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Вицове за Религия English Himmel und Hölle-Witze, Himme... Chistes de religión, Chiste de... Анекдоты про Религию Blagues sur la religion Barzellette In chiesa preti fr... Θρησκευτικά ανέκδοτα Религија, Верски вицови Dini Fıkralar Анекдоти про релігію Piadas de Religião Dowcipy i kawały: Religijne Religiösa skämt Religie moppen, Moppen over Re... Vittigheder om Religion, Relig... Religiøse vitser Uskonto vitsit Vallásos viccek Bancuri Religie, Bancuri Relig... Anekdoty a vtipy o náboženství... Religiniai anekdotai Latviešu Religija, Verski vicevi
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It’s sad to see so much violence coming from the Muslim community in recent weeks. On the plus side my local Halal butcher has had some great deals on meat.
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Have you heard about that new Muslim rock band from Saudi Arabia?
They’re called the ‘Throwing Stones’.
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Two nuns were shopping at a 7-Eleven store. As they passed by the вееr cooler, one nun said to the other, “Wouldn’t a nice cool вееr or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?”
The second nun answered, “Indeed it would, sister, but I would not feel comfortable buying вееr, since I am certain it would cause a scene at the checkout stand.”
“I can handle that without a problem,” the other nun replied, and she picked up a six-pack and headed for the checkout.
The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack of вееr.
“We use вееr for washing our hair,” the nun said. “Back at the convent, we call it ‘Catholic shampoo.’ ”
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks, and placed them in the bag with the вееr. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled, and said, “The curlers are on the house.”
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The following took place at a dinner party in Jerusalem about 2000 years ago.
This is my body. *Pulls out some bread*
This is my blood. *Pours some wine*
This is a stick up *Pulls out a gun*, put your hands on your head and get on the floor.
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A preacher and his two deacons go hunting and they all come upon this huge buck, all wanting to brag about their success they all shoot at it, it falls dead they all walk up to it and the game warden walks up and the deacon says how do we know which one of us shot him?
The game warden says I do the preacher did, it went in one ear and out the other
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A priest and a cab driver went to heaven.
The priest was given fifty bags of gold and a nice house.
The cab driver was given the same but also a boat, a lake and a box of diamonds.
The priest asked St. Peter, "Hey I was a priest, how come I don't get a box of diamonds or a lake or a boat?"
St. Peter said,
"We go by results. During your sermons people slept, during his cab rides people prayed."
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Know why muslims don’t wear underwear?
They don’t want to leave ‘bacon strips’.
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A pastor asked his Bible class, "Why was Jesus born in Bethlehem?"
A student replied, "Because his mother was there."
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I murdered a load of Jehovah’s at church today.
Don’t worry, I left no witnesses.
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After feeling a bit suicidal I called the Islamic Samaritans earlier today. They seemed really nice and even offered to give me flying lessons free of charge.
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Did you know that in the Bible, baseball is the very first thing mentioned?
"In the big inning..."
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Song of Solomon is one book of the bible dedicated solely to romantic love...
Isn't it it ironic that its initials are SOS?
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I read an article the other day which claimed that over 70% of bishops are gаy.
Imagine if they changed the rules of chess now to acknowledge this fact… the bishops would still move in the same directions but could only be taken from behind.
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A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head monk to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says,
"We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the head monk.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him ваnging his head against the wall and wailing.
"We missed the R!
We missed the R!
We missed the R!"
His forehead is all вlооdy and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the head monk, "What's wrong, father?"
The head monk with tears in his eyes replies,
"The word is celebrate not celibate!"
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Scientology is officially recognised as a religion in the UK, rather than just a cult. A cult being a group who believe in bizarre theories and superstitions, practice dаfт rituals and accept ridiculous restrictions on their behaviour. Whereas a religion……. Erm
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A young priest gets up in the morning and goes to breakfast.
On his way there two nuns look at him and he says, “Good morning sisters” and they reply in a sing song manner, “You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”
This stuns the priest who thought he had been very polite but he just goes on.
He encounters a Brother a little while later along the way and he says,”Good morning Brother.” The Brother replies in a sing song voice, “You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”
The priest looks confused at all this but goes on.
He gets a little farther and he comes across a fellow priest and he says, “Good morning Father.” The priest replies in a sing song manner, “You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”
Now the priest was mad. He continues his walk to the dinning hall not saying a word to anyone.
The Bishop sees him and says, “Father …”
The young priest was not going to take any more even from the bishop.
He looks at the bishop and says, “No I did not get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”
The bishop looks at him stunned and says “What?”
The priest realized his mistake and said “I am sorry your holiness, what is it you want.”
The bishop looks at him and says, “All I was going to do was ask you why you had on Sister Ann’s shoes?”
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Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun
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This past Sunday Mary Ellen and Elisabeth went to the 10:30 AM service and the new pastor was long winded and his sermon was quite long.
After the service was finally over, Mary Ellen said to Elisabeth, "The sermon was beautiful don't you think?".
Elisabeth replied "Oh yes it was, but a bit too long. Next week I'm bringing my cushion to sit on, these benches are too hard."
She continued to say, "You know Mary Ellen at one point during the sermon I thought my вuтт went to sleep."
Mary Ellen said,
"I know, I heard it snore three times."
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