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Вицове за Работа English Arbeit-Witze , Gehalt Witze, H... Chistes de profesiones y traba... Анекдоты про работу Blague Métier, Blague au trava... Barzellette sul lavoro, Barzel... Ανέκδοτα για τη Δουλειά Работа Meslek Fıkraları Анекдоти про роботу, Анекдоти ... Piadas de Trabalho Dowcipy i kawały: Praca Jobb skämt, Skämt för kontoret... Moppen over Werk, Moppen over ... På jobbet vittigheder, Vittigh... Arbeidsvitser Työvitsit, Tyopaikkavitsit, Ty... Munkahelyi viccek Glume despre muncă Anekdoty a vtipy o práci a pov... Anekdotai apie darbą Anekdotes par darbu V službi
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Work Jokes, Office Jokes

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Q: How many telemarketers does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: Only one, but she has to do it while you're eating dinner.
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Scene: A radio newsroom.
Caller: "I just wanted to let you know you're off the air."
Host: "Yes, we know. The engineers are working on it."
Caller: "It would be nice if you put something on the air that says that."
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Applying for a job, a new lawyer was asked if paying back his law school tuition would be any special problem.
He replied that he paid it back right after his first case.
When asked how he managed that, he said, "Well, my dad sued me for it and won."
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I ordered a foot-long sandwich from a take-out restaurant and asked the clerk to cut it into fourths.
"I'm sorry, I can't," she said. "I already cut it in half."
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A 21-year-old is hired by a hardware store. He shows up for his first day of work at 8 AM sharp.
The boss welcomes him, then hands him a broom.
"First, sweep out the store. Then I'll show you where the window cleaning equipment is."
"Sir," the young man protests. "You can't be serious. I'm a college graduate."
"Oh, sorry," says the manager, pointing to the broom. "No problem. I can show you how that thing works."
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Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as Aircraft mechanics in Melbourne.
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. 
Dave said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"
Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?" 
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane вооzе and get completely smashed.
The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels GREAT!
NO hangover!
NO bad side effects.
Nothing! 
Then the phone rings.
It's Jim.
Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Dave says, "I feel great, how about you?"
Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"
Dave says, "No that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often." 
"Yeah, well there's just one thing."
"What's that?"
"Have you farted yet?"
"No."
"Well, DON'T! 'Cause I'm in Perth!"
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John: "Hey can I borrow some money? I'm broke."
Michael: "Get money from your job."
John: "I got fired."
Michael: "Why?"
John: "My boss told me to leave all my problems behind the door, so I told him to stand outside."
Michael: "This is why we are friends."
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A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers.
Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.
The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."
The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.
"Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.
"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup" the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.
The retiree replied, "Oh great!
NOW you tell me!"
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A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer.
The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," the firefighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
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Q: What does an SEO and part-time chiropractor work on?
A: Your bad backlinks.
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Miksi blondit työskentevät 7 päivää viikossa? - Heitä ei tarvitse uudelleenkouluttaa maanantaina Varför jobbar blondiner 7 dagar i veckan? Så att man slipper återutbilda dom på måndag.
Q: Why should you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them every Monday.
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I always arrive late to work, but I make up for it by leaving early.
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Work emails are like the gym.
You sign up for it thinking it will be loads of fun.
You get bored of it within hours.
You only keep going to keep up your reputation.
The more you stay away, the harder it is to go back.
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Q: How many lawyers does it take to build a wall?
A: Depends on how deep you stack them.
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Every Friday after work, a mathematician goes down to the Ice Cream Parlor, sits in the second-to-last seat, turns to the last seat, which is empty, and asks a girl, who isn't there, if he can buy her an ice cream cone.
The owner, who is used to the weird, local university types, always shrugs but keeps quiet. But when Valentine's Day arrives, and the mathematician makes a particularly heart wrenching plea into empty space, curiosity gets the better of him, and he says, "I apologize for my sтuрid questions, but surely you know there is never a woman sitting in that last stool, man. Why do you persist in talking to empty space?"
The mathematician replies, "Well, according to quantum physics, empty space is never truly empty. Virtual particles come into existence and vanish all the time. You never know when the proper wave function will collapse and a girl might suddenly appear there."
The owner raises his eyebrows. "Really? Interesting. But couldn't you just ask one of the girls who comes here every Friday if you could buy HER a cone? You never know... she might say yes."
The mathematician laughs. "Yeah, right. How likely is THAT to happen?"
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After giving birth, I quit my job.
The exit questionnaire asked, "What steps would have prevented you from leaving?"
My answer: "Birth control."
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I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
Please be prepared for my mood.
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A man comes home alone from work.
Suddenly he hears this voice saying: "Now its time to quit your job, sell your house, take your money and go to Las Vegas."
He doesn't pay much attention to it but after a week hearing the same voice, he thinks ok!
He quits his job, sells his house, withdraws all his money and goes to Vegas.
The moment he steps out of the plane the voice tells him "Find the nearest casino!"
He enters a casino and the voice says: " Go to the roulette-table and put all your money on 17 black!
He complies and the croupier spins the wheel and says "Rien ne va plus"
21 RED!
And then the voice goes "Dамn!"
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