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Вицове за пирати English Piratenwitze Chistes de piratas Шутки про пиратов Blagues de pirates Barzellette sui pirati Αστεία για πειρατές Вицови за пирати Korsan fıkraları Жарти про піратів Piadas de piratas Dowcipy o piratach Pirat skämt Piratenmoppen Piratsjov Piratskrøner Meriroskovitsit Kalóz viccek Bancuri cu pirați Vtipy o pirátech Pirato anekdotai Pirātu joki Vicevi o piratima
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Pirate Jokes

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Q: What do pirates wear in the winter?
A: Long Johns!
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Q: What has 12 arms, 12 legs, and 12 eyes?
A: 12 pirates.
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Q: How do pirates make their money?
A: By hook or by crook!
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Where do pirates buy their parrot food?
Petsmarrrrrrrrt!
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Ο καπετάνιος I greci durante la seconda guerra mondiale portavano la divisa rossa perché sono orgogliosi e non vogliono vedere il sangue quando vengono feriti. През Втората Световна Война гърците носили червени униформи Un barco tenía un capitán muy valiente. Пътува пиратски кораб през океана и изведнъж насреща му - френски галеон. Юнгата пита капитана: L’ammiraglio vede una flotta nemica e dice al suo tirapiedi: Il y a longtemps vivait un officier de l'armée royale nommé Capitaine Bravado. C'était un homme Two Generals were preparing for battle. Hace mucho tiempo vivió un hombre de mar A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says Los piratas de los siete mares: Este era un barco pirata Günün birinde acik denizlerde yol alirken Napoleón Bonaparte durante sus batallas siempre usaba una camisa de color rojo. Para él era importante General Mongomery var en smart taktiker. Han var tex alltid klädd i rött – Kapten Плава си един пиратски кораб през океана и изведнъж отсреща се задава боен кораб. Юнгата тича при капитана: - Капитане Há muito tempo Secolo XVII. Il capitano di una nave riceve cattive notizie: 'Capitano Rok 1497. Płynie sobie statek piracki straszliwego kapitana Rudobrodego. Nagle na horyzoncie pojawia się statek towarowy. Majtek z bocianiego gniazda woła: - Kapitanie statek towarowy na... osmanlı zamanında Το πλοίο βρίσκεται στη μέση της Μεσογείου Perämies tuli Kapteenin puheille ja ilmoitti: - Kapteeni A kalózok megtámadnak egy hajót. A kapitány szól a hajósinasnak: - Hozd ide a piros ingem! A piros ingében végig az élen harcol Osmanlı donanmasıyla Venedik donanması arasında savaş çıkmış. Venedik donanmasının komutanı Andrea Doria imiş. Gözcü Osmanlı donanmasının yaklaştığını fark edince hemen Andrea Doria'ya haber... Pe cand era Stefan cel Mare tanar Napoleon odpočíval ve svém stanu En spansk kaptein spaserte på skipet sitt da en soldat kom løpende og sa: - ”Et fiendtlig skip nærmer seg oss!” Kapteinen svarte rolig: - ”Hent den røde skjorten min.” Soldaten hentet skjorten.... Ein Piratenschiff. Am Bug steht der Piratenkapitän mit seinem Fernglas in der Hand und sucht den Horizont ab. Schliesslich entdeckt er ein englisches Handelsschiff. Er befiehlt einen Kurswechsel
Whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent, an old pirate captain would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of his crew members asked him what it meant.
The pirate captain replied, "It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."
"That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.
He told the crew member, "Get my brown pants."
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What's a hоrny pirate's worst nightmare?
A sunken chest with no воотy!
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Q: How did the pirate get through School?
A: By sailing on high C's.
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A sеамаn meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea.
The sеамаn notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The sеамаn asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks.
Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the sеамаn.
"What about your hook"?
"Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords.
One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the sеамаn.
"How did you get the eye patch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously.
"Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"
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A pirate goes to the doctor and say, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh."
The doctor:
"It's ok, they're benign."
Pirate:
"Count again, I think there be ten!"
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Q: How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast?
A: Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
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Camouflage Clothing Ο καπετάνιος I greci durante la seconda guerra mondiale portavano la divisa rossa perché sono orgogliosi e non vogliono vedere il sangue quando vengono feriti. През Втората Световна Война гърците носили червени униформи Un barco tenía un capitán muy valiente. Пътува пиратски кораб през океана и изведнъж насреща му - френски галеон. Юнгата пита капитана: L’ammiraglio vede una flotta nemica e dice al suo tirapiedi: Il y a longtemps vivait un officier de l'armée royale nommé Capitaine Bravado. C'était un homme Two Generals were preparing for battle. Hace mucho tiempo vivió un hombre de mar Los piratas de los siete mares: Este era un barco pirata Günün birinde acik denizlerde yol alirken Napoleón Bonaparte durante sus batallas siempre usaba una camisa de color rojo. Para él era importante General Mongomery var en smart taktiker. Han var tex alltid klädd i rött – Kapten Плава си един пиратски кораб през океана и изведнъж отсреща се задава боен кораб. Юнгата тича при капитана: - Капитане Há muito tempo Secolo XVII. Il capitano di una nave riceve cattive notizie: 'Capitano Rok 1497. Płynie sobie statek piracki straszliwego kapitana Rudobrodego. Nagle na horyzoncie pojawia się statek towarowy. Majtek z bocianiego gniazda woła: - Kapitanie statek towarowy na... osmanlı zamanında Το πλοίο βρίσκεται στη μέση της Μεσογείου Perämies tuli Kapteenin puheille ja ilmoitti: - Kapteeni A kalózok megtámadnak egy hajót. A kapitány szól a hajósinasnak: - Hozd ide a piros ingem! A piros ingében végig az élen harcol Osmanlı donanmasıyla Venedik donanması arasında savaş çıkmış. Venedik donanmasının komutanı Andrea Doria imiş. Gözcü Osmanlı donanmasının yaklaştığını fark edince hemen Andrea Doria'ya haber... Pe cand era Stefan cel Mare tanar Napoleon odpočíval ve svém stanu En spansk kaptein spaserte på skipet sitt da en soldat kom løpende og sa: - ”Et fiendtlig skip nærmer seg oss!” Kapteinen svarte rolig: - ”Hent den røde skjorten min.” Soldaten hentet skjorten.... Ein Piratenschiff. Am Bug steht der Piratenkapitän mit seinem Fernglas in der Hand und sucht den Horizont ab. Schliesslich entdeckt er ein englisches Handelsschiff. Er befiehlt einen Kurswechsel
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont."
The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die."
So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?"
The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting."
So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont."
The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
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A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his реnis.
The bartender says to him, "You know you've got a ship's wheel on your реnis?"
And the pirate says, "Argh, I know. It drives me nuts."
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Yo' Mama is so flat, pirates can't wait to get their hands her a sunken chest.
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Chuck Norris once shook a pirates hand.
That pirate is now known as Captain Hook
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Q: Who was the most famous pirate octopus?
A: Captain Squid.
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What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea.
(Courtesy of my 6 year old)
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What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye matey!
​
*Courtesy of a 7 year old in my class.*
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A pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender looks down and says, "You know that you have a steering wheel in your pants"
The pirate replies, "Ay, it's drivin' me nuts."
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