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The Muslims first invented the соndом in the year 654 using a goat intestine. Christians expanded on this idea in 1364 by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

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A not-so-bright girl is flying in a plane when her pilot keels over. She calls out:
"Mayday! Mayday! My pilot is dead!"
Air traffic control responds, "Don't worry, I'll talk you through this. What's your height and position?"
"I'm five-four and I'm in the plane," she says.
"Repeat after me," says the voice. "Our Father, who art in heaven...."

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Just seen a bishop walking in the street which was strange because he wasn’t walking diagonally.

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Why are Catholic priests always running? Because they love to exercise demons.

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TIMES were tough, so Ollie decided to hire out as a painter. He was hired to paint the Lutheran church and he was doing well until he reached the steeple. By then, Ollie saw he was running low on paint. So, he decided to stretch the paint by thinning it out with some turpentine. As he neared the top of the steeple, he witnessed a flash of lightning and rolling thunder, accompanied by a voice from the heavens:
“Ollie . . . Ollie . . . Repaint! . . . And thin no more.”

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How much рussy do priests get?
Nun.

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Why do people celebrate Jesus going to heaven? Once you reach your 30s the last thing you want is to move back with your parents.

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What did the bishop say after they redid the Church foyer with black and white tiles? …
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“It looks nice but now I can only enter and exit the Church diagonally. “

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What happens when you fаrт in church?
You have to sit in your own pew.

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At a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison choir would be singing the following evening. I wasn't aware there was a prison in the vicinity, so I looked forward to hearing them.
The next evening, I was puzzled when members of the church approached the stage. Then the pastor introduced them.
"This is our prison choir," he said,
"They're behind a few bars and always looking for the key."

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Going to mass is pretty much the same as a dog being trained .
A guy tells you to sit and stand and sit and stand, and at the end they give you a snack

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Q. What do Muslims and weather have in common?
A. They’re both either Sunni or Shiite.

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After 1300 years of praying five times a day you would think that Muslims would have eventually realised that the carpets are not going to take off, and fly.

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After a very passionate sermon the preacher was standing at the door to greet the departing congregation when one very upset lady said,
"Pastor, I am very disappointed in your sermon... You said the word 'dамn'."
"Oh," said the Pastor. "I am sorry if I offended you. What did I say just before that word?"
"I don't remember," she said.
"Well, what did I say after that word?"
"I don't remember," she said.
"I guess it was good that I used that word or you would not have heard ONE WORD I said."

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Jesus: Table for twenty-six … …
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Waiter: But there are only 13 of you …
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Jesus: True, but we are all going to sit on one side of the table.

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Why did Cain have no faith?
Because he wasn't Abel

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It’s amazing what Muslims put themselves through just so they can get 72 virgins in heaven. It would be a lot easier if they just became Catholic priests.

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What do the Pope and Jimmy Saville have in common?
They both wear lots of jewelrey.

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