School Jokes

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Little Johnny's class is reviewing the alphabet.
His teacher knows that he has an "advanced" vocabulary for his age, so she avoids calling on him. When the teacher asks for a word beginning with "A," Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher anticipates he'll say, "аss" so she calls on Mary Lou, who says "apple."
This continues because the teacher knows that Little Johnny knows a cuss word for every letter of the alphabet. Then she gets to "R." She can't think of any cuss words that begin with R, so she calls on Johnny.
He exclaims, "R is for rats - big f**king rats, with 12-inch c**ks!"

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A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.
The blonde approached and asked if she was all right.
The girl said she was.
A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself.
Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?"
The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously.
Feeling she was making progress, the blonde then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?"
"Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"

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Q: What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school?
A: Bison

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A redheaded man walks into a bar and sits next to another redheaded man. He orders a Guinness, and the 2nd redheaded man turns to him.
"I'm guessing from that accent you're from Dublin?" he asks, in an Irish brogue.
"Of course!" the 1st guy exclaims, "here, bartender, get this guy a Guinness, too."
Their exchange continues:
1st: "Lemme ask you, what street did you grow up on?"
2nd: "St. Catherine Street. And you?"
1st: "St. Catherine Street, same as you!"
2nd: "Here, bartender, get this guy a Jameson! What school did you go to?"
1st: "St. Jospeh's Boy's Academy."
2nd: "Son of a вiтсh, I went to St. Joe's too! Bartender, get this guy a Jameson!"
This continues, and as they find they had the same teachers and knew the same neighborhood kids, they proceed to get louder and drunker until a guy at the other end of the bar asks the bartender, "What's up with those two?"
The bartender shrugs and says, "It's the O'Shaughnessy twins, they're drunк again."

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"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"

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Teacher: "Are you good at math?"
Pupil: "Yes and no."
Teacher: "What do you mean?"
Pupil: "Yes, I'm no good at math!"

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A boy tells his friend that he has a crush on his teacher.
The second boy says, ‘Man, that is disgusting.’
The first boy says, ‘What?
Everyone has a crush on their teacher.’
The second boy says, ‘Yeah, but you’re home-schooled.’

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Teacher asks student: What is the half of 8?
Student: Miss horizontally or vertically?
Teacher: What do mean?
Student: Horizontally it is 0 and vertically it is 3.

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Three boys are walking home from school and they see a nакеd woman.
One of them runs away the other two stay to watch.
The next day they are walking home from school and they see the nакеd woman again, and again the same boy runs away.
Another day later they are walking home and they see the nакеd woman again, as the boy tries to run away the other boys grab him and ask, "What are you gаy or something don't you like looking at nакеd women?"
He replied, "Yeah, I love looking at nакеd women but my mom said that if I see one I'll turn into stone and I feel something starting to get hard."

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One day little Johnny comes home one day from school and his mom asks him how his day was.
He replies, "Mom, today I had sеx with the teacher!"
Immediately she was angry.
She said, "just wait 'till your dad gets home, he's going to be very mad at you.
Go to your room!"
So the boy goes to his room and finally his dad is home and comes up to the room.
The boy tells his dad and the dad is proud of the boy.
"Great job son!
How old are you 12? 13?
How about we go down to the store and get that shiny red bicycle you wanted?"
So, they go to the store and the dad buys the bike for his son.
Then he says, "well Johnny, do you want to ride the bike home?"
The boy answers, " No, that's okay Dad, My аss is still sore!"

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Seems like school and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.

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You have committed the grave tactical blunder of acquiring enough university credits to graduate.
So now you're leaving college and embarking on the greatest adventure - and the biggest challenge - of your young lives:
moving back in with your parents.

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The teacher said to the children: "In a paddock, there were twelve sheep. Six of them got out by jumping over the fence. How many sheep left behind?"
"None", little Jim say.
"None?" says the teacher surprised. "Jim, you’re clueless in math."
"And you, misses, are clueless in sheep! As soon as the first sheep jumps out, the other will follow as well!"

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A mother noticed her little dauther praying.
"Please, God," the little girl kept saying.
"Bless my father and my mother and make Melaka the capital city of Malaysia."
"Why did you make such as strange request?" the mother asked.
"Beacause that's what I wrote in my Geography test this morning!"

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The answer to the problem was “log(1+x)”.
A student copied the answer from the student next to him, but didn’t want to make it obvious that he was
cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to “timber(1+x).”

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The first of September, first lesson. Teacher:
"Please sit quietly, if you want to ask something - raise your hand."
Little Johnny immediately raises his hand.
"You want to ask something?"
"No. Just checking how the system works."

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I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and and everything was half off. I didn’t know back to school sales had started already

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One day a teacher asked the class, "What is the difference between a bird and a fly?"
A student then replied, "A bird can fly but a fly cannot bird."

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