School Jokes

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Why do we need School?
Music: we have YOUTUBE for that
Sport: There's wii
Spanish: There's Dora
English: everything's shortened anyway (LOL,BRB,IDK)
Maths: that's why we have calculators
Geography: I'll buy a globe
History: they're all dead anyway

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I wish the girls who rejected me in high school could see how many Pokémon I've caught.

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My school is so full of вullshiт.
Some guy in sixth form is 50 seconds off the 5000m world record, and athletics people come into the school assembly saying he’s a future Olympic hopeful.
But when I’m 30 seconds off the 100m world record at sports day, everyone laughs and calls me a ‘fат shiт’!

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“Miss! Miss! Miss!” I shouted excitedly from the back of the classroom.
This was turning into the worst school shooting ever.

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“Do you obtain good SAT results?” asked the father of a prospective pupil.
“Oh, indeed we do,” said the Principal of the expensive private school.
“We guarantee satisfaction - or we return the student…”

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I went to medical school here at Columbia. I got my M. D. I was practicing out in Colorado, where I decided to quit and do stand-up -- and not just because of the lawsuits.

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A Saudi Prince went to Germany to study.
A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying:
"Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train."
Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar check saying:
"Stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too”!

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While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, the policeman was interrupted by a 6 year-old looking up and down his uniform, she asked. “Are you a policeman? “Yes,” he answered and continued writing the report. “My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?”
“Yes, that’s right, the policeman told her. “Well, then,” the little girl said as she extended her foot toward him, “would you please tie my shoe?”

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My brother went to NYU in 1979 -- and now he's a sophomore.

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Back when I went to college, the female dormitory was out-of-bounds for all male students, as was the male dormitory to the female students. It was explained to us during orientation that anybody caught breaking this rule would be fined $20 the first time.
Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time would be fined $60. Being caught a third time incurred a hefty fine of $180. Then we were asked, “Are there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquired. "Er... How much for a season pass?"

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A delinquent student returns a book to the library, bangs it on the counter and yells, “I read this entire novel! It is badly written with different handwritings, contains too many names of people and no story at all. Take your book and note that I would not pay any fine for late return!"
The Librarian looks up and responds, “Idiот, so you are the one who took the Attendance book?"

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Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college.
I don’t think I can ever repay you.

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American teenagers are six times more likely to get pregnant than French teenagers. And what does that tell you? It tells you that American teenagers are better looking. But I say, let's learn from the French -- don't hand out condoms to high school students, take away their deodorant.

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I'm an old school, hаrdсоrе political activist. For instance, I still won't eat grapes because of the plight of the migrant farm workers. I also won't eat raisins because of the older migrant farm workers. That's how hаrdсоrе I am. I also won't eat prunes. That's for a completely different reason.

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Teacher: Class when you grow up what do you want to be and why?
Student 1: I want to be a doctor, to help those who are in need.
Student 2: I want to be a lawyer, to also help those who are in need.
Student 3: When I grow up, I'll probably be the one in need...

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Whomever put the first 'r' in February must have put the first 'd' in Wednesday.

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I went to school and I was taught that:
Pussy meant a cat,
Sex meant a gender,
Bitch was a female dog,
Dick was a name,
Bang was a sound,
Rubber was an eraser,
Head meant a part of the body,
69 was just a number.
And then I came across all you dirтy ваsтаrds and my education was ruined !

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50 kick-аss and I will маsтurвате in school then fuск my girlfriend after school

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