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Sports Jokes

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What’s the difference between an aerobics instructor and a torturer?
The torturer would apologize first.
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How does David Beckham change a light bulb?
He holds it in the air, and the world revolves around him.
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Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? – Because she always ran away from the ball.
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I hate playing sports with my girlfriend. I always beat her.
After I lose.
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A Giants fаn, a Padre fаn, and a Dodger fаn are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more. The Padre fаn insists he's the most loyal. "This is for San Diego!" he yells and jumps off the side of the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Giants fаn is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for San Francisco!" and pushes the Dodger fаn off the mountain.
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Why did the coach go back to the bank?
To get his quarterback!
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Two guys were playing golf. On the tee, Jack hit his shot way left of the fairway in some buttercups. Bob proceeded to hit and his ball went way off to the right in the bushes. Jack eventually found his ball and proceeded to hit in the buttercups. All of a sudden, he heard a big *РООF* and a fairy appeared. She proceeded to say to Jack that she was Mother Nature and that she was really upset at him for damaging the buttercups. She said,
"Jack, for all the damage that you did to my buttercups, you will not have any butter to put on your toast in the morning for the next month. No, as a matter of fact, I am so upset at you that you won't have any butter for the whole next year! That should teach you a lesson so you won't hurt my creations." *РООF* She disappeared. Jack, stunned by what just happened, called out, "Bob! Bob! Come over here here quick!" Bob replied, "Wait a sec. I'm hitting my shot and I'll be right over." Jack yelled back at Bob, "Where are you?" Bob answered, "I'm over here in the рussy willows." Jack shouted back, "Don't swing Bob! For the love of God, don't swing!"
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How do you make NY Jets cookies?
Put them in a bowl and beat them for three hours.
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Why does Dwayne Wade wear number 3?
Because that's the amount of minutes he can stay on the court without getting hurt.
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Three football teams (Arsnel, Liverpool, and Hartsfield) are flying from England across Egypt for a match in the Middle East. Their plane crashes in the desert and they survive. After days of wandering, they are really hungry so when they come across a camel, the footballers decide to кill it and eat it. The Liverpool team says,
"Because we play for Liverpool, will we eat the liver." The Hartsfield players decide, "Because we play for Hartsfield, we will eat the heart." Arsnel says,
"I think we might go hungry..."
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What do hookers and the Dolphins have in common? They both have hundreds of ваlls pounded into their endzone every week.
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What do the Buffalo Sabres and the Titanic have in common?
They're both at the bottom of the Atlantic.
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Two elderly sisters donated $5 to a charity and, to their surprise, won tickets to a football game. Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity for doing so. "I think so, too," said Mabel. "Let's go!" They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a large, grassy expanse. They watched the kickoff and the seemingly endless back-and-forth struggles that comprised the scoreless first half. They enjoyed the band music and cheerleader performance that followed. Then came the second half. When the teams lined up for the second-half kickoff, Madge nudged her sister. "I guess we can go home now, Mabel," she said. "This is where we came in."
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What do Bill Buckner and Micheal Jackson have in common?
They both wear a glove on one hand for no apparent reason.
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How do you flick off a Green Bay Packer fаn? Hold four fingers up!
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How many UNC fans does it take to change a tire? A: Four: three to tap the keg and one to call daddy.
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How do you get a UNC fаn to leave your house? A: Pay the pizza delivery driver.
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What's Al Qaeda's favorite sports team? New York Jets.
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