Valentine's Day Jokes

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Seeing as it’s Valentine’s Day I popped the question this morning to my girlfriend
“So you gunna take it up the аrsе or what then ?”

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What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine's Day? You're purrr-fect for me!

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I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and sтuрid.

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For fсuк’s sake, what a mess to sort out.
I can’t believe I’ve mixed their Valentine’s Day cards up.
The girlfriend now thinks I love her and the wife thinks I want to fсuк her.

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Anybody know the postal address for РоrnНuв?
I want to get a valentines day card out to them.

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Why didn't Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer's heart? Because even Cupid can't hit a target that small.

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Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day? Sure, they're very scent-imental!

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Why did the boy go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.

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I may not be able to celebrate Valentines day, but at least w*nkers like me can still celebrate palm Sunday.

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Why do cannibal's hate valentines day?
They can never find a sweet heart

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Valentines day I walk to a girl and be like I.....L.....L.....LO......LOVE.....y...yo........yogurt :P

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Dear men, "I don't want anything for Valentine's Day" is the same as "I'm fine." You're welcome.

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What did the painter say to her boyfriend? "I love you with all my art!"

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What is a ram's favorite song on February 14th? I only have eyes for ewe, dear

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Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable? Because it's all heart.

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Girls wanting giant аss teddy bears, & VS bags, and bouquets of underwear for valentines day. Just give me some pizza & I'll love u forever.

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It’s a fuскing sad day when the lamp post near my house had more cards and flowers than me on Valentines Day.
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What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine's Day? "I'm stuck on you!"

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