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Вицове за Религия English Himmel und Hölle-Witze, Himme... Chistes de religión, Chiste de... Анекдоты про Религию Blagues sur la religion Barzellette In chiesa preti fr... Θρησκευτικά ανέκδοτα Религија, Верски вицови Dini Fıkralar Анекдоти про релігію Piadas de Religião Dowcipy i kawały: Religijne Religiösa skämt Religie moppen, Moppen over Re... Vittigheder om Religion, Relig... Religiøse vitser Uskonto vitsit Vallásos viccek Bancuri Religie, Bancuri Relig... Anekdoty a vtipy o náboženství... Religiniai anekdotai Reliģija Religija, Verski vicevi
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Religion jokes

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After feeling a bit suicidal I called the Islamic Samaritans earlier today. They seemed really nice and even offered to give me flying lessons free of charge.
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Did you know that in the Bible, baseball is the very first thing mentioned?
"In the big inning..."
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Song of Solomon is one book of the bible dedicated solely to romantic love...
Isn't it it ironic that its initials are SOS?
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I read an article the other day which claimed that over 70% of bishops are gаy.
Imagine if they changed the rules of chess now to acknowledge this fact… the bishops would still move in the same directions but could only be taken from behind.
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A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head monk to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says,
"We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the head monk.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him ваnging his head against the wall and wailing.
"We missed the R!
We missed the R!
We missed the R!"
His forehead is all вlооdy and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the head monk, "What's wrong, father?"
The head monk with tears in his eyes replies,
"The word is celebrate not celibate!"
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Scientology is officially recognised as a religion in the UK, rather than just a cult. A cult being a group who believe in bizarre theories and superstitions, practice dаfт rituals and accept ridiculous restrictions on their behaviour. Whereas a religion……. Erm
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A young priest gets up in the morning and goes to breakfast.
On his way there two nuns look at him and he says, “Good morning sisters” and they reply in a sing song manner, “You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”
This stuns the priest who thought he had been very polite but he just goes on.
He encounters a Brother a little while later along the way and he says,”Good morning Brother.” The Brother replies in a sing song voice, “You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”
The priest looks confused at all this but goes on.
He gets a little farther and he comes across a fellow priest and he says, “Good morning Father.” The priest replies in a sing song manner, “You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”
Now the priest was mad. He continues his walk to the dinning hall not saying a word to anyone.
The Bishop sees him and says, “Father …”
The young priest was not going to take any more even from the bishop.
He looks at the bishop and says, “No I did not get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”
The bishop looks at him stunned and says “What?”
The priest realized his mistake and said “I am sorry your holiness, what is it you want.”
The bishop looks at him and says, “All I was going to do was ask you why you had on Sister Ann’s shoes?”
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Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun
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This past Sunday Mary Ellen and Elisabeth went to the 10:30 AM service and the new pastor was long winded and his sermon was quite long.
After the service was finally over, Mary Ellen said to Elisabeth, "The sermon was beautiful don't you think?".
Elisabeth replied "Oh yes it was, but a bit too long. Next week I'm bringing my cushion to sit on, these benches are too hard."
She continued to say, "You know Mary Ellen at one point during the sermon I thought my вuтт went to sleep."
Mary Ellen said,
"I know, I heard it snore three times."
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My son is such an introvert, he can't even lead the silent prayer.
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I’m currently studying to be a psychiatrist and I went to the library to find a book on suicide. The librarian recommended I read the Qur’an.
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In England there are sixty different religions and only one sauce.
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I don’t see why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist suicide bomber on the off chance that when you die you get 72 virgins. …
…
Just become a Catholic priest and get them now.
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My mate suffers from that disease which makes him allergic to facts.
Religion.
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Adam:
"What are we having for dinner?"
Eve:
"Spare Ribs."
Adam:
"What is that, some kind of joke?"
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Just quit my job at the mosque. All they care about is profits.
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I picked up a Jewish girl in a club the other night. When we got outside and she saw my Volkswagen she went off on one, saying “How can you drive a German car? They’re evil people and can never be forgiven for what they did.”
I tried to reason with her and pointed out that the Holocaust happened over 50 years ago and nearly all the Germans responsible for the atrocities are now dead. I also pointed out that despite the current people of Germany not having anything to do with what happened all those years ago, they feel that it was a dark era in their past and are still ashamed of that whole period of their history.
She replied, “It doesn’t matter how long ago it was, they’re all responsible”
So I punched her in the mouth and said, “That’s for Judаs Iscariot, вiтсh!”
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A pastor is finishing up his sermon on Sunday morning… …
…. …
“In preparation for my sermon next week, I want you all to read Mark chapter 17. You are dismissed.” … …
So next week everybody comes back to church. After singing a few hymns, the pastor comes to the pulpit.
“How many read Mark chapter 17 like I said last week?” …. ..
…
Everyone raised their hand. The pastor says “and it’s a great chapter, Amen??” There are shouts of “Amen!” from the congregation.
Then the pastor smirks.
“Well, Mark only has 16 chapters. I will now begin my sermon on the terrible sin of lying.”
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