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Chuck Norris is the only person that can stab you with a basketball- Brandon De La Riva.
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After meeting with Chuck Norris' lawyer the UFC have changed their name from "Ultimate Fighting Championship" to simply "Fighting Championship."
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When Chuck Norris goes to a BBL cricket game, he doesn't watch out for the big hits from the players, the big hits watch out for him!
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What does a nigress and an ice hockey player have in common?
They both change their pads after 3 periods.
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In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they talk and drive sport scars. An owl enters a psychologist's office. The psychologist says to the owl, "What is your problem?"
The owl replies, "I always sleep at night and am awake during the day. I am an owl and we usually are awake during the night."
The psychologist tells the owl to come back in two days to solve his problem, as he is very busy. The next night, a cat comes in. He says, "I always sleep during the day. Like my friends, I want to sleep during the night. Can you help?"
The psychologist advises the cat to come back in one day, as he is very busy. The next day, the cat comes very, very, very early for his appointment and ends up at the same time as the owl. The cat is told to wait outside. He peeks in the owl's appointment and figures out his problem... and his address! During the next evening, when the owl usually comes in for his appointment, the cat comes in. The psychologist asks the cat why he is here instead of the owl. The cat replies, "He is here!'' and poops on the floor, explaining, "I was sent to deliver him."
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How did the blonde die icefishing?
She got run over by the zamboni!
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Top 15: Why Hockey is Better than Sеx:
It's legal to earn money playing hockey Many people play hockey even after they're married The puck's always hard The protective equipment is reusable It lasts at least an hour A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon You always know how big the stick is You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding You can change players on the fly You don't have to be embarrassed if you don't get the puck up Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds Your parents cheer when you score Periods last only 20 minutes You're sure to get it at least twice a week You can tell your friends about it afterwards
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James and Neil were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United.
They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (A16) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together.
One half-time Neil went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for A16.
The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty.
Then on Boxing day, much to James and Neil's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season.
Neil could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'.
'Don't ask' he said, 'the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.'
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Знаете ли защо Куба нямат национален отбор по плуване !? Защо мексиканците нямат Олимпийски отбор? ¿Por qué los mexicanos no van a las Olimpiadas?. Mexico doesn't win Olympic medals because all the best runners Why doesn't Mexico have any teams competing in the Olympics? ¿Por qué en Cuba no hay piscinas?. ¿Porque México no tiene equipo olímpico? Porque todos los mexicanos que saben correr Waarom doet Mexico nooit mee aan de Olympische Spelen? Alles wat hard kan rennen Miksi Meksikolla ei ole olympiajoukkuetta? - Koska kaikki juoksu- - Miért nem indított Kuba evezős válogatottat az olimpián? - Mert aki evezni tud
Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
All the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the USA.
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A javelin thrower called Vicky
Found the grip of her javelin sticky.
When it came to the throw
She couldn't let go.
Making judging the distance quite tricky.
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All the bases are 90 feet apart in regulation Baseball.
So why does it take a Runner longer to run from 2nd to 3rd than it does from 1st to 2nd?
Simple! Because between 2nd and 3rd there is a 'Short-Stop'!
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Rocky Balboa was a lucky man because Chuck Norris didn't pursue a boxing carreer.
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Fred and DooDah go to their favorite lake to fish.
After getting out on the water, DooDah hooks a huge fish, which pulls him overboard, and he drowns. Fred is brokenhearted and goes to tell DooDah's wife the news. She opens the door and hears Fred say, "Guess who drowned in the lake today? DooDah! DooDah!"
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What is the difference between a golfer and a fisherman?
"When a golfer lies he doesn't have to bring anything home to prove it!
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Golfer:
"Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy:
"Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
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Don’t marry a tennis player.
Love means nothing to them.
Cricket
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There was an old man named Bill, and one of the things he most enjoyed was playing golf with his old buddy Fred.
Bill's wife always commented on how happy he looked after a game.
But one day he came home from their weekly game looking terrible and very tired.
His wife asked,
"What's the matter, Bill?
You always seem so happy after golf and you look miserable right now."
Bill said,
"Well, something terrible happened.
Fred had a heart attack on the first hole."
"My God, honey!" said the wife, rushing to comfort him.
"That must've been terrible!"
"It was," he said.
"All day long it was: hit the ball, drag Fred to the ball, and then hit it again..."
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A teacher walks into her classroom and turns to the children and says, Today kids im going to ask you what job your daddy has!
She turns to the first child and says, What job dose your daddy have tina??
She replies; he is a carpenter miss.
The teacher turns to the next child and repeats the question... The child says he is the head of a multi-organic food chain.
Very good indeed says miss.......... She turns to the next child and says.
What job does your daddy have Robert??
He replies... He's a male рrоsтiтuте miss; and demands 50 quid.
No,No,No your lying to me Robert i can tell!
Ok then miss you got me i confess.........................................
He plays rugby for england but im to ashamed to say!!!
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