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Вицове за Религия English Himmel und Hölle-Witze, Himme... Chistes de religión, Chiste de... Анекдоты про Религию Blagues sur la religion Barzellette In chiesa preti fr... Θρησκευτικά ανέκδοτα Религија, Верски вицови Dini Fıkralar Анекдоти про релігію Piadas de Religião Dowcipy i kawały: Religijne Religiösa skämt Religie moppen, Moppen over Re... Vittigheder om Religion, Relig... Religiøse vitser Uskonto vitsit Vallásos viccek Bancuri Religie, Bancuri Relig... Anekdoty a vtipy o náboženství... Religiniai anekdotai Reliģija Religija, Verski vicevi
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Religion jokes

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Adam was lonely, so he asked God for company. God agreed, but said,
"Don't let her in the water." Adam agreed and Eve appeared the next day. Adam was so excited, he went in the lake to get cleaned up. Eve wanted to go in, but knew she wasn't allowed. A few months go by and she gets tired of not being able to go in the water. As she runs to the water, she tears off her fig leaf and splash! God says,
"Oh great! Now the fish will smell like that!"
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Why did all the hippies go to church on the first day of Lent? A: They heard it was "Hash Wednesday."
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Jesus' away message on Good Friday, "BRB."
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What's the best part about being a Rabbi? You get to keep the tips.
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We are all God's children right? And Jesus is God's only son, right? So aren't we all women?
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What does the Pope use to cut potatoes? El pela papas.
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A hippie in a bus sees a very beautiful lady and he goes to the lady and asks " can I do my way with you? " and the lady replies by saying "sorry i cant so that i am a nun my body and soul belongs to the lord" the hippie then walks away and exits the bus cause they have arrived and his bus stop but gets stopped by the bus driver " you know that nun always goes to the cemetery and prays so you should go there dressed up like jesus and ask her to do your way with her" says the bus driver the hippie says okay and waits till midnight and goes to the cemetery and sees the nun praying then he put his jesus outfit and asks the nun to do her way with her and he shall forgiver her sins and she says yes but do it from behind so i will not lose my virginity and they start to make love and when they were done the hippie rips his outfit of and says surprise its me the hippie! and then the nun rips her dress of and screams surprise its me the bus~driver!
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A religious woman buys a parrot and takes it home. As soon as she gets the bird in its new cage, it starts hollering, "I'm a whоrе! I'm a whоrе!" The lady is embarrassed and asks her minister if she should return the foul-mouthed bird. The minister suggests, "I have a well-behaved male parrot who sits in its cage and prays all day long. Perhaps if we put your bird in with mine, your bird will see the error of its ways and become more pious." The next day, the woman takes her parrot to the minister's house and puts her bird in with the praying parrot. After a few seconds, her parrot starts saying, "I'm a whоrе! I'm a whоrе!" The priest's parrot replies,
"Come on in honey, that's what I've been praying for!"
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Had a fancy dress party last night and got beaten up after sleeping with a ghost. At least I thought it was a ghost, turns out it was my Muslim next door neighbors wife.
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Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.
Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.
She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away.
He didn't explain, defend, or deny.
He said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... walked home... and left it there all night.
You gotta love George.
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Lost In The Desert
There’s this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks.
One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep.
The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health.
Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town.
On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, “Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?”
The missionary says, “Sure but there is a special thing about this horse.
You have to say ‘Thank God’ to make it go and ‘Amen’ to make it stop.”
Not paying much attention, the man says, “Sure, ok.”
So, he gets on the horse and says, “Thank God” and the horse starts walking. Then he says, “Thank God, Thank God, ” and the horse starts trotting.
Feeling really brave, the man say, “Thank God, Thank God, Thank God, Thank God, Thank God” and the horse just literally takes off.
Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he’s doing everything he can to make the horse stop. “Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!”
Finally he remembers, “AMEN!!”
The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff.
The man leans back in the saddle and says, “Thank God”.
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A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. …
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“How do you know what to say?” he asked. …
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“Why, God tells me,” the father answered. …
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The boy replied, “Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?”
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A man came into a shop with a ‘Salesman Wanted’ sign in a window.
He went up to the owner and said, “I-I-I w-w-waannn-t the j-joooob-b.”
“I don’t know if this job would suit you because of your speaking impediment,” said the owner.
“I h-h-havvve a w-wi-wiiiife and s-s-s-six k-kkkids, iiii-I re-really neeeed thi-thi-this j-j-job!” said the man.
“O. K. Here are three Bibles. Go out and sell them.” said the owner.
So the man went out and came back an hour later.
“H-here-sss your m-m-money.” said the man.
The owner was impressed, so he gave the man a dozen more Bibles and sent him out.
The man came back in two hours and said, “Her-ers y-yooour m-m-money.”
The owner said, “This is fantastic. You sold more Bibles in three hours than anyone has sold in a week. Tell me, what do you say to the people when they come to the door?”
“W-welllll,” said the man, “I r-r-ring the d-door веll, a-a-and s-s-say ‘H-Неl-Hello, M-m-maaaaddam, d-d-do you w-w- want t-t-t-to buy thi-thi-this B-B-Bible, oooor d-d-do y-you w-w-want m’me t-toooo read it t-t-t-t-to you?
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My mom's real religious, dude. She's all, 'You gotta find Jesus.' I'm like, 'I know where Jesus is. He's in jail.'
'Cause when all my friends come out, they're like, 'Hey, I found Jesus.'
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A Priest is fishing with his mate and catches something.
“That’s a huge fсuкеr you’ve got there father,” says the friend.
“Watch your language around a man of God,” replies the Priest.
A little embarrassed, the friend lies and tells the Priest that the species of fish is called a “fсuкеr”.
The Priest takes home the fish and talks to the Bishop and explains about catching the “fсuкеr”.
“I’ll clean the fсuкеr and we can have it for dinner tonight when the Pope comes round.”
So he cleans it and then shows it to the Cardinal, who says he’ll cook the “fсuкеr” for the Pope tonight.
The Pope comes round for dinner and comments on the lovely fish and, eager to please, the Priest exclaims, “I caught the fсuкеr!”
The Bishop cries, “I cleaned the fсuкеr!”
And the Cardinal continues, “I cooked the fсuкеr!”
The Pope takes a moments thought, looks around the table at them and says, “You know, you сunтs are alright.”
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In heaven, the angels asked God where he would spend his next holiday. God said,
"Definitely not on Earth. Last time I went there, I left a girl pregnant and those people haven't stopped talking about it since!"
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My Muslim friend said that the festival of Eid is like a Muslim Christmas. Last night I left out a stocking, a glass of sherry and a pork pie but Mohammed didn’t bring me any presents.
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Two nuns, Sister Mary and Sister Elizabeth are walking through the park when they are jumped by two thugs. Their habits are ripped from them and the men begin to sexually аssаulт them.
Sister Elizabeth casts her eyes heavenward and cries, “Forgive him Lord, for he knows not what he is doing!”
Sister Mary turns and moans, “Oh God, mine does!!!”
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