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Вицове за училището English Witze über die Schule Chistes sobre la escuela Анекдоты про Школу Blague sur l'école Barzellette sulla Scuola Ανέκδοτα για το σχολείο Вицеви за училиштето Okul fıkraları Анекдоти про Школу Piadas sobre a escola Żarty o szkole Skämt om skolan Grappen over school Vittigheder om skolen Vitser om skolen Kouluvitsit Iskolai viccek Glume despre şcoală Vtipy o škole Anekdotai apie mokyklą Joki par skolu Vicevi o školi
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School Jokes

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When I was in elementary school, I learned about exaggeration.
I had like ten thousand tests on it and my teacher would кill me if I didn't spell it right.
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A little boy came home with his parents from church one Sunday. He seemed a little depressed, so his mother asked him if something happened in Sunday school class that he would like to talk about. He told his mother "Well, we were singing songs and the teacher made us sing about a poor bear named Gladly that needed glasses and I can't stop thinking about him. She said he was cross-eyed and I feel bad for him.
The mother couldn't understand why the teacher would teach such a song in Sunday school, so she decided to call her. To the woman’s amazement, the teacher said she only taught hymns that morning. Then the teacher began laughing out loud and said to the mother, “I know what Jeffrey’s' talking about! We learned the hymn 'Gladly The Cross I'd Bear'".
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A teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on.
He asked for help and she could see why. She tried pulling and pushing, but the boots still didn't want to go on.
When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said,
"Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."
She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off then it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.
He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off.
He then said,
"They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again.
She said,
"Now, where are your mittens?"
He said,
"I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..."
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Failed a drug test today at school. I scored an E.
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Why do we need School?
Music: we have YOUTUBE for that
Sport: There's wii
Spanish: There's Dora
English: everything's shortened anyway (LOL,BRB,IDK)
Maths: that's why we have calculators
Geography: I'll buy a globe
History: they're all dead anyway
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I wish the girls who rejected me in high school could see how many Pokémon I've caught.
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My school is so full of вullshiт.
Some guy in sixth form is 50 seconds off the 5000m world record, and athletics people come into the school assembly saying he’s a future Olympic hopeful.
But when I’m 30 seconds off the 100m world record at sports day, everyone laughs and calls me a ‘fат shiт’!
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Hanging in the hallway at a high school are the basketball team pictures from the past decades. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year -- "92-93,"
"93-94,"
"94-95," etc.
One day the principal spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos. Turning to the principal, he said,
"Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?"
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“Miss! Miss! Miss!” I shouted excitedly from the back of the classroom.
This was turning into the worst school shooting ever.
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“Do you obtain good SAT results?” asked the father of a prospective pupil.
“Oh, indeed we do,” said the Principal of the expensive private school.
“We guarantee satisfaction - or we return the student…”
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I went to medical school here at Columbia. I got my M. D. I was practicing out in Colorado, where I decided to quit and do stand-up -- and not just because of the lawsuits.
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A Saudi Prince went to Germany to study.
A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying:
"Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train."
Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar check saying:
"Stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too”!
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My brother went to NYU in 1979 -- and now he's a sophomore.
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Back when I went to college, the female dormitory was out-of-bounds for all male students, as was the male dormitory to the female students. It was explained to us during orientation that anybody caught breaking this rule would be fined $20 the first time.
Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time would be fined $60. Being caught a third time incurred a hefty fine of $180. Then we were asked, “Are there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquired. "Er... How much for a season pass?"
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A delinquent student returns a book to the library, bangs it on the counter and yells, “I read this entire novel! It is badly written with different handwritings, contains too many names of people and no story at all. Take your book and note that I would not pay any fine for late return!"
The Librarian looks up and responds, “Idiот, so you are the one who took the Attendance book?"
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Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college.
I don’t think I can ever repay you.
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I pride myself on being patient when teaching driver education, something I have done for 30 years. I have encountered many, many students, who didn't seem to be able to hit the floor with their hat. But one incident was just too much.
I had a sweet young thing behind the wheel for the first lesson of the semester. She had volunteered to go first and seemed ready to show the other two kids how well she could drive. We left the rural school and started toward town.
As we approached the first stop sign, the young lady gave no sign that she saw it. We got closer, but she still did not slow down. Finally, I used the "teacher's brake" pedal, on my side of the car, to get us stopped.
When I asked her why she didn't slow down to stop for the stop sign, she replied, "but, Mr. Smith, the speed limit is 35 ALL the way to the stop sign!"
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American teenagers are six times more likely to get pregnant than French teenagers. And what does that tell you? It tells you that American teenagers are better looking. But I say, let's learn from the French -- don't hand out condoms to high school students, take away their deodorant.
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