Phone jokes

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Why is the Apple still reporting record profits from iPhone sales?
Because iPhone users are just as oblivious to the looming recession as they are to the people around them.

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There is a senior citizen driving on the highway.
His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ''Herman, be careful!
I just heard on the radio that there is a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!''
Herman says, ''I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!''

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When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.

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Chuck Norris puts phone companies on hold.

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Me: Siri, why am I alone?
Siri: *opens front facing camera*

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Yo mamma so fат when she looked at the scale she yelled, "Thats not my weight, thats my phone number!"

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Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".

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Yo mamma so sтuрid she put her iPhone in the blender and thought it would turn into apple juice.

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What do the latest Iphone 6 applications do?
Whiten teeth and perform laser eye surgery!

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If you are next to Chuck Norris then you will always have perfect cell phone reception.

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911 calls Chuck Norris for emergency.

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Chuck Norris doesn't need a case for his phone.
The ground is afraid to break it.

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At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians.
American :
"In the United States, anyone can pick up any phone and dial 9-1-1.
This will record the call and connect them with the police."
Russian :
"In Russia we don't require that you dial anything."

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What happens if you download the Princess Diana screensaver application?
Your iphone will keep crashing!

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Someone calls at the hotline:
Good evening.
I’ve just installed Windows 98...
So?
Wheel I have a problem...
Ok, ok, you just said that...

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Chuck Norris can text using a rotary phone.

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Chuck Norris' phone never auto corrects him.

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The manager of the liquor store gets a phone call at 8 pm.
"At what time do you open tomorrow?" asked the caller.
"At nine," he answered. The phone rings at midnight
"What time do you open ... in the morning?"
"At nine".
The phone rings at 4 in the morning "Whatt tim do ya openn in the mornin?"
"I told you before at nine".
"Imm just inn aa hury cause i got locked in tha stor las nite."

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