School jokes, Teacher Jokes

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The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; ...she's dead."

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Teacher: How we use the light?
Pupil: To suск it?
Teacher: Why do you say so?
Pupil: Because every night, my mother says to my father, "Switch off the light, I wanna suск it!"

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One day, a teacher walks into her classroom to start the lesson. She walks up to the board and sees in little writing the word "реnis".
She thinks nothing of it and wipes it off.
The next day, she comes in and sees the word "реnis", only this time it"s a little bit вiggеr.
She wipes it off again.
Sure enough, the next day she comes in and sees "реnis" on the board a little вiggеr.
This proceeds until the end of the year when finally, it"s across the whole board.
The teacher wonders what"s gonna happen the next day since it"s taking up all the space on the board.
When she came in the next day but doesent find "реnis".
This time she finds written, "The more you rub it, the вiggеr it gets".

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In the beautiful world of fantasy, holding hands is the first sign of true love.
In college it means someone is too drunк to stand on their own.

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Jane was sitting in anatomy class on day when her teacher asked her a question. He inquired:
"What grows to 10 times its original size when excited?"
Jane blushed and said that she didn't know. Jimmy raised his hand and said,
"I know! The pupil of the eye." The teacher replied,
"Yes, very good Jimmy."
The the teacher turned to Jane and said,
"Jane I have three things to say to you:
One - you have a very dirтy mind.
Two - you haven't been studying hard enough. And three - you're going to be very disappointed!"

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The re's this black kid that goes to school and realizes teachers treat him differently than the white kids. So, he goes home, paints himself white and shows his dad. His dad beats the crud outta him.
He shows his mother, "Hey Ma, Look! I'm white!" He gets beat by his mom too. Lastly, he shows his Grandmother, "Grandma, Look! I'm white! She beats him badly with her cane and sends him to his room. Later, his dad comes into his room and asks, "Son, did you learn anything out of this?" And the boy replies, "Duh! I've only been white for an hour and I already hate three niggеrs!"

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So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it.
One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says "teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is."
She replies, "okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But beforeclass ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her раnтiеs.
After class is over and the studentsclear out, Johnny makes his guess.
"Blue."
"Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear.
"Well come with me out to my dads car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out.
When they get to the car she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear.
His dad exclaims: "That mother fuскеr! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your рussy before the end of the day!"

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Sunday school teacher asks Johnny, "Come now, Little Johnny, tell me the truth, do you say your prayers before eating?"
Little Johnny smiles proudly, "No Miss, there's no need, my mom cooks really well."

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Chuck Norris went to school so he could be studied.

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Teacher: Shamu, go to the map and find North America.
Shamu: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, Ramu, who discovered America?
Ramu: Shamu!

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What's a skunk's favourite game in school?
Show and smell.

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It doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile. Winning's winning.
(The Fast and The Furious)
It doesn't matter if you pass the semester by getting 40% or 95%.
Passing's passing.

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Joe: What’s the king of all school supplies?
Moe: I don’t know. What?
Joe: The ruler.

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Q: Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week?
A: Because they need their cars for Sеx Ed the other three days a week!

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Phil: What makes a Cyclops such an effective teacher?
Cheryl: I don’t know.
Phil: He has only one pupil.

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An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like “it’s an elevator not a lift” and “it’s сhiрs not crisps” etc. After a while of this the British person calmly retorted “they’re schools, not shooting ranges”.

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A lecturer who was drunк walked in a class.
Ater few minutes he wanted to urinate, he ran out and open a zip slowly, so that he may urinate.
After urinating, that's when he realized that the zip he opened was for a jacket.

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In an elementary school, the teacher gives school work to the class.
Everybody writes except little John.
The teacher asks him: John, why aren’t you writing?
I’m exhausted because of sеx.
That should not be a problem, write with your left hand.

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