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Adam:
"What are we having for dinner?"
Eve:
"Spare Ribs."
Adam:
"What is that, some kind of joke?"

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Just quit my job at the mosque. All they care about is profits.

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I picked up a Jewish girl in a club the other night. When we got outside and she saw my Volkswagen she went off on one, saying “How can you drive a German car? They’re evil people and can never be forgiven for what they did.”
I tried to reason with her and pointed out that the Holocaust happened over 50 years ago and nearly all the Germans responsible for the atrocities are now dead. I also pointed out that despite the current people of Germany not having anything to do with what happened all those years ago, they feel that it was a dark era in their past and are still ashamed of that whole period of their history.
She replied, “It doesn’t matter how long ago it was, they’re all responsible”
So I punched her in the mouth and said, “That’s for Judаs Iscariot, вiтсh!”

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Who were the famous triplets of the New Testament?
First, Second, and Third John.

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Harry walked over to the Priest after services, “You know Father, I am really stuck in a quandary. I would like to attend church next week but I just can’t miss the big game next Sunday, it’s just out of the question.”
“Oh Harry, Harry” said the Priest putting his arm around Harry. “Don’t you know, that’s what recorders are for.”
Harry’s face lit up, “You mean I could record your sermon?”

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It seems that the older we are the more we read the Bible...
Are we cramming for finals?

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A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist, Linda, and her вrеаsтs were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played while she played the оrgаn. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably.
The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So one of the ladies approached Linda very discreetly about the problem, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on her niррlеs and over her вrеаsтs.
This should cause them to shrink in size, but warned her not to taste any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up, and you won’t be able to talk properly for a while.
The voluptuous organist reluctantly agreed to try it.
The following Sunday morning the minister walked up to the pulpit and said, “Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday”

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Have you heard about the new cheese factory they’re opening in Palestine?
It’s called ‘Cheeses of Nazareth’.

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Just found out from the internet that heaven isn’t real. Apparently the bright light you see when you die is actually you being reborn and coming out of another vаginа.

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The Pope walks into a Mosque.
The imam says “Why the wrong faith?”

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P ilot to tower . . . pilot to tower . . . I am 300 miles from land . . . 600 feet over water . . . and running out of fuel . . . please instruct!
Tower to pilot . . . tower to pilot . . . repeat after me:
“Our Father, which art in heaven . . .”

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I feel sorry for Моsеs... he spent forty years wandering the desert, eating nothing but the bread off the ground and the occasional bird, and every day a million people would come up to him and ask, "Are we there yet?"

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The Muslims first invented the соndом in the year 654 using a goat intestine. Christians expanded on this idea in 1364 by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

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A not-so-bright girl is flying in a plane when her pilot keels over. She calls out:
"Mayday! Mayday! My pilot is dead!"
Air traffic control responds, "Don't worry, I'll talk you through this. What's your height and position?"
"I'm five-four and I'm in the plane," she says.
"Repeat after me," says the voice. "Our Father, who art in heaven...."

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Just seen a bishop walking in the street which was strange because he wasn’t walking diagonally.

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How can you tell when you have entered a gаy church?
Every other person is kneeling.

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Why are Catholic priests always running? Because they love to exercise demons.

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TIMES were tough, so Ollie decided to hire out as a painter. He was hired to paint the Lutheran church and he was doing well until he reached the steeple. By then, Ollie saw he was running low on paint. So, he decided to stretch the paint by thinning it out with some turpentine. As he neared the top of the steeple, he witnessed a flash of lightning and rolling thunder, accompanied by a voice from the heavens:
“Ollie . . . Ollie . . . Repaint! . . . And thin no more.”

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