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Science jokes

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With the new Apple Watch, you only have to pull your hand out of your pocket to let everyone know that you’re a сunт.
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When science teachers have sеx they shout out the whole periodic table.
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According to Albert Einstein there is nothing faster than the speed of light.

But he is wrong... you can make something much more faster than light:

1. First take torch or a flash light.
2. Now take a video camera and record it.
3. Now put the video you have recorded in to your video player.

4. FAST FORWARD THE VIDEO.

CONGRATULATIONS YOU GOT SOMETHING FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT!
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The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.
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My ten year old son just asked me what were the 80’s like.
So I turned the Wi-Fi off and took away his smart phone.
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Q: Why are atoms Catholic?
A: Because they have mass.
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Q: Why do centipedes have 100 legs?
A: So they can walk.
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The new iPhone’s are out and some are complaining that their phones are bending.
Here’s an idea. If your phone bends too much, wrap it around your wrist and tell people it’s the Apple Watch.
You’ll be the first one to have it.
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I saw that new advert for Pizza Hut today that said “Now, order with your iPhone.”
Question… Couldn’t you always order with your iPhone, seeing as it is, in fact, a phone?
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Do you want to know how often I say element jokes? Periodically.
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Q: Why do pirates like algebra?
A:
"Annex" marks the spot.
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Signs that scientists have gone too far with genetically modified food:

*Your hot dog just fetched its own ketchup and relish.

*You spot the tell-tale signs of a primitive central nervous system in you Jell-O.

*Chocchini: looks like zucchini, tastes like a chocolate Ding Dоng.

*The black-eyed peas on your fork just winked at you.

*Every time you pour a glass of orange juice, your garage door goes up.
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I used to know a lot of science jokes, but now they argon.
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Q. Why is quantum mechanics is the original "original hipster"?
A. It described the universe before it was cool.
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“Wow, you’re amazing!” she said after we made love. “With qualities like that, you must drive dozens of women crazy.”
“Not at all,” I said, “in fact I’m very choosy. I’m only into women I can really talk to, for example about politics, psychology, art, science, music, classical ballet … in a word, a woman has to be highly intelligent to land in my bed.”
She was obviously flattered: “So what impressed most you about me?”
“Your t*ts, of course.”
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iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone.
That’s like if my bed was named iSex.
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Has anyone had a look in Schrödinger’s grave to see if he’s in there?
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I’m still pondering whether to buy the new IPhone 7 or use the money to buy a lifetime supply of clothes for the family from Primark.
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