music?

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A year ago from yesterday Steve Job died from Pancreatic Cancer. He literally died from PC.

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I can always tell if they use fake dinosaurs in films.

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Today I celebrated my fake ids birthday

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My driver's side window stopped working, so I'm probably gonna starve to death.

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When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome but hey, shiт happens.

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If your girl gets mad at you while she's on her period, she's probably just оvаry-acting.

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Just got a воотy call from life, apparently it still wants to keep fuскing me.

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This debate is getting intense... Waiting for the crowd to start chanting, "JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!"

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Silly teens, babies are for adults.

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Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap 8 people at once.

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Everybody hates 'Crocs', but the company is worth over $2 billion?
Some of you motherf*ckers are lying.

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If your future self hasn't came back in time to tell you not to do it
Then it's not a bad decision...

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I can't decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

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I want my last words to be " hold my вееr and watch this shiт!"

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Commercials have introduced me to more new and interesting music in the last six months than MTV has in the last six years.

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