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Ain't nobody ever gave me nothing!
' - no matter what the movie be, whatever the actor be doing. He could be fixing some food: 'Hey you gonna finish that?' 'You listen to me, ain't nobody ever gave me nothing!' 'And CUT!' They could be swimming away from a shark: 'Come on man, we gotta get out of here.' 'Listen! Ain't nobody ever gave me nothing!'

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Q: What is Bill Clinton's favorite card game?
A: Poker.

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Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks.
Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven."
Steven Segal sees a costume that grabs his attention and says, "I'll be Mozart." Arnold had a tough time finding a costume that he liked, but he eventually found one that appeased his interest. He picks up a costume and said, "I'll be Bach."

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Why was Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts?
He was caught playing with his broomstick.

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Q: Why do bees hum?
A: They don't know the words.

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Q: What is Homer Simpson's favorite ice cream?
A: Chocolate-chip cookie d'oh!

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James Brown can do no wrong in my eyes.
I don't care who he killed - they had it coming to them; they shouldn't have been there.

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A.J. Jamal: Jeopardy!
I'm sweating like a black man on 'Jeopardy.'

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Q: What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?
A: Their middle names.

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Q: What do you call Charlie Brown with no legs?
A: Ground Chuck.

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Q: What do you have when you hold two green ваlls in your hand?
A: Kermit's undivided attention.

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What's the difference between Simba and O.J. Simpson?
One's an African lion, and the other's a lion African.

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Q: Why was Oprah stopped at the airport?
A: She was arrested for carrying 300 pounds of сrаск in her pants.

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Q: How are men like lava lamps?
A: They're fun to look at, but they're not that bright.

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Q: Did you hear about the new Michael Jackson doll?
A: You wind it up and it plays with your kids.

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Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: Mimes in a chainsaw fight.

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A drunк guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you, Batman!

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I can remember when you were a little, short black boy with an afro.
Now, you are a tall white woman with a perm.

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