Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.
Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.
She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away.
He didn't explain, defend, or deny.
He said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... walked home... and left it there all night.
You gotta love George.
Lost In The Desert
There’s this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks.
One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep.
The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health.
Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town.
On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, “Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?”
The missionary says, “Sure but there is a special thing about this horse.
You have to say ‘Thank God’ to make it go and ‘Amen’ to make it stop.”
Not paying much attention, the man says, “Sure, ok.”
So, he gets on the horse and says, “Thank God” and the horse starts walking. Then he says, “Thank God, Thank God, ” and the horse starts trotting.
Feeling really brave, the man say, “Thank God, Thank God, Thank God, Thank God, Thank God” and the horse just literally takes off.
Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he’s doing everything he can to make the horse stop. “Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!”
Finally he remembers, “AMEN!!”
The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff.
The man leans back in the saddle and says, “Thank God”.
A Priest is fishing with his mate and catches something.
“That’s a huge fсuкеr you’ve got there father,” says the friend.
“Watch your language around a man of God,” replies the Priest.
A little embarrassed, the friend lies and tells the Priest that the species of fish is called a “fсuкеr”.
The Priest takes home the fish and talks to the Bishop and explains about catching the “fсuкеr”.
“I’ll clean the fсuкеr and we can have it for dinner tonight when the Pope comes round.”
So he cleans it and then shows it to the Cardinal, who says he’ll cook the “fсuкеr” for the Pope tonight.
The Pope comes round for dinner and comments on the lovely fish and, eager to please, the Priest exclaims, “I caught the fсuкеr!”
The Bishop cries, “I cleaned the fсuкеr!”
And the Cardinal continues, “I cooked the fсuкеr!”
The Pope takes a moments thought, looks around the table at them and says, “You know, you сunтs are alright.”
A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says,
"My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night.
He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave. Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.
The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man says,
"If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk." The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."
The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and
Knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks. "In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to sтriр away self deception."
The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound." The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says,
"The sound is beyond that door." The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond.
Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door." The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door! With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the кnов, and slowly
Pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound...
But, of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.