Phone jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular

How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth?
With a blender.
How do you get them out?
Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.

21

0

A guy dials his home phone number from work.
A strange woman answers.
The guy says,
"Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answered the woman.
"We don’t have a maid!"
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
"Ummm…she’s upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming.
He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
"What do I have to do?"
"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jеrк she’s with."
The maid puts down the phone.
The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"
"Throw them in the swimming pool!"
"What pool?”
"
"Uh.. is this 832-4173?"

21

0

Why did the referee have such a high phone bill?
Because he made to many calls!

21

0

Did you hear about the music app that is preloaded on every iPhone 6 plus?
GarageBend.

20

0

A blonde walked into a doctor's office with two burnt ears.
The doctor asked her, "What happened to your ear?"
The blonde replied, "I was ironing and the phone rang, so instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and put it to my ear.
Still not satisfied, the doctor asked,
"Well, what happened to the other ear?"
"The sucker called again!"

20

0

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure began when Chuck Norris arrived from the future and roundhouse kicked that phone booth into the past.

20

0

Chuck Norris recently got himself an iPad.
It turned into iDust when he tried to use it.

19

0

A blonde is on holiday and she wallks into an internet cafe to send an e-mail to her mum in America.
She doesn't know how to work the computers so she goes up to the guy on the desk and says:
"Excuse me could you help me send an e-mail to my mum?"
The guy says "Yeh, but it will cost ya"
And the blonde says "Sure i'll do anything for my mum"
The guy says:
"In that case follow me"
So she follows him into the back room and he pushes her down onto her knees, he unzips his trousers and pulls down his boxers and says:
"Well go on then you said you'd do anything!"
So she picks up his diск, holds it to her mouth and says:
"Hello.........mum are you there?"

18

0

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.
He said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."

17

0

Teacher:
"In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia?"
Pupil:
"Holding up the telegraph lines!"

17

0

Chuck Norris has an iPhone with whole apple.

16

0

Chuck Norris told his iPhone 2g it was a iPhone 4.
He can now multi task and use face time.

16

0

Sometimes i get jealous when my phone dies

16

0

Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.
Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
“Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”

15

0

The real reason that Oprah is ending her show on television is that Chuck phoned and said "That's enough!"

15

0

Chuck Norris installed iTunes... in Blackberry!

14

0

Yo momma so nasty i had phone sеx with her and she gave me an earinfection

13

0

When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news.
One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping.
A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby.
"Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it.
If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.

13

0