Religion jokes

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My son is such an introvert, he can't even lead the silent prayer.

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I’m currently studying to be a psychiatrist and I went to the library to find a book on suicide. The librarian recommended I read the Qur’an.

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In England there are sixty different religions and only one sauce.

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I don’t see why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist suicide bomber on the off chance that when you die you get 72 virgins. …
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Just become a Catholic priest and get them now.

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My mate suffers from that disease which makes him allergic to facts.
Religion.

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Adam:
"What are we having for dinner?"
Eve:
"Spare Ribs."
Adam:
"What is that, some kind of joke?"

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Just quit my job at the mosque. All they care about is profits.

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I picked up a Jewish girl in a club the other night. When we got outside and she saw my Volkswagen she went off on one, saying “How can you drive a German car? They’re evil people and can never be forgiven for what they did.”
I tried to reason with her and pointed out that the Holocaust happened over 50 years ago and nearly all the Germans responsible for the atrocities are now dead. I also pointed out that despite the current people of Germany not having anything to do with what happened all those years ago, they feel that it was a dark era in their past and are still ashamed of that whole period of their history.
She replied, “It doesn’t matter how long ago it was, they’re all responsible”
So I punched her in the mouth and said, “That’s for Judаs Iscariot, вiтсh!”

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A pastor is finishing up his sermon on Sunday morning… …
…. …
“In preparation for my sermon next week, I want you all to read Mark chapter 17. You are dismissed.” … …
So next week everybody comes back to church. After singing a few hymns, the pastor comes to the pulpit.
“How many read Mark chapter 17 like I said last week?” …. ..
…
Everyone raised their hand. The pastor says “and it’s a great chapter, Amen??” There are shouts of “Amen!” from the congregation.
Then the pastor smirks.
“Well, Mark only has 16 chapters. I will now begin my sermon on the terrible sin of lying.”

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Who were the famous triplets of the New Testament?
First, Second, and Third John.

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Harry walked over to the Priest after services, “You know Father, I am really stuck in a quandary. I would like to attend church next week but I just can’t miss the big game next Sunday, it’s just out of the question.”
“Oh Harry, Harry” said the Priest putting his arm around Harry. “Don’t you know, that’s what recorders are for.”
Harry’s face lit up, “You mean I could record your sermon?”

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It seems that the older we are the more we read the Bible...
Are we cramming for finals?

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Have you heard about the new cheese factory they’re opening in Palestine?
It’s called ‘Cheeses of Nazareth’.

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Just found out from the internet that heaven isn’t real. Apparently the bright light you see when you die is actually you being reborn and coming out of another vаginа.

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The Pope walks into a Mosque.
The imam says “Why the wrong faith?”

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P ilot to tower . . . pilot to tower . . . I am 300 miles from land . . . 600 feet over water . . . and running out of fuel . . . please instruct!
Tower to pilot . . . tower to pilot . . . repeat after me:
“Our Father, which art in heaven . . .”

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I feel sorry for Моsеs... he spent forty years wandering the desert, eating nothing but the bread off the ground and the occasional bird, and every day a million people would come up to him and ask, "Are we there yet?"

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What do you call an angry Muslim?
Amin AbadMood

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