Vegan and Vegetarian Jokes

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An athiest, vegan, and cross fit mother walk into a bar.
We know this because they all announced it during their first five words they said to anyone
My friend told me this and I laughed so hard

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How do you turn an idiот into a nutritionist?
Tell them you're vegan

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A vegan, an atheist and a mobile dev walk into a bar
You might have already noticed that...

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What if mosquitos would be more environmentally conscious?
Fly less and have a vegan diet.

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What's better, a v-day dinner with a vegan faminist, or with вееr and Netflix?
I don't know any vegan faminists and beet and Netflix is my constant state of being

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I met a vegan magician the other night who surprised everyone by making guacamole appear from thin air.
Avocadabra.

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If you meet someone who's a vegan, who also does cross fit...
Which do they talk about first?

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What is the difference between a vegan on a diet and a flower child?
One's a very thin person, and the other is a little hippy.

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An autistic and a vegan walk into a bar
You only know because they mention it every other sentence

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A vegan, a runner, and a stoner walked into a bar
They all told me in the first minute.

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What's the difference between a vegan, a crossfit instructor, and a psychological test subject?
The test subject is the only one you'd willingly ask to "tell us about yourself."

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A vegan, a gap year student and a girl with a boyfriend walk into a bar
Who tells you first?

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How do you know there's a vegan on the room with you?
They'll let you know about it.

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A vegan, an atheist and a person who does cross fit walk into a bar...
And within 5 seconds I know all of this because they won't stop telling everyone.

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What did the two stars of Good Burger name their vegan cooking show?
Quinoa and Kale!

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Vegans believe meat eaters and butchers are gross.
But those who sell you fruits and vegetables are grocer.

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