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Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
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iPhone users update:
- I’ll screenshot it, I’ll tweet about it, I’ll Instagram it, I’ll write a blog about it, I’ll delete half of my contents for it, I’ll get enraged about it.
Android users update:
- *clicks update, gets on with life*
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Whenever I go to a restaurant, I always order is "dihydrogen monoxide on the rocks with a clear siphoning tube inside a glass".
The waiters/waitresses always ask me what drink is that?
I tell them that's the scientific name of a glass of ice water with a straw.
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John asks: Why are you drinking so much?
Joe says: Because I donated my body to science, and I am preserving it until they are ready to use it.
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I’ve just picked up my new iPhone and I’m well impressed.
The first thing I did was ring up my brother and spend a good twenty minutes boasting about all its amazing features.
It would’ve been longer but the fсuкing battery died.
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Q: What do computers eat for a snack?
A: Microchips!
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Photons have mass? I didn't know that they were Catholic.
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Q: Why are Helium, Curium, and Barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can't heal-ium or cure-ium, you bury-um.
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A mugger holds a man at gunpoint and says, “Give me your wallet or you’re science!”
The man says, “Don’t you mean history?”
The mugger yells, “Don’t try to change the subject!”
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I would make another chemistry joke, but they ARGON.
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Q: What did the 30 degree angle say to the 90 degree angle?
A:
"You think you're always right!"
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Жмурка
Решили няколко от по-известните учени в Рая да поиграят на криеница.
Айнщайн
C'est Newton
Cierta vez
Toti oamenii de stiinta jucau fata'ascunselea in Rai. Se pune Einstein si incepe sa numere. Toti se ascund pe Unde gasesc
Hay una fiesta de físicos y matemáticos que de pronto se aburren y deciden jugar a las escondidas
Newton, Pascal and Archimedes are playing hide and seek. Archimedes starts to count, Pascal hides in a bush, and Newton draws a square on the ground and steps into it. Archimedes finds Newton first, of course, but Newton replies, "Nope. One Newton on one square meter is equal to one Pascal."
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I lost an electron
Das verlorene Elektron
A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
Iba un átomo caminado por la calle con cara de preocupación. Un átomo conocido lo ve y le pregunta: Qué tal amigo
Due atomi si incontrano per strada. Il primo: "Come va? Tutto bene?". L'altro
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says
Molecule 1: I just lost an electron. Molecule 2: Are you sure? Molecule 1: I’m positive.
Dos moléculas están caminando en la calle y chocan. Una le dice a la otra: ¿Estas bien ¡No
Two molecules are walking down the street and one starts looking around. The other asks
Two atoms were walking down the street. One atom says to the other one
Two hydrogen atoms are at a party and bump into each other. The first one says, "Hey, grab that electron, it's mine!"
"How do you know?" asks the second. "'Cause I'm positive!" the first replies.
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The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes, the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, four minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude?" After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."
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A science teacher walked by Taipei 101 and saw a man on top of the building ready to jump.
He quickly shouted out "Don't do it!! You have so much potential!!"
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My wife just saw a news article ‘World’s oldest person dies at 114’
“Wow!” she said “…the way medicine and science is going, I bet we have people reaching 150 years old within the next ten years!”
Stupid вiтсh.
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1. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
2. Health nuts are going to feel sтuрid someday, lying in hospital dying of nothing.
3. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
4. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to.
5. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and woman say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
7. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
8. Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you $200 and a substantial tax cut saves you 35 cents?
9. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
10. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
11. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
12. You read about all these terrorists---most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now compare that to Blockbuster: you're two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.
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With the new Apple Watch, you only have to pull your hand out of your pocket to let everyone know that you’re a сunт.
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