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Вицове за училището English Witze über die Schule Chistes sobre la escuela Анекдоты про Школу Blague sur l'école Barzellette sulla Scuola Ανέκδοτα για το σχολείο Вицеви за училиштето Okul fıkraları Анекдоти про Школу Piadas sobre a escola Żarty o szkole Skämt om skolan Grappen over school Vittigheder om skolen Vitser om skolen Kouluvitsit Iskolai viccek Glume despre şcoală Vtipy o škole Anekdotai apie mokyklą Joki par skolu Vicevi o školi
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School Jokes

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A delinquent student returns a book to the library, bangs it on the counter and yells, “I read this entire novel! It is badly written with different handwritings, contains too many names of people and no story at all. Take your book and note that I would not pay any fine for late return!"
The Librarian looks up and responds, “Idiот, so you are the one who took the Attendance book?"
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Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college.
I don’t think I can ever repay you.
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I pride myself on being patient when teaching driver education, something I have done for 30 years. I have encountered many, many students, who didn't seem to be able to hit the floor with their hat. But one incident was just too much.
I had a sweet young thing behind the wheel for the first lesson of the semester. She had volunteered to go first and seemed ready to show the other two kids how well she could drive. We left the rural school and started toward town.
As we approached the first stop sign, the young lady gave no sign that she saw it. We got closer, but she still did not slow down. Finally, I used the "teacher's brake" pedal, on my side of the car, to get us stopped.
When I asked her why she didn't slow down to stop for the stop sign, she replied, "but, Mr. Smith, the speed limit is 35 ALL the way to the stop sign!"
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I'm an old school, hаrdсоrе political activist. For instance, I still won't eat grapes because of the plight of the migrant farm workers. I also won't eat raisins because of the older migrant farm workers. That's how hаrdсоrе I am. I also won't eat prunes. That's for a completely different reason.
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Teacher: Class when you grow up what do you want to be and why?
Student 1: I want to be a doctor, to help those who are in need.
Student 2: I want to be a lawyer, to also help those who are in need.
Student 3: When I grow up, I'll probably be the one in need...
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Whomever put the first 'r' in February must have put the first 'd' in Wednesday.
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I went to school and I was taught that:
Pussy meant a cat,
Sex meant a gender,
Bitch was a female dog,
Dick was a name,
Bang was a sound,
Rubber was an eraser,
Head meant a part of the body,
69 was just a number.
And then I came across all you dirтy ваsтаrds and my education was ruined !
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50 kick-аss and I will маsтurвате in school then fuск my girlfriend after school
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If you look in your high school yearbook, it's so great 'cause the stuff people wrote in there -- very sincere. I want to call people based on what they wrote in my yearbook. Like, I haven't talked to them since, just call 'em up:
'Hey Susan, what's going on? This is Laura. What am I doing? Staying sweet, just like you said. Thanks for the advice, it is really working out for me.'
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My wife and I decided to go out for the day. We went for a long stroll in the park, bought some ice creams and sat by the pond, feeding the ducks. Eventually she turned to me and said, “Have you had a nice day?”
I said, “Yes thanks. It was 1987, the sun was shining and I’d just left school.”
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I phoned my local radio station today.
When the guy answered the phone he said, “Congratulations on being our 1st caller, all you have to do is answer the next question correctly to win our grand prize.”
“Wahoo!” I shouted in delight.
“It’s a Maths question,” he said. “Feeling
Confident?”
“I’ve got a degree in Maths and I teach it at my local school,” I proudly replied.
“Okay then, to win 2 VIP tickets to see Justin Bieber and to meet him back stage afterwards, what’s 2+2?”
“7,” I replied.
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One day, while strolling down the boardwalk, I bumped into an old friend of mine, Rob, from high school. “You look great Rob, how do you stay looking so young? Why you must be at least 65 already but you don’t look a day over 40!” I exclaimed.
“I feel like I’m 40 too!” replied Rob.
“That’s incredible,” I said, “Does it run in the family? How old was your dad when he passed?”
“Did I say he was dead?” asked Rob. “He’s 81 and is more active than ever. He just joined the neighborhood basketball team!” responded Rob.
“Whoa! Well, how old was your Grandfather when he died?”
“Did I say he died” asked Rob. “He just had his 105th birthday and plays golf and goes swimming each day! He’s actually getting married this week!"
“Getting married?!” I asked. If he’s 105, why on earth does he want to get married?!
Rob looked at me, smiled, and replied, “Did I say he wanted to?”
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School Teacher: Last night a bunch of thieves broke into a cupboard and stole a bunch of blunt pencils. The theft was described as pointless.
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The following conversation took place in a government meeting regarding the school curriculum.
Adviser: So what are we gonna teach the kids?
Politician: I’ve decided to go with Pythagoras’s theorem.
Adviser: But what about car repairs, applying for loans, buying a house, starting a business or doing taxes?
Politician: No!! Finding the length of a triangle is more important.
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You have to wonder about a country where the bombs are smarter than the high school graduates…. At least the bombs can find Iraq on the map. ~ (Attributed to Alan Whitney Brown of SNL fame.)
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As the new drivers ed student drove through the red light at the intersection, the instructor admonished him and asked,
"Why did you not stop for the red light?"
The student replied, "My brother doesn't."
The instructor directed him to return to the school for more instruction before any more driving could take place. On the way back, the student approached the same intersection with a green light, he immediately slammed on the brakes shocking the instructor as well as other drivers. "Why did you stop at a green light?"
The student replied, "You never know when my brother's coming."
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Teacher: WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE YOU WERE YOUR FIRST DAY IN SCHOOL! Like you were in Kindergarten!
Student: You really want me to be like I was on my first day?
Teacher: YES!
Student: Alright then.
*The next day*
Teacher: what's 4x3 divided by the square root of 7.
Student: FISH!
Class: *Laughs*
Teacher: Get over here!
*In the corner of the class room*
Teacher: We agreed you'd be like you were on your first day!
Student: Yeah, and the answer for everything was fish.
Teacher: I hate you.
Student: I hate you too
Teacher: You said that on your first day too?
Student: Nope, I said "I love you" to all my teachers
Teacher: Then why haven't you said that to me!?
Student: Because I didn't lie on the first day of school either.
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Now every idiот from high school's like, 'I'm back!' We weren't supposed to meet again. Stop poking me and inviting me to your weird vampire parties. No, I don't want to follow you on Twatter. Like, nobody's interested in you. I don't want to see you in real life, why would I want to follow you in the imaginary one?
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